Page 10 of Finding Us
Poor fucking kid.
Blake’s been through so much in his short life, and has only been living with me for just over eleven months. He’ll be turning six later this year, and it makes me angry that I missed the first five. I also feel guilty I wasn’t around to protect him back then. Even though I didn’t know he existed until recently, I can’t shake the fact I’ve let him down somehow.
His mother turned up on my doorstep with him without warning, demanding money. She looked strung out, like she was on drugs. The little boy beside her, with the cute face and large, frightened brown eyes, was dressed in filthy clothes that looked two sizes too small … my heart immediately went out to him.
The woman was pretty enough, and looked like someone I may have gone for in the past … the sober version obviously, I don’t get mixed up in that other shit. I saw the effects of substance abuse when I was a teenager living on the streets. For that reason alone, I was never tempted to dabble. Life for me back then was hard enough without adding an addiction to my list of woes.
Blake’s mother wasn’t familiar to me, and when she said her name was Annalise, that didn’t even ring a bell. I’ve been with too many women over the years to remember them all, and I’ve never been in a serious relationship. I’ve always preferred the no-strings attached kind of lifestyle, and not for the reasons you may think. Witnessing the toxicity in my parents’ marriage growing up was enough to turn me off ever wanting anything long term.
Instead of settling down, I chose to have sex with random women, often. The majority of the time I didn’t even know their names. If they didn’t offer it up, I didn’t ask. So, it was no surprise I didn’t remember this woman.
My old lifestyle is now a thing of the past; Blake’s arrival saw to that. I want to be a good father to him, and to set an example. God only knows what he’s seen growing up with an addict. He deserves to know what it feels like to be loved and cherished. I never got that from my old man, so I’m determined to give that to my son. I know firsthand how important it is to feel wanted.
In the beginning, I wasn’t even sure if Blake was mine, but his brown hair and brown eyes told me there was a possibility. I had no pictures of my younger self to compare him to. When I’d left my childhood home at the tender age of thirteen, my only possessions were the clothes on my back.
Blake’s mother’s hair was bleached blonde, so I couldn’t say for sure what her natural colour was. Her eyes were a pretty shade of green and she had huge, fake tits—just my type—so the possibility that I’d in fact slept with her were high. Although, I’ve never had unprotected sex … I always wrap it.Always.So, there was also that.
Despite my uncertainty I gave her two hundred and fifty dollars, all the cash I had on me at the time, and off she went.She left her son with a complete stranger.Someone she’d possibly spent a couple of hours with years earlier. She had no idea what kind of person I was, which told me everything I needed to know. After informing me she’d be back for him later, she walked away without a backward glance. Whether this kid was mine or not, he deserved better than her. She didn’t return for four days and had zero contact with me in the time she’d been gone.
My concern for this little boy only grew when I took him into the house and gave him something to eat. There was nothing to him; he was practically skin and bones. The way he gobbled down his food, I knew it had been a while since he’d eaten.
I immediately called my friend Connor. I hadn’t known him long at that stage, but he worked for the police department, as a prosecutor, so at the very least, I knew he’d be able to put me in contact with the right people. He turned out to be a godsend and helped me through every step of the process. I owe that guy so much.
Despite my reservations about the entire situation, the first thing we did was take a paternity test. When the results came back that Blake was in fact my son, my life changed in an instant. It was my chance to be the kind of father I wished I’d had growing up.
I’ve been working for the same company since I was fourteen years old and saved every cent I could. My boss, Rob, is a billionaire who dabbles in the stock market, and with his help, I’ve made some great investments over the years. I’ve always been good with numbers, so I picked things up pretty quickly. At twenty-eight years old, I’m financially secure. I had to cash in a lot of my investments to buy the house we are currently living in, and although my childhood hadn’t been the greatest, I wanted my son to have all the positive aspects of the life I’d had growing up. A beautiful home and nice things.Stability.Material wise, I had wanted for nothing, apart from a new father that is.
The one I had was the devil reincarnated. My mother was the complete opposite, sweet and loving, and had the kindest heart. But over the years, my old man had beaten her down so much she was only a shell of her former self. She did her best for me under trying circumstances, and I can’t blame her for leaving. My father was an absolute cunt to her … a tyrant, abuser, and in my eyes a coward.
Thankfully, my nature is geared more towards my mothers, so I knew my son would be safe with me. I’d make sure he got the life he deserved going forward.
Connor advised me to fight for full custody via the traditional route, and despite his reassurance I’d win, I wasn’t taking any chances. That kid was staying with me and I was prepared to do whatever it took to see it happen. I ended up offering Annalise a large sum of cash to sign over all her rights. Money talked, and I needed the transaction to be swift, and as stress free for Blake as possible. I wasn’t surprised when the bitch didn’t even hesitate, after all, the reason she had come looking for me in the first place was a financial one. What sort of mother would sell her own son?
We ended up settling on two-hundred-grand, all the money I had left in the bank after buying the house. My son is worth every penny, and I’d pay it again in a heartbeat. I have absolutely no regrets.
She didn’t even shed a tear as she walked away from him for the final time. She looked like she was in too much of a hurry to go and score a fix.
Blake found it hard at first. It broke my heart to hear him cry for that woman. Even though I could clearly see she’d neglected him, she was all he knew. Time has helped because he doesn’t even mention her anymore. He’s a quiet kid but is flourishing with his new living arrangements. His fear around other females though, hasn’t changed. I have no clue what his fucked-up mother put him through to make him so frightened? I tried to get him into therapy, but he just clammed up and refused to speak.
“You okay, buddy?” I ask as we leave the hospital.
“Yeah,” he answers. “Are you taking me back to day care?”
When I first got Blake, I used to take him to work with me, but he was bored out of his brain there, and I knew it was important he be around other kids. That’s when I searched high and low for the perfect place for him. It would also help with his transition into big school, which he’ll be starting this year.
“No, I think we’ll head home. I can set you up on the lounge with a movie.”
“But I wanna go back … I want to show Max and Braydon my arm.”
The doctor bandaged his wrist and put his arm in a sling, which for a kid is probably cool. I can understand him wanting to show it off to his mates. It’s Friday, so it’ll probably be gone by Monday.
“I don’t know mate.” This new side of me—the overprotective father side—wants to bundle him up in cotton wool and take him home where I know he’ll be safe.
“Please, Dad.”
Hearing him call me that has a smile tugging at my lips. I can’t say no to this kid, especially when he looks at me with those big brown, hopeful eyes … I’m like putty in his tiny hands.
“Okay. How about we swing past McDonalds and get some lunch first?”
