Page 101 of Disobedient Pawn

He ripped the mask off his face and slammed it into the middle of my chest, forcing me to step back. “Yer me brother and me king, but if I wanted ta be like me Da then I’d just follow me Da. Ya told me ya wanted ta do better than yer father, so be better.” He looked down at Ren and then back up into my eyes, and all I saw was disgust. “Now I’m no sure who is worse.”

I kept my face blank as I pulled off my mask and glanced at the other guys. Blake marched away with him, unlocking and opening the door. He slowly pulled off his mask and turned to look at me.

“I’m sorry, Nash, but I agree with Myles. Yes, we’ve done far worse things, but to people who were either really bad or coming after us, Ren is neither. Where do we draw the line between what we do for the betterment of The Last Rank and just being an asshole?” He shook his head. “All I learned tonight was something terrible happened to her. You may be right, she may know something that will help our cause, but if that’s true, it’s locked in her mind. She’s not trying to hurt us and…I’m not doing anything like this to her again. I never thought I’d see the day I’d have to tell you that.”

Blake marched off and pushed open the door, and I looked at Ivan, Cory, and finally, Liam.

“And what do you three think?”

“I don’t know her, so it’s just a job to me. She was scared, but I thought that was the point,” Cory said and shrugged.

I turned to Ivan.

“What about you?”

“I think Blake is right in saying that if she knows anything, it’s locked behind whatever trauma she has. Her entire personality shifted, and her eyes went blank when she ran into me. It was like a light switch. I’d look into that,” Ivan said calmly. “The night wasn’t a total loss.”

“The two of you can go,” I said, watching Cory and Ivan leave before turning to my best friend.

“And you? You’ve been pretty quiet.”

Liam sighed and rolled out his shoulders.

“I will always follow you, and if you want my honest opinion, then I think you’re right to be concerned.”

“Really?”

“Yes, but for all the wrong reasons. I don’t think Ren is the threat, at least not directly,” Liam said, and I tapped my chin as I thought.

“You mean she’s a victim like us?”

“Her father is a waste of space and doesn’t strike me as a top-level leader. What I do find peculiar is your father’s actions. Lawrence and Mr. Davies know something. If they know something, then the information is out there, but Ren doesn’t have it. All I saw tonight was another one of us with scars lining her soul and haunting her mind.” He clapped me on the shoulder. “I just hope we haven’t pushed her too far to figure that out. I’m not sure I’d forgive myself for that.”

Liam wandered away, and the lights flickered and came back on as the door clicked closed behind him. How did I remain who I needed to be to remove my father and rule yet not become him? It felt like I was walking around with a blade to my throat and one at my back, and no matter what I tried, I lost.

Walking over to the seat Ren had occupied, I sat down, looking at the scattered books and the backpack lying on top.

“What the fuck am I doing?” I mumbled, annoyed with myself yet still feeling like this needed to be done.

Grabbing the books and laptop, I stuffed them inside the empty bag. Opening a smaller pocket, I went to put away her snow tiger pencil case. My thumb ran over the image as I remembered the feel of her skin under my fingers at Thanksgiving.

“Fuck.”

I tried to stuff the case in the pocket, but there was a book in the way. I pulled it out and realized it was the same journal I’d grabbed from her drawer. Sitting back, I flipped open the cover.

Asshole I was, but after what I had done tonight, this was the least of my crimes. If it helped me solve the puzzle…so be it.

DECEMBER 3 – SATURDAY 1:08 AM

Myles

Ren twitched and mumbled, waking me from my light dozing. I’d passed out with a girl before but willingly slept with one, no—that required way more emotional involvement than I wanted to invest. But, laying here with Snowflake felt perfect. It felt like the world had stopped, and I could envision taking her to a lodge and hiding out from the world.

She mumbled again, the words inaudible, yet each small whimper ripped my heart apart a little more. Kissing the top of her head, I held her tighter.

“I’ve got ya, Snowflake,” I whispered until she settled. “I won’t let anything happen to ya ever again.”

Her body suddenly jerked, and she sucked in a deep breath. I knew she’d just woken up even though I couldn’t see her face. The light was on in the bathroom with the door open a crack so she could see, but I was spooning her and didn’t want her to think she was in Ivan’s grasp.