Page 45 of Finding Us
“Hmm,” is Mason’s only reply.
After Blake eats way too much food for a small boy, I bring out the trays of food for Connor and his mates, then we head to my room. We were going to watch a movie because he said the footy was boring—I have to agree—but he spotted my Nintendo Switch, so we ended up gaming instead. He told me he had an X-box at home, so he wasn’t familiar with Super Mario Bros., but I quickly got him caught up. I was surprised how fast he mastered the game; his hand-eye coordination is incredible for someone so young.
We are sitting side by side on my bed with our legs crossed when Blake suddenly pauses the game and asks, “Jazzie, do you have a mum?” It takes me completely off guard.
Connor briefly touched on Blake’s unfortunate situation prior to coming to live with his dad, so there’s no way I’m going to ask him about his own mother, unless he brings it up. I don’t know specifics, but I’m gathering given their current circumstances, it wasn’t great.
“I do.”
“Is she nice?”
“She’s really nice,” I reply.
“My mum isn’t nice.”
“I’m sorry to hear that,” I say, reaching for him before thinking better of it. “My real dad was really mean when I was little, so I know what that feels like.”
“Really? My dad is nice.”
“Yes, he is,” I say, although the jury is still out on that one.
Blake bows his little face. “She used to scream at me and hit me when she couldn’t get her medicine.” I wonder if by medicine he means drugs. “Did your dad ever hit you?”
“Yeah, sometimes,” I say. I hate talking about this, but if I can help this little boy in some way, I’ll answer any question he asks.
“Did he lock you in your room?”
“No, but whenever my dad would get angry, I’d lock myself in my bedroom so I was safe.”
“Annalise used to lock me away all the time … mostly when she had parties.” When I hear him sniffle, I gently run my hand over his back. “Sometimes she would leave me in the room for a really long time. When it got dark, I was scared. If I needed to go to the toilet, I’d have to do it in my pants because the door was locked. That used to make her really mad. She said I was a naughty boy and would smack me hard. I tried to hold it in, Jazzie, but my belly used to hurt when I did.”
“Aww, sweetie. You had no choice … you weren’t being naughty; I hope you know that.”
He shrugs his tiny shoulders. “She’d put me in a really cold shower to punish me. I wasn’t allowed to come out until she said I could.”
What a nasty bitch.
“You poor little thing,” I say as tears cloud my own eyes. When he uses his shirt sleeve to wipe his face, I know he’s crying too. My heart hurts for him. “Would it be okay if I hugged you?”
“Yeah,” he answers, giving me a small smile.
“You are a good, sweet boy, don’t let anyone tell you differently, okay? The things your mum did to you were wrong.” I place a soft kiss on the top of his head before letting him go.
“Do you still see your dad?” he asks.
“No. He ended up going to jail for all the bad things he did.”
His eyes widen. “I don’t see my mum anymore … do you think she’s in jail with your dad?”
“I don’t know.” Because that’s the truth. I vaguely remember Connor mentioning that she’d signed over her parental rights to Mason, but I have no clue what happened from there. “You’ll need to ask your dad that.”
“Okay, Jazzie,” he says, picking up his remote and starting a new game, completely oblivious to the fact that he just broke my heart in two.
“I’m going to go get a drink, do you want one?” I ask, scooting to the side of the bed. What I really need is a moment to collect myself.
“Yes please.”
When I step out into the hallway, I wipe my eyes with the back of my hand. My heart hurts for that little boy, and I can only hope he got away from that woman young enough for it not to leave permanent damage.
