Page 27 of Last Letters to Ara
Ultimately, it was because of Dad’s letter. He told me to help someone find something to be happy about, and I wanted that person to be Theo. Tonight has been liberating, that first burst of oxygen after being held under the surface by my grief. I know that I can trust Theo with the full story, but I’m just not ready for the liberating feeling to ebb when I dive into everything about Dad.
As if Theo followed my train of thought, “Another time, maybe?”
“Another time,” I promise as the Uber pulls up to the parking lot.
Theo opens my door for me, closing it, before he joins me in the backseat from the other side. We arrive at the airport in no time, getting dropped off at his car, a dark blue BMW that’s old enough to be considered special. It’s classy, stylish, and old-fashioned, just like Theo.
“It was a gift from my grandfather when he passed away. He knew I would take good care of his favorite gal,” he says with a loving pat on the hood.
“She’s got charm. Just like her driver.”
“Are you feeling alright?” Theo looks me over, concerned. “That almost sounded like a compliment.”
“God forbid,” I say with an eye roll.
Having to spend the entire drive giving Theo directions, I can’t help but feel like our last remaining time has been robbed from us. When he pulls to a stop outside my place, I’m not ready to say goodbye, nor am I ready to see where inviting him upstairs would take us.
Instead, I become determined to avoid the severely awkward part of the night where he sits there waiting for me to invite him in and I’llknowhe’s waiting for me to invite him in. But I don’t want to invite him in (mostly because my house is a disaster). But I also don’t want himtothink/knowthat I don’t want to invite him in, so instead we end up sitting there in never-ending awkward silence for way too long.
“I’ll see you around, Theo,” I pipe up quickly, keeping it straightforward and simple as I scramble out of the car.
As I’m walking away, I hear his door shut followed by sure footsteps.
I turn around just in time to see him close the last few feet between us.
“Theo–”
He does the one thing I don’t expect and engulfs me into a hug, my body instantly relaxing into his as he wraps one arm around my upper back. Cradling my head to his chest while the other wraps around my waist, in an annoyingly respectable way, he then rests his cheek on the top of my head.
Theo was built in a mold just for me, fitting my body perfectly. Taking a deep inhale, I’m instantly intoxicated, becoming wrapped in the scent of fresh greenery and cinnamon. Finally getting the hype of the pine smell I’ve read so much about, I could literally die and be reborn in his arms.
“I’m not sure what I was doing before you came along, but it sure wasn’t living.” Theo pulls back, playfully twirling one of my loose waves around his finger before tucking it behind my ear and walking back to his car. I’m stuck in a mental coma, staring after him the entire way, too dazed to even check out his butt.
Theo reaches his car, shooting me a confused look. “I don’t want to leave until you’ve made it inside.”
For fuck’s sake, Theo, please do something I can hate.
Sending him a salute, I force my legs to carry me up the stairs to the front door of my apartment, focusing on the feel of my keys as I let myself inside. Giving Theo a final wave before closing the door behind me, I rush to pull out my phone and open the camera roll.
The first photo sends shock waves through me. It’s a picture of me smiling at Theo, while he’s being goofy and I look so…content. Flipping to the next one where we are smiling together, the breath is knocked out of me when I see Theo’s eyes glowing so bright, they could rival the stars. Finally swiping to the last photo of us, posing like tourists, my heart erupts at the undiluted joy plastered across our faces. Neither of us were looking at the camera, too busy laughing at the other.
Once I’m done setting Theo’s contact ID as the one of his goofy face, I sit down on my couch, examining our faces until the screen goes dark. I know in my bones that I made Theo happy tonight, he even feltalive.Reaching up, I grasp the wave Theo wrapped around his fingers, as if I can soak up what remains of his touch.
Dad was right.
Theo’s happiness mademehappy, too.
So I sit here alone in my apartment as I pretend like that’s what friends are for.
Five Years Ago - Ara
DAD HAS BEENunusually quiet this morning. I know him well enough to know exactly what is on his mind, but curiosity has gotten the best of me, and I want to see how long it’s going to take him before he finally coughs it up.
Slowly pouring us bowls of Honey Nut Cheerios, it takes strength to withhold my smile. It’s already been about five minutes since I found him in the kitchen, intentionally running behind on his morning routine to get the chance to talk to me.
“How did you sleep?” He’s stalling.
“Good! How about you?”
