Page 89 of The Design of Goodbye
“Yeah, Madison,” agreed Claire. “We can’t be friends if you hang out with Roo. We’d have no choice. Maybe think about it more?”
Think about itmore? I didn’t have time to think about it more.
I walked away.
“I don’t know what’s wrong with him,” said Taylor when I neared. She was kneeling next to Liam, panicked. “A car backfired, and he went down. I don’t know if he’s hurt or...”
“I know,” I said shamefully. “I saw.”
“What took you so long?”
“I’m here now.”
To me thatmeanteverything. And, for her, it was enough.
“He won’t talk to me,” she said, voice trembling.
“I know what’s going on.” I kneeled on the cold concrete. “Liam, it’s Madison.” He was rocking back and forth, eyes closed, hands covering his ears. “You’re okay. You’re safe.” Hands inches from his wrists, I said, “I’m going to touch you, okay?”
He nodded slightly, and it was all I needed. I pulled up the sleeves of his jacket. Once his wrists were exposed, I wrapped my hands around them and ran my thumbs over them.
I scooted closer, my body almost on top of his. My tights were probably ripping, but I didn’t care. I felt his frantic breaths in warm bursts against my cheek. We sat like this for so long I began to worry my touch wasn’t calming him like it had weeks ago.
But then, finally, he opened his eyes.
His eyes were glazed over, unfocused. “Look at me,” I whispered. As soon as our eyes met, he relaxed slightly, and his rocking stopped. I desperately wanted to pull him to me. “You’re okay.”
“I’m”—his voice caught—“I’mnot.”
“I don’t lie to you,” I said softly. “Remember?”
A long silence.
Then he finally whispered, “I remember.”
Behind me, someone laughed, and his eyes snapped toward the sound. “Don’t look at them,” I said, gently guiding his face back to mine because all I wanted him to see was me. “Focus on me.”
He didn’t speak again, but I did. I told him to breathe, that he was okay. When he finally uncovered his ears and his arms fell onto his lap, I knew he was coming back to me.
“I’m sorry,” he said after a few seconds. He was angry with himself, and thatalmostdevastated me more than witnessing his panic attack. “I don’t know what happened.”
“A car backfired,” I explained.
“I don’t remember.”
“That’s okay.”
He caught Taylor’s worried gaze and the crowd of people watching. His face flushed a deep red. “I have to go.”
He was halfway to standing when I pulled him back down. It was easy enough to do, considering how unsteady he was. “You need more time.”
“I have to go to work.”
He wouldn’t look at me. In fact, he was staring at the ground, looking anywhere but at me and the people around him.
“You can’t bike, let alone work after that. Come to my house. You can call off work, and we can hang out.”
“No.” He jerked his arm out of my grip and stood. He struggled to get his bike upright, and Taylor ended up helping him.
