Page 89 of Last Letters to Ara
This tattoo isn’t just something spontaneous, it’s something with a meaning so deep, his answer hasn’t even scratched the surface. I put a sock in my mind’s mouth, clutch Theo’s hand, and don’t release it until the end.
• • •
Florida’s bright, April sunshine hits my face as I step out of the tattoo shop. Thankfully it’s not too humid today, so I have an extra thirty seconds before I’m pooling with sweat.
“I should be going,” Theo says, realizing the time. “My meeting mates weren’t too happy about my pet fish’s cousin breaking their hip.”
I chuckle. “Thank you for coming.”
It takes physical restraint to stop the questions from pouring out of me.
Theo reaches up, grabbing one of my waves, giving it a little tug. I close my eyes as he tucks it behind my ear, his fingers leaving a hot, delicate path. I expect him to pull away as he usually does, but my eyes flash open as he slides his palm across my cheek until he’s gripping me softly.
Theo slowly leans down, resting his forehead against mine. “It’s not my secret to tell, but hopefully one day I can tell you everything.” His hands slide up my hips to my waist and he presses me against the window.
A trickle of sweat drips down my spine as I think about all the people inside watching this. Watchingusand the way his body is pressing against mine.Today is turning out to be a day of self-discovery as I realize the idea of strangers being able to see sends its own thrill and heat through my core.
Nose to nose, with his lips only a breath away, he continues. “I plan to make this slow burn so goddamn worth it.”
“Are you referencing another trope?”
He chuckles. “The best one.”
Theo’s lips are millimeters away, waiting patiently to see what I will do about it. War breaks out within me between everything that I feel for him, everything my body wants, and everything that monster who rules me fears. She needs to be slayed and put to bed forever, but I don’t knowhow.
I like you, Theo.The words are on the tip of my tongue, my heart a beating drum, all I have to do is tell him how I feel, tell him what I want.
Theo’s chest begins to rise and fall with his heavy breaths.
I open my mouth.
“Once you say it, there is no going back.” His eyes hold an intensity I’ve never seen before.
I close my mouth.
“Once you’re mine it’s forgood, but you need to be ready for that.”
AmI ready? My mouth remains shut as I begin to panic, to run through every scenario in which I could ruin this. Gone are the games, the tiptoeing around it, the pretending. It’s no longer a question ofifbetween us, it is only a question ofwhen. As much as it lights me on fire, it equally terrifies me.
As usual, Theo reads my mind and pulls away, giving me my space. Surely there will be an end to his patience one day, I just pray that this isn’t it. If I don’t get a handle on my fears, they will be what ruins this before it begins. Theo is understanding, respectful, and tolerant, but still a man.
With that, he walks to his car trying to hide the hint of disappointment, and I don’t see him for another month.
Last Year - Theo
I BLOW OUTa breath.
I’m not in a hurry to get back. Connor is going to be waiting around to see how it went. As my best friend, well,brotherI should say, I think it hurts him just as much as it hurts me when I get rejected. Possibly more.
The concrete step at least isn’t digging into me as I sit here feeling sorry for myself. It’s one of those weirdly soft, porous, kind of curvy ones, and it’s all I can really ask for. The news needs to soak in so I can make a new plan before I face Connor and inevitably crush his hopes for me.
Somehow, I thought this one was going to beit. I’d had this weird feeling this morning, convinced thatthiswas the day. I’dfeltit, or thought I had.
Itwassomething, I guess.
Something that consisted of me not getting my foot past the receptionist desk before security showed me out. They left me outside the office door, plopping my manuscript onto the ground, as if it wasn’t my life’s creation, its words resting across the pages.
I can’t look at it right now. In a way, it feels like the pages and the characters who live within are upset with me for not having figured out a way to share them with the world yet. So, it remains in the spot next to me, where I had gently set it before dropping my head in my hands.
