Page 138 of Last Letters to Ara
“Mr. Jenkins was setting up the TV.” I’m pleased when I manage to keep my voice level.
“Right.” His smile has returned, and he launches back into his tale. “So after school I waited around long enough that most of the faculty would have gone home, including Mr. Jenkins. I snuck into the classroom and changed out the tape.”
“What did you put on instead?”
He smiles victoriously as I ask the question he wasdyingfor me to ask. “Porn.”
I snort. “You fucking didn’t.”
“I. Fucking. Did.” He smiles. “Right at the climax, too.”
I laugh. A genuine, deep laugh.
“Mr. Jenkins jumped out of his skin. I’ll never forget the look on his face as the moans rang out and the thrusting began. It’s like he couldn’t hit the power button no matter how hard he tried.” I imagine poor Mr. Jenkins’ hands trying to push a button, slipping around like everything was greased in oil.
We’re both laughing now. I’ve got tears in my eyes and the melancholy feeling of wanting to sit here with this man forever. His laugh turns into coughs, his coughs turn into wheezes, and I’m reminded of the imminent reality instead.
With every day that passes, I understand his choice not to tell his daughter. Seeing him in pain is killing me. Changing me. I can’t imagine having an entire lifetime to love this man and seeing it end this way.
“You know what’s a weird thing, Theo?”
“What’s that?”
“Time.” William pauses. “In a moment it seems to crawl by, but before you know it, it’s gone. Don’t let time slip away from you, Theo, you have to promise me that you won’t.”
It’s the easiest one I’ve ever made. “I promise.”
I let myself absorb his warning about time, vowing that with every moment that passes, I will ensure that life grows from my time. One day, I’ll mark a permanent reminder of it into my skin.
“Say, get an old man a beer?”
I give him a hesitant look, not sure what the right thing to do is.
“What? Is it bad for my health?”
Point taken.
We drink beer after beer until even the wallpaper is hilarious, making the most of our time, not letting even a moment slip away.
As every moment with him is doing.
Present – Ara
A KNOCK ONmy door startles me, and I release the pedal of my machine as I yell for them to come in. There are only two possibilities for who it is, both male, and I know which one would knock and which one would barge in.
Theo pokes his head in, a smile on his face. “Hey, sorry to interrupt, but something arrived for you.” He opens the door wider, and I notice that he’s carrying a light gray envelope.
I’ve been so intent on completing this project, I’d totally overlooked the significance of today. I cover my mouth, not sure how to feel about the fact that I’d completely forgotten.
“Ara, he would want you to be doing exactly what you’re doing.” Theo’s words settle over me, quelling the rising guilt and nausea with it. “You’re healing.”
My dad’s message in every letter, over and over, is that he wants me tolive. He wants me to experience everything that life has to offer. Pouring everything I have into something I love is exactly what he would want. In fact, the entire purpose of these letters was to ensure I did just that. I take the letter from Theo, thanking him as he ducks out the door to give me privacy.
Feeling my dad’s presence, I hold the letter to my chest and tell him, “A lot has changed this month.” One happy tear trickles down my face. With the increasing demand of my designs, and Theo asking me to move in with him, it’s been a whirlwind. Of course, I’d accepted and submitted a formal change of address to the post office on the same day, also making sure Dave knew where I would be.
Theo and Connor gave me free choice of which room I wanted for my design room, Connor even offered to move out of his room if it had the best setup for what I needed. I responded to his sweet gesture by staying as far away from his room as possible, so as to never hear him with a girl.
That said, in the almost month I’ve officially lived here, and the countless nights before that, he’s neveroncebrought someone home with him. Theo says this is Connor’s sacred space, and all the debauchery has to happen elsewhere so as to not desecrate it, but I’ve also gotten to know him better, learned what he’s gone through, and it’s forged a permanent bond between us. We understand each other in a way that’s only possible when you’ve lost the person you care about most.
