Page 49 of Finding Us
“You’re such a good girl,” she says, choking on a sob. “I don’t know what I’d do without you. You make my life worth living.”
“You’re the best mummy in the world.” I lean in, placing a kiss on her cheek.
“I hate this life for you,” she cries.
“I hate it for you too.”
“I wish I could get you away from here, but I don’t know how. I have no money … nowhere to go.”
When the washing is finished, I get one of the kitchen chairs and drag it out the back door and down the three steps. Once I’ve positioned it at the clothesline, I run back inside to grab my father’s work clothes and the pegs. I’ve never hung out washing before, but I’ve watched my mum do it enough to know how it’s done.
Between chores, my day is spent lying beside my mum as she falls in and out of a restless sleep. My eyes remain focused on her chest, grateful it continues to rise and fall.
At lunchtime, I manage to get a few bites of a sandwich into her, and by late afternoon, my dread starts to grow. I know my father will be home soon.
“Mummy,” I say, gently waking her. “What can I cook for dinner?”
“There are sausages and eggs in the fridge. Your dad likes to have some buttered bread on the side.”
“Okay.”
“Do you remember how to use the stovetop?”
“I think so.”
“Don’t turn the element on too high, or you might burn the food.”
For the next half an hour, I go back and forth between the kitchen and my mum’s room getting instructions. And when I hear that familiarBANG!my body immediately tenses.
My hands start to shake as I use the tongs to turn the sausages in the pan. The moment my father enters the kitchen and sees me standing on a chair by the stove, I can tell he’s angry by the look on his face.
“Where’s your fucking mother?” he screams.
“Sh-sh-she’s in bed,” I stutter, frozen in fear. “She was feeling sick, so I told her to lie down and I would cook dinner.”
When he reaches for my arm and drags me off the chair, I’m so frightened of what he’s going to do to me I wet my pants. I feel my face heat with embarrassment, because I’ve never done that before, but my father is so angry and focused on what he’s doing that I don’t think he even notices.
The way he drags me down the hallway hurts so bad, but I don’t cry out, because when my mum does, he gets angrier. When we enter their bedroom, I can no longer hold back my tears. I don’t want him to hurt her any more than he already has.
“Get up, you lazy fucking cunt!” he screams, letting me go and dragging her off the bed.
“Mummy,” I cry out, and I feel the hand that’s wrapped around mine tighten. It’s followed by fingers lightly skimming over my forehead. “Jaz.” I open my eyes and find Connor sitting on the side of my bed. “Are you okay?” he asks.
“No … no I’m not,” I reply, choking on a sob.
“Come here,” he says, opening his arms.
As I cry into his chest, I know exactly what triggered that memory … my conversation with Blake.
Chapter15
Mason
It’s been a week since our big move, and I finally have everything unpacked … our new place now looks like a home. I still miss my old house, but I think we’ll be happy here.
I’ve seen Connor a few times, but I’ve avoided his apartment and his little sister like the plague. Blake has been pestering me about seeing her again, but I’m avoiding that as well. I don’t like to deny my son of anything, but no good can come from hanging around that woman.
Well, that’s my story and I’m sticking to it.
