Page 87 of Last Letters to Ara
“I miss you.” My voice is a whisper as I clutch the letter to my chest, imagining that he’s here. I can almost feel the safety of Dad’s arms as I take a deep breath, remembering the smell of his favorite aftershave. One single tear falls before I take a seat on my couch and gently open the letter.
Dear Ara,
It’s probably too optimistic, but I’m hoping that this month hasn’t been too hard on you. Don’t feel bad that I missed a birthday. To be honest, I don’t think I ever wanted to see the day where I started losing my hair and looking like an old man anyway. Starting a life in diapers is bad enough, I never wanted to go out the same way.
Although, it would’ve been a fair price to pay to get more time with you.
Did I ever tell you that I’ve always wanted to go to Greece? Your mother is the one who got me to fall in love with the idea of going. There is an island there named Rhodes. They sometimes call it “Knight’s Island.”
The beaches are beautiful, and history is etched into everything. There is a castle and cliffs and views that I’m sure the pictures haven’t done justice. We wanted to drink cocktails on the warm sand and swim in the crystal waters.
We’d always planned on going together, but things came up which seemed more important. After your mother passed, I’d always planned to take you. You’ll have to go visit for all of us one day.
Looking back, I see that there was never going to be a right time. There is never a right or easy time for anything. You have to make time for it, even when it seems difficult. That goes for relationships, following your dreams, a trip, or even something simple that you’ve always wanted to do.
The point of this letter, Ara, is don’t let those things build up. Don’t put them off. Take advantage of your time and doallof those little things. I want you to do the big things too. Cross them off your list. Life is too short to keep putting them off.
That brings me to the task of this month. My only birthday wish.
I want you to go out and do something which you’ve always wanted to do but haven’t.
I want you to cross something off that list.
I’d guess it’s been roughly four months. It’s weird to think that I won’t be able to see the changes. You may have cut your hair by now or changed your wardrobe. I think it’ll be those little changes as you grow that I’ll miss the most. Just please promise me you’ll never try to go blonde again.
I’ll admit that today has been a bit of a rough day for me. I’m not feeling very inspiring or eloquent and I’m sorry for that. But I want you to know that I’m being cared for, and I don’t feel alone. I’ve still been managing to find joy in most of my days.
I hope you are doing the same.
I love you so much.
I miss you every day.
Love,
Dad
His words are bittersweet, and I want nothing more than to comfort him despite the struggles he faced that day. Knowing that he was cared for eases some of the worry I’ve buried these passing months, and he’s right. Thereissomething I’ve been wanting to do and today I’m going to do it.
Me: What are you doing right now?
Theo: In a meeting with the publishers. What’s up?
Me: Is it an important meeting?
Theo: It’s a meeting that definitely could have been put in an email.
Me: In that case, tell them your pet fish’s cousin fell and broke their hip and urgently needs your help.
Theo: Where do I meet you?
• • •
I get out of my car and make it inside. We aren’t off to a good start when the snotty receptionist makes me feel like more of an inconvenience than a customer.
Sorry for existing, bitch face.
I take a seat on the comfy leather couch to fill out the necessary forms and wait for my turn. I’m a bit worried as to whose hands I’m about to lay the fate of my body into. My social ineptitude is bad enough, so I have no idea how I’m going to relate with someone wild enough to do this for a living. All my fears are put to rest when the tattoo artist turns out to be a big teddy bear, covered in ink. I mean, I literally want to hug the guy.
