Page 67 of Last Letters to Ara
“Right, of course,” I say with an eye roll.
I move to grab us some plates for the pizza as she opens the boxes, the aroma of carbs and cheese filling my kitchen. Talk of Theo is banned tonight, saving me from having to mention that I saw Theo today, and the fact that I broke our no-touching protocol in under a minute.
“So, how is it going at the café?” With everything that’s been going on in my life, I feel like I haven’t checked in on her enough.
“Honestly, I don’t mind it. Dealing with Karen isn’t a walk in the park, but I manage. I come from the South, which feels weird to say now that I’m in Florida, which is technicallymoreSouth, but way lessSouthern,if you know what I mean.”
I laugh because it’s true. “Florida is its own country.”
“That’s what we say in the South! Anyway, where I’m from, people are both the nicest folks you’ve ever met, but also tough as nails. Teachers, bosses, parents...there’s no messing around or room for disrespectin’.”
“Well, I’m glad you’re handling Karen much better than I ever did. I was worried I was sentencing you to something terrible.”
Lou waves me off. “She’s nothing I can’t handle. Plus, I enjoy meeting so many people from all over the world.”
“Why did you move down here anyway?”
“I needed a bit of change.A lotof change, actually.” I can tell this is a sore subject for her by the shift in tone. “My family are amazing people, but they have very strict views on certain things. Love andwhoone should love is one of them.”
I reach over and squeeze her hand. “You don’t have to dive into all of that unless you want to, but I’m ready to listen if you do.”
She smiles at me. “It feels good to talk about it, for once. I’ve never had a friend I could share mytrueself with.”
“That must have been really hard.” I wasn’t big on friends either, but I always had Dad, who made it a point to be the best friend someone could have.
She shrugs. “At first, nobody suspected anything was different about me. I threw myself into school and activities, so everyone thought I was just a smart, ambitious young woman. And I was, but it started so I’d have an excuse not to go on dates with the boys who asked me out.
“About two years ago, everyone in my graduating class went to college, which I opted out of. My parents weren’t happy and couldn’t understand why I’d worked so hard in high school if I wasn’t planning to continue my education. I told them I wanted to learn business through practical application instead.
“By that point, all my peers were in serious relationships or getting engaged. My mother, having pretty much the only daughter not spoken for in our community, started trying to set me up on dates.” Lou lets out a humorless laugh.
“Even if Iwasstraight, no way in hell would I have gone out with these guys. They were theliteralleftovers. I told her that I wanted to get my life more established before letting someone else take such a big part of it, and it got me off the hook for a while…but last year the façade came crumbling down.
“We went to a big community brunch and this girl, Becca, who hated my guts since kindergarten, had had one too many. She ran into me and ended up spilling her drink all over herself, but of course, she blamed me. To get back at me, she made a big announcement in front of everyone accusing me of being gay. Once the words were out of her mouth, there was no denying it.
“In a way, I was mortified for having my secret come out, but not because people knew my secret, that was a relief, if I’m honest. I was mortified for giving that power to someone else. Even worse, to Becca. I should have been brave enough to say something on my own, years before.
“That night, my motherbeggedme to go on a date with a man, to quell the rumors. She wanted to make it all disappear.” Lou sighs. “I know she regrets asking me to do such a thing, but I haven’t been able to look at her the same since. She asked me, herdaughter, to set aside what made mehappy,rather than asking the community to be more accepting, all to avoid being a spectacle.
“I worked three jobs for the rest of the year and saved up enough money to relocate on my own. People were looking at me funny until the day I left town. My plan is to keep working for a couple more years until I’ve saved up enough to open my own café.”
There is so much layered into what she just told me: fear of judgment, fear of rejection, loss of family, loss of friendship. I realize Lou and I aren’t very different. Though I could never claim to know what she’s gone through, I understand her. I want to remind her that she’s made it. That she has me, and I love her regardless. The best way I can do that is to show her it doesn’t change anything for me.
“Okay, but why the hell did you pickFlorida? You could have goneanywhere!”
Her laugh is weak, but there is more light in her eyes than before. “Honestly, it seemed like the only place weird enough that didn’t require a passport. I thought if there are people who choose to live in swamps and naked people getting eaten by alligators, I wouldn’t stick out.”
I burst into laughter. She joins in, until tears shed from our eyes. At first, they are the tears that have worked their way out after what she’s shared, but they are soon replaced by tears of humor and happiness at the realization that despite everything she’s been through, she can still laugh. We laugh and laugh and laugh until our stomachs are cramping and our cheeks ache.
When the hysteria finally starts to ebb, Lou continues, “I also read that Tampa Bay has one of the worst coffee cultures in all of America, and I figured I could start a coffee revolution.”
“Lou, you might very well be a genius. There are liketworeal coffee shops…and seventeen Starbucks.”
“I know.” She’s quiet for a moment. “Ara, I don’t want what I’ve told you to make you think badly of my family. They tried their best to accept me. I think it’s hard when you’re faced with someone you love going against everything you’ve been taught about right and wrong. I think we all just need time.”
“It’s okay, Lou. I don’t think they’re bad people.”
“I really did try, you know? To live up to what people believed was right, but after a while, I realized it’s not something you get to wake up and choose, no matter how hard you want to.”
