Page 54 of Finding Us
“Briefly, yes.”
“Wow. Okay. He never mentions her to me. I saw firsthand the state he was in when he came to live with me, but I can only surmise what he went through.”
“He didn’t say much, but he told me his mother used to lock him away in his room when she had parties. I’m presuming for a long time because he said he was scared when it got dark.”
“Fuck,” he says, running his fingers through his hair.
“That’s not even the worse part.”
“What else did he tell you?”
“When he was locked away, he had no access to a bathroom and would get punished for wetting his pants. He said she used to hit him and put him in a freezing cold shower as punishment.”
“That bitch!”
“I know. He cried when he talked about it … it broke my heart.” I turn my face away from him when my eyes cloud with tears.
“Hey,” he says, reaching out to place his hand on my arm.
“I’m okay,” I reply, swiping my fingers under my eyes. “I hurt for him … it brought back a lot of things from my childhood.”
“For what it’s worth, I’m sorry for what you went through.”
“My poor mum received the brunt of it …”
“Mine too.”
My gaze snaps back to him. “Your dad was abusive?”
He clears his throat. “Yeah.”
This time I reach out and place my hand on him. “I’m sorry.”
“Thanks,” he says, giving me a tight smile. “We’re a sad and sorry bunch, aren’t we?”
“What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, so they say.”
“Right.” We start walking again. “I’ve wanted to broach the subject with Blake, but I’m not sure how. I tried to get him into therapy, but that didn’t work, he just clammed up. How did you get him to open up?”
“I didn’t. He asked me if I had a mum and if she was nice, and the conversation stemmed from there.”
“Fair enough. Fuck this parenting thing is hard. My greatest fear is that I’m going to do more damage to him.”
“Don’t be so hard on yourself, he seems happy and adjusted. From what I’ve seen you’re a great father. Anyone can see you care about him. As people we make mistakes once and while, but I’m sure there’s nothing you could do that would be worse than where he’s come from.”
“Do you consider me a mistake, Red?”
“What?”
“Do you regret what we did? Me being your first?”
I feel my cheeks heat. I can’t believe he brought that up. “Do I have to answer that?”
“Yes.”
“Do I regret you being my first? No. Do I wish it wasn’t with my brother’s best friend? Yes.” He nods his head, but says nothing further. We stop when we reach his car. “Are you sure about the lift, I honestly don’t mind calling an Uber?”
“I’m driving you home, Red.” I step towards the car and reach for the handle of the back door. “I don’t think so,” he says, sliding his arm around my waist and drawing my body into his. My back is now resting against his chest, and my breath hitches in my throat as his fingers lightly skim over the bare skin on my stomach. “I’m not your chauffeur … you ride in the front with me.”
