Page 11 of Last Letters to Ara
Our eyes meet and I forget why I’ve been fighting at all. Somewhere distant, my logical side is shouting, accompanied by that darker part ready to sink its teeth into me, but I’m already lost. Stolen away by the green of fairytale forests in far-off worlds, flecked with golden magic and a soul within that is full of kindness and depth, shadowed by the kind of things one can’t gather from just one look. They’re the kind of eyes which have seen both the beauty and ugliness that this world has to offer.
The urge to uncover what lies behind those shadows will soon become overwhelming. I rarely find anyone interesting enough that the desire to get to know them could become equal in measure to my fear of doing so. There is just something about him that’s...captivated me. Which is just unhinged, considering I’m in the middle of an existential crisis, having lost the person I love most and realizing I have no idea where my life is headed.
If I stay here any longer, I’m going to start asking questions about his past and he will surely want to learn about mine. That would require opening up, delving into my past while I struggle to face my present. I can’t risk putting myself in such a vulnerable position or making said crisis any worse.
Susan clears her throat and we both jump. She’s got the check and I need to make my next move. Though every bone in my body is begging me to stay, a single thought in the direction of broken trust drives me from the booth.
“You’ve got this one, right?” I give him a little wink. “Make sure you leave Susan a good tip since I’m a regular.” With that, I leave Theo and his bewildered expression behind.
As I walk out of the diner my heart begins a violent, uneven assault on my ribcage. I can’t tell if it’s my body screaming at me to go back to him, or because of the sick pleasure generated by Theo’s stunned face at my sudden departure.
Letting out an evil little giggle, I make my way down the sidewalk, back toward the park, and I can’t help but think of Dad’s fourth task for today:
Remember to appreciate what it’s like to live.
I pretend like that appreciation that I’m feeling right now has nothing to do with Theo.
Five Years Ago - Ara
WEIRD.DAD IShome early. Normally, I’m home from school and already finished with homework by the time he can get out of the office. I insert my key into the front door, giving it the special jiggle that makes it turn, and let myself inside. I don’t make it past the threshold before my backpack and books clatter to the old, hardwood floors.
My dad has always been a simple, practical man, just like our home. Even the rooms which have been renovated keep the same, old-fashioned vibe that makes you feel right at home. Except for right now, as silver reflective streamers flow down from the ceiling, a new one taped only inches away from the last, creating a sea of shininess.
I slowly clear a path to walk, feeling like I’m making my way through the jungle in an alternate universe, and finally spot my dad standing in the kitchen, next to a giant bowl of punch. “Did someone break in?”
Dad’s face slackens. “What do you mean?”
“Who did all of this?”
“I did.”
Though it seems like the obvious answer, I can’t make it click in my head. “You decorated the house?”
“Yes.”
“Why? And why are you in a suit?”
“It’s a special occasion.”
“No, it’s not.”
“Yes, it is. It’s prom night.”
No way. “I’m not going, no matter what crap you try to guilt trip me with.”
“You don’t have to.”
“Well, they’ll arrest you for being creepy if you try to go by yourself.”
Dad rolls his eyes, and I can’t help but see our similarities when he does that. “We aren’tgoingto prom. We arehavingone.” He gestures to the obnoxious decorations. “Here.”
A prom I don’t have to leave the house for and brave the torment of shitty teenagers for hours on end? “But I don’t have anything to wear.”
Dad smiles. “Go check your closet.”
I can’t resist. Dropping the façade of unaffected, I take off in a sprint to my room, through my door, and throw open the closet. The beautiful, black, Disney villain dress that stole my heart hangs perfectly in the center.
I pop my head out of my room to see my dad standing in the hallway, a safe distance away. He’s not blind, so I know he can see the tears well in my eyes as I look up to the ceiling to blink them away.
