Page 105 of Disobedient Pawn

“The bet was just dumb. We’re always bettin’ on something, call it boredom or just stupidity, but we love to challenge one another, and you became that challenge.” She looked down, and I tilted her head up to look at me. “I never should’ve agreed. No, I never should’ve let it happen at all, but it was second nature and….”

“I was new, and you didn’t know me.”

“Aye. I said yes and have regretted it ever since. I do have a reputation, I cannot deny that, but I never set out to play ya, Snowflake. I swear to ya on me ma’s grave and I loved that woman with my whole heart.”

My thumb ran along her lower lip, and I knew I’d beg for a kiss. I didn’t care if I had to get down on my knees and cling to her leg. I wanted her so badly that I would do whatever it took to have her. I forced myself to look into her eyes to keep from grabbing her as my pulse raced through my veins and made it hard to concentrate, along with other body parts coming alive. I was suddenly thankful to be contained in my jeans.

“As for tonight…I wish I could say that I heard ya screaming and ran in chasing off the bad guys, but the truth is…I was one of the guys in a mask.”

Her features darkened, her eyes narrowing into a harsh glare as she sat up, crossing her arms over her chest. I sat up but made sure that I was still touching her. I wasn’t letting her go without a fight. Not again.

“Look, the thing is…I can’t even begin to explain to someone that hasn’t lived it just how dangerous our lives are, and some of our parents are monsters. I saw it in your eyes at Thanksgiving and you said it yerself. You see through Mr. Collier and my father to the evil that hides under the perfectly unwrinkled suit and tie.”

Her body relaxed a little, her features softening.

“When I arrived, Nash and the others brought me into his group, the one working to ruin Lawrence and some of the top families, but we are taking our lives into our hands by doing this. Things will never be clean and simple with who we are, but abuse, rape, torture, and sex trafficking, all for money and pleasure, are not things we ever want to uphold. I’m not excusing Nash, he can be a dick of epic proportions, but he takes abuse every day, so hopefully, others won’t have to.”

Ren bit her bottom lip, and I loved how she instantly seemed concerned.

“I’m pretty sure I saw that, but Nash can also be so…volatile and unpredictable.”

I shrugged.

“I’m not sure what to say other than he’s a dick because he has to be, and it comes with certain emotional and mental costs.”

“Okay, I can understand all that, but…I still don’t understand why he feels like he needs to torment me.”

“The way yer father was treated at Thanksgiving is strange for Lawrence. We would’ve said yer father was someone special, but we can’t find anything on him or yer family. Lawrence has been almost nice. He never treats newcomers well or anyone with a modicum of respect unless it’s for his own gain. I’ve seen him put a bullet in a man’s head for far less than getting sobbingly drunk at his table.”

Ren’s eyes lowered, and I immediately wanted to hit myself for being so tactless. Reaching out, I gripped her hands, and her eyes slowly lifted to mine.

“And Nash thinks I know why his father is acting this way, right?”

I nodded.

“He thinks that even if you don’t realize what you know, you know it, and he wanted to get it out of you. Fear is a tool, and sometimes we use it, but I’m really sorry. I didn’t want to do it and told him I’d never do it again.”

Ren slid off the bed, and I held onto her hand a little tighter in a panic.

“I just need to pace. I like to do it when I think.”

Letting go, she crossed her arms over her chest and marched from one side of the room to the other as she tapped her chin and mumbled under her breath.

“Are ya mad at me?”

“For which part?”

My face heated up, and I rubbed the back of my neck.

“Any of it.”

Ren stopped pacing and glared at me, but the look softened the longer she stared.

“Honestly, I should be livid and never trust you again. I should open the door, order you out and tell you I never want to see you again.”

“Aye, ya should.”

“Myles, the six of you brought on a panic attack, and I can barely remember what happened, which is terrifying because it means Nash could be right, and I’m repressing. But, I don’t think him scaring the shit out of me and making me relive the worst moment of my life is helpful.”