Page 61 of Last Letters to Ara
This makes me laugh. “I will admit, this is the first time I’ve punched anyone or anything.”
He looks up at me then. “It seemed like it was long overdue.”
I know what he’s asking. Theo came to my rescue without a second thought, and the least I can do is give him an explanation.
“Katie was my roommate in college. She was also my best friend.” Theo’s brows lift in a mixture of surprise and disgust as he connects the dots, but he doesn’t interrupt. “Truthfully, she only became my best friend by default. We shared a dorm room and classes together, but that’s about as far as our similarities went. She used to drag me to parties, and that’s where I eventually met Blake.
“I was still hung up on my ex-boyfriend from high school, and I figured Blake might be a way to get him out of my head. I never planned on dating him because to be honest, I didn’t even reallylikehim.
I sigh. “After that first time, he became a familiar face at parties which I started to rely on, not being the mostextrovertedperson. One thing led to another, and he started sleeping over, and Blake sort of assumed that meant we were boyfriend and girlfriend. I never corrected him.
“You know everything you need to know about the between. Our relationship was extremely unhealthy, but I was too much of a pushover to stand my ground and get out of it. Plus, I genuinely believed I was to blame for all our issues, and felt like I constantly owed it to him to be better.
I groan. “It makes me cringe thinking back on it, now. The red flags seem so obvious, but back then I didn’t really acknowledge them. I messed up my first relationship, at least I always thought I did.”
I don’t tell Theo that he’s the reason I stopped regretting my breakup with Cameron. I’d always thought he was the one to get away until Theo walked into my life, making me feel more alive than I’deverfelt with Cameron. Realizing that things with Cameron had been lukewarm, at best, showed me that ending it with him had always been the right choice.
“Anyway, I was so caught up in thinking that I made a huge mistake by ending onerelationship that I ended up making the biggest mistake of them all: staying in a toxic one.” I had already been thinking about leaving college. I was miserable, having less than zero interest in what I was studying and not knowing what I would do with it. The only thing that had been keeping me there was the peer pressure from others to stay and the stigma of being a dropout.
“I thought Dad would be disappointed in me if I left college, but when I finally got the guts to tell him I wasn’t happy, he told me he was so relieved that I was finally talking to him about it. Dad knew me better than anyone, and he could tell I had been miserable since my first day.
I smile, missing the way Dad knew me and accepted me. The thought cuts deep but doesn’t incapacitate me the way it would have last month. “Once I had his blessing, I was planning to wrap up the remaining semester and then drop out. About a week later, my professor was ill and canceled our class at the last minute. I came back to the dorm early, only to find Blake and Katie inmybed.
“I told Blake to get out of her, my dorm, and then my life, packing my stuff right then and blocking them on everything. I never got the explanation of why or how long it had been going on, but to be honest, I didn’t need or want it. I stayed with my dad until I got the job at the café and stumbled upon this apartment, and I’ve been trying to figure out what to do ever since. Until today.”
“Until today.” Theo smiles, sharing in the happiness which the night began with. A celebration for finding a job that I love. Theo is quiet as he finishes the wrap on my hand and starts with the tape. “That douchebag is even worse than I initially thought.”
My laugh is dry, void of real humor. “Yeah, now you know why I haven’t itched to get close to people.” Until recently, that is.
He nods.
Desperately in need of changing the subject, I decide to tell him about Lou. “I made a friend.”
“Oh?”
“Yeah. You were my first friend since all of that, and you made me realize that it’s not so bad to let people in, as long as they’re worth it.” I look up and meet his eyes, hoping he knows just how worth it he is. “Remember my replacement from the café?”
He nods. “Yeah, the bubbly blonde.”
I smile. She is the bubbliest of all blondes. “Her name is Lou, and she just recently moved to Florida. We started hanging out, and we’ve become friends. Real friends.”
He smiles, brushing his fingers across the areas of skin not covered by the bandage. “I’m happy for you.”
Seemingly satisfied with his work, Theo lays my hand gently on my thigh and slowly turns toward me. This isexactlywhy I should have sat on a chair at the table.
Theo grabs one of my loose waves, giving it a tug before he tucks it behind my ear, fingers lingering a while longer than necessary.
He finally speaks again. “You’re screwed.”
I have no idea where he is going with this, but I don’t like it. “What do you mean?”
Theo takes his time as he reaches up and brushes my cheek. “This is the part where you inevitably fall in love with me.”
A jackhammer has replaced the organ previously known as my heart.
He smirks. “I’ll take your silence as confirmation.”
“You’re clearly mistaken. My silence was induced by how faroffthe mark you are. I’m not falling foranyone.”
