Page 21 of Last Letters to Ara
I miss him so much that myvery soulhurts, wishing for nothing more than to be able to sit down and speak with him in person. He would reassure me, tell me not to be afraid, even cheer me on at the decision that I made to quit my job. I would also tell him about Theo so he could warn me off men forever.
I would give anything to hear his chuckle and feel his calming presence one last time, but I never will. These letters were his last stand against the Universe that took him away from his daughter when she still needed him. It has to be enough.
Swiping at my eyes, they clear enough for me to make out the name embroidered on the pocket of his shirt. “Thank you, Dave. You have no idea how much these letters mean to me.”
The last time he was here, all I noticed was that he was sweaty and out of breath, so lost in my devastation that I hadn’t noticed his kind smile that’s surrounded by lines which tell me he does it a lot, and rosy cheeks that are rather endearing.
“It’s been my pleasure,” Dave says with another happy grin. “Since you know my name, it’s only fair if I know yours in return.”
“I’m Ara.” I point to my name on the letter with a cautious smile of my own.
“You have a nice smile, Ara, it’s a shame I didn’t get to see much of it last month.”
I flinch. I was horrible to this adorable old man.
“Oh, I’m sure you had your reasons, just happy to see you’ve got some light in those eyes, sweetie. You’re too young for it to be any other way.”
“Thanks, Dave.” Seeing as I’m about thirty seconds away from going full sobs on this unsuspecting man, I need to make a quick exit. “I better be going.”
“You have a good day now, darlin.”
“You, too,” I say and shut my door.
This time, I don’t wait to open the letter. I don’t fear what’s inside, I crave it. And that feeling is so far away from where I was a month ago.
Dear Ara,
Remember that time those kids spread that awful rumor about you in school? Well, at the time you hadn’t actually told me why you were upset, but I found out later on. I couldn’t stand seeing you so hurt.
We stopped by the grocery store under the guise of needing to get something for dinner, but really I was only there to buy the nicest looking brownies and vanilla ice cream they had to offer in an attempt to cheer you up.
We went home, watchedThe Iron Giantfor the hundredth time and found something to be happy about. The world could have been ending around us, but sitting there in that living room, saying the lines out loud when our favorite scenes came around, that was happiness.
You might be wondering what this has to do with anything. Well, I’ve been feeling pretty nostalgic lately, and I’ve been passing time by going through my favorite memories with you, just to make sure I don’t forget a single one.
Besides that, I want you to always find something to be happy about, even if it feels like the world has gone to ruin, and sometimes when that’s too hard, helping others find their happiness helps us find some of our own.
Which brings me to your task for this month.
Help someone find something to be happy about.
It can be big or small and for a total stranger. I want you to do something that brings a smile to their face and happiness to their life. It’s a good place to start on the road to finding your own.
Oh, one more thing before I leave you to it. It’s okay if you haven’t got it all figured out. I believe in you. Remember to believe in yourself, too, even when I’m not there to remind you.
I miss you. Wherever I go, I know that will be true.
Now go find the someone for this task.
Love,
Dad
I know he wants me to rush out into the world and start shitting rainbows for people’s happiness, but I need a minute—or ten—with this tissue box. Potentially all day.
At some point, I stopped trusting myself to make the right decisions. Maybe it was when my choices started leading to so much hurt. I don’t think I’ve ever gotten over what happened after I’d made the decision to trust, and before that, when I’d put in so much effort to get into college, just to throw it all away because it isn’t what I wanted to do.
Once that self-assurance was lost, I granted thisthinginside me more power than ever, and it greedily took over the wheel, not allowing me to make decisions for myself. I know it’s why I’ve stayed at the café for so much longer than I should have, rather than working on something I genuinely care about. It’s why I haven’t let anyone in as a friend or more in...a while. That monster has been feeding me poison and I’ve let it.
