Page 136 of Last Letters to Ara
But I’ve changed, haven’t I?
“Wow,” Theo says, taking it all in. “This is a lot.”
“No kidding,” I say dryly.
“Well, there is only one question.”
I stop pacing and face him, heart pounding, adrenaline making me feel spinny.
“What do you want to do about it?”
Before I can come up with an answer, a knock sounds at my front door. I close my eyes, relieved at the sense of normalcy that I hope will be delivered on the other side of that door.
“Hold that thought,” I say as I walk out of my bedroom and into my living room. Sure enough, Dave is smiling away on the other side of the door, light gray envelope in hand.
“Have you had a good month, Ara?”
I smile. “One of the best.”
“That’s good to hear, sweetheart.” His eyes are full of warmth, and I can tell he is truly happy for me. “Tell Theo I said hello.”
“Will do,” I say as I shut my door.
“Another letter?” Theo asks from my doorway.
I nod, taking a seat on my couch, ready to find out what’s inside.
Dear Ara,
I’ve been watching a lot of TV recently, all kinds of shows really, but I’ve mostly been alternating between an old action series from the 80s and a funny one about a psychic detective. I’ve never been one to binge watch, but I’ve been enjoying it, having some really good laughs.
What I love about these shows is there is always another adventure, another risk they take without knowing what the outcome will be. It gets my heart pumping every time, wondering if this is the moment they get caught, or busted, or whatever.
I wish I had given you a life which had more adventure. I wasn’t the most fun parent, having always been content to stay home and spend my time with you. Except, I should have encouraged you to get out more. To chase adventure and do things which get your heart beating out of your chest.
That said, I could never regret the time we spent together, even if it was mostly being plopped on your couch or mine watching movies. I would choose that over any other adventure in the world. But for you? I want you to see the very best that the world has to offer.
Which, of course, brings me to your task this month.
I want you to do something crazy, something that makes your heart beat out of your chest. I want you to know what it’s like to have adrenaline coursing through your veins, not knowing what is going to happen next. I want it all for you, Ara.
And as always, I wish I was there to see it.
Since I know I won’t, I’ll imagine you came over to my house, barging in without a knock. You’d find me in the kitchen, preparing a new recipe I found online and printed out. I’d probably be frustrated about it not turning out right, but you’d come in and save my day by sharing a story of excitement.
You’d tell me all about it, or perhaps you wouldn’t, depending on the content, you’re a grown woman now, after all. But even if you chose not to tell me, I’d still see that look in your eye and know that my little girl was living.
I love you so much, Ara.
I miss you every day.
But you already know all of that.
So go get that heart beating.
Love,
Dad
