Page 49 of Lost
He didn’t have time to look at her before he was being engulfed by Katrina, her arms coming around him tightly as she buried her face into his suit jacket. He held her tightly as she cried for what he knew was probably the hundredth time, tears for the girl who had been her sister as much as his.
“It’s okay, Kat,” he murmured into her hair. “I’m here...”
He could see Katrina’s parents not too far from where they stood, both of them watching their daughter with concerned expressions. They looked to him with sympathy, just like everybody else was now they knew he was there. All eyes had turned their way, and the weight of all those stares settled on his shoulders. He shifted uncomfortably under their watchful, pitiful eyes, wishing that he could disappear. Why couldn’t everybody be staring at the band instead? Surely five rockstars should stand out more than a freshly twinless teenage boy.
He focused on his friends instead: on Katrina’s dark, braided hair; on the warm brown of Kieran’s eyes as he offered Lysander a helpless smile. It felt great to be back with them. They’d practically lived at Lysander and Dakota’s house for years, were his siblings as much as Dakota had been, and he’d missed them. He let out a shuddering breath.
Katrina sniffled and drew back, swiping tears from her eyes quickly. Her fingers came away blackened with mascara, and Lysander knew he’d be hearing about that in three…two…
“You got tanned,” she said instead.
Lysander looked at his hands. He hadn’t noticed anything during his time in California, but standing next to Kieran and Katrina it was obvious. He’d definitely developed a more golden tone to his skin. Sun-kissed and full of life. The complete opposite of the sister he was about to put in the ground.
There wasn’t much time for them to talk before it was signalled that the ceremony was going to begin. Katrina gave him a sad smile as she stepped away, wiping more tears from her cheeks as she made a beeline for her parents. Lysander returned to his designated seat by Zack, Kieran remaining by his side without Lysander needing to ask. Then it was just a matter of waiting for the rest of the room to be seated before things officially began.
Lysander wasn’t aware of the woman addressing those gathered. His gaze had wandered first to the smiling image of Dakota not four feet in front of him, and then to the casket that was directly behind it. It was a beautiful thing of painted white wood with gold trimmings. It was closed, but that didn’t change the fact that she was in there: her lips blue, her body cold. For a moment he feared he might be sick.
When he next tuned in to what was going on around him, it was just in time to see Katrina making her way up to the front of the room. Of course. The time had come for people to talk about her. Katrina would be first. Then Zack, though he had not known her. And after that Lysander was expected to say a thing or two, though he hadn’t the faintest clue what. He had figured it would all come to him when the time was right. But so far, he was still as lost as he had been the moment that they’d asked him if he wanted to do it.
He looked to Katrina. Second to Lysander, she had known Dakota better than anybody. The two of them had been best friends since they were toddlers, inseparable as conjoined twins. It killed Lysander to know that Katrina was hurting just as much as he was. But still she managed to get up in front of the crowd, looking strong and determined despite the redness of her eyes.
“Well,” she started, looking unsure of herself, “if you knew Dakota then you already know who I am. For those who don’t, I’m Katrina Reed, and Dakota was my best friend. Um...” She licked her lips, and he could see it in her tear-filled eyes that she was trying to find the right words to say what needed to be said. “What can I say? Koty was the greatest person I ever knew. She was the sort of girl who lit up any room that she walked into, because she was always happy and everybody loved her.
“What some of you might not know is how brave she was. She was never afraid to do what she thought was right, even if it meant she was going to get into trouble for it. I remember when we were on our first dates — it was a double date, with Francis Griel and Marcus Woods — we went to this beautiful little restaurant in Madison. We were the youngest people there by far, but we didn’t care. Anyway, we were about halfway through dinner when we heard this yelling start up. There’s a man yelling at these two other guys who are out on a date, yelling at them because they’re gay and he thinks it’s disgusting and they should go and kill themselves.” A small smile made its way across Katrina’s lips as she told the crowd, “Dakota walked right on over there and smacked the guy across the face.”
This earned some chuckles from the crowd. Lysander remembered Dakota coming home that night, not gushing about her first date but telling him and their mother all about the ignorant man who’d been so stunned that he’d left without a word. The two men whose evening she had saved had not been able to thank her enough. Lysander was only sorry that he hadn’t been there to see it.
“And she was passionate,” Katrina went on. “So,sopassionate about the things that she loved. She loved helping people, just like her mom, so she wanted to be a nurse. But she also wanted to be a great musician, like her father.” Here she stopped, focusing her attention solely on Zack. “She would have been thrilled that you’re here now. And she would have been grateful for all of your help. Weallare. If not for you, she’d probably still be out there somewhere, and that would suck. At least now she’s home. So thank you for all of your help.”
It couldn’t be denied that Zackhadbeen a great help. It had been one of the band’s fans that had found Dakota in that gutter, one of the fans that had been able to tell doctors exactly who she was and who they needed to contact. And although they had arrived just that little too late, Lysander was still grateful. He only wished she could have woken long enough to know.
It was Zack’s turn to speak after an emotional Katrina returned to her seat between her parents. For all the time that he had spent on stage, Lysander figured his father would have found it easy enough to get up in front of all these strangers. But Zack looked uncomfortable. Still, his voice was steady when he spoke.
“When the new year kicked in,” he told them, “I was a happily married man living with my wife and two dogs, taking a break before my band had to get back to work. I had no idea that I was a father, and if anybody had tried to tell me I was, I probably would have laughed at them. Ididlaugh when my lawyer first told me. But then I panicked. I was told that I had two days to prepare before I would have a son in my life, and I didn’t know where to start.
“But when I first met Lysander, everything changed. I don’t know what I was expecting from him, but I think a small part of me had been hoping that he was just somebody looking for money or fame, because that would have been easy to make go away. But he wasn’t. He was a boy who had come to me for help in a moment of desperation because he felt like nobody else was listening.
“It’s only through him that I ever got to know Dakota. He told me stories about all the trouble that they used to get into together and showed me some of the things that she had posted online — videos of her singing and playing the piano, and little stories she wrote about her dreams of finally meeting my band and myself. Only through him have I ever been able to learn what she was like: independent and strong-willed, smart, and so full of life.
“I’m sorry that we never got to meet in person. I would have liked to get to know her for myself and it would have been nice to have my family completed. Instead she was taken from us too soon. Although I never got to meet her, I feel that loss all the same.
“And I want to thank you all,” he added, “for being a part of Dakota’s life and for being here today. It’s amazing to be able to see how many lives she touched and how many people truly cared for her. Thank you for showing me just how special she truly was.”
He stepped down, and a sinking feeling started in Lysander’s stomach. He’d been so intent on listening to Katrina and Zack speak that he’d failed to start mentally preparing for his own turn. And now it was here. People were waiting for him to get up. He swallowed hard; his mouth was dry.
“I can’t do this,” he said to Kieran.
The thought of getting up there was daunting. But what he hated more was that this was it — this was where he had to officially say goodbye to his sister. After this she would be in the ground. Out of his reach. Undeniablygone. And he wasn’t ready to let her go yet. He didn’t think he ever would be.
“Yes, you can,” Kieran said at once. That was how they worked — always pushing each other to do what needed to be done. “You’ll regret it for the rest of your life if you don’t do this now.” He gave Lysander’s hand a squeeze. “Come on. I’ll stand with you. Be right there by your side.”
There were more people in the room than Lysander had thought. Every seat was filled, and there were people standing at the back. Every pair of eyes on him as he made his way up onto the platform. He took a deep breath and looked away from them all, still without the faintest idea of where he was going to start. But as promised, Kieran was right there beside him.
“Just talk from the heart,” he advised.
Lysander nodded. The crowd was deadly silent, waiting for him to speak. He focused on some point above all of their heads and let his heart do the talking.
“Dakota used to say that our lives were like a story. Like the ones that she always used to read online, about the rockstar who had a kid he never knew about until some sort of tragedy struck and he got to meet them. Well, for me that turned out to be true. I lost my mother and as a result got my father, but Dakota never got her happy ending. Her story went in a direction that none of us could ever have anticipated.
