Page 101 of Last Letters to Ara
“I have a daughter.” The way his voice cracks sends emotion swirling in my own eyes, and I look hard at my waffles, trying to contain it before I can’t. He pauses, collecting himself. “She’s all I have in the world, and I’m the only one she has, too. Being that for someone feels good, until the day you find out that you have no choice but to abandon them.”
Utterly. Fucking. Wordless.
“She isn’t ready for this, and I’m not too sure she can weather this storm without me. She’s already lost too much as it is.” He clears his throat and looks out the window. “I can’t leave knowing that. Knowing that I haven’t done everything in my power to make sure she is okay.”
“Does she know?”
“No, she doesn’t.” He looks at me, intent. “And she won’t.”
“It’s none of my business, but can I ask why?” Wouldn’t he want his daughter by his side? Wouldn’t he want to say goodbye? Give her the chance of saying goodbye as well?
“I’m going to suffer. Hopefully not for long, but I’m going to suffer. I’d like to think that I’m strong, someone who would go through it with their grace and dignity intact, but I won’t delude myself into thinking that I will be the same.
“If she finds out, there is not a distance far enough that would stop her from being there for every moment. And that would mean that she would have to lose me little by little, every single day. It would mean that when she remembers me, she will remember how I looked frail and in pain as she watches more of myself disappear into the misery and fear of death.
“At least this way, when she remembers me, it won’t be wiping my mouth, getting me out of bed, or seeing the light go out. She will remember the best parts. The most important parts.”
I can do nothing but listen and marvel at the love this man has for his daughter as my heart cracks for what they stand to lose.
“You see, I’ve seen something in her recently, the ideas spinning in her head and the budding bravery. I’ve been waiting for this day for her entire life, and I can’t be the thing which throws her off course just before she gets started. I need to be there for her, help her through this, and I hope that wherever I go, I’ll get to watch as she thrives.” He smiles affectionately and wipes his eyes.
Here I am, a total stranger glancing into this life, thisbeautifulfucking life, and I know with absolute certainty that I would gladly offer to trade places with this incredible man, so his daughter, whoever she is, gets to keep him.
Since life doesn’t always work how we’d want it to, the only option is to help him, help her. To keep their love alive. The kind of love that not even death can overcome.
“I’ll help you. Whatever it is, you can count on me. I will help you.”
He smiles. “Thank you, Theo.”
And with that admission, I take a bite of my waffles.
Present – Ara
A KNOCK ONthe door rouses me from bed. Dave doesn’t usually come this early, and I’m not expecting any deliveries. It’s hard to believe it’s now June and it’s been almost six months since I lost Dad.
Zombie-walking my way to the front door, I leave my hair down to do its wild worst. Not only can I not be bothered to wrangle it into a bun right now, but it also covers the fact that I’m not wearing a bra, not that there is much to conceal.
I rub my hands down my face, urging it into a humanoid expression, glancing longingly at my coffee machine as I pass by. The right move would be to look through the peephole and make sure it’s not an assassin, but I throw the door open to reveal who has come to bother the troll under the bridge.
Theo stands well dressed, hair styled, holding a bag of wonderfully smelling breakfast in one hand, and coffees in the other. My insides are instantly at war over whether to feel embarrassed or ecstatic. His eyes drift over my sleepy state and smiles. Ecstatic wins.
Moving aside to let him in, Theo’s arms brushes my chest as he passes and heads to the kitchen to grab cutlery.
“I’ll be back in two seconds.” My bladder is about to burst, and fuck if I’m letting my morning breath anywhere near him. I mean, gross.
After that night on the roof, I’d somehow dreamed up that the next time he saw me, my clothes would be incinerated in seconds with just his eyes. Except nothing happened. Well, notnothing,but nothing which involved getting naked.
The thought of it has me splashing cold water on my face, yet again, as if I’m a thirteen-year-old boy who just found a magazine at the height of puberty. It’s embarrassing.
The last month we’ve both been busier than ever. Managing the store has become everything to me. With each passing weekend workshop, I’ve been building my self-confidence back, as I see how valuable my work has become. I’ve proved to myself that I’m worth something and have learned how to start believing in myself again along the way.
My workshops have had increasingly higher attendance, having filled every chair, bench, and nearby standing space. They have become something our customers and community members look forward to.
Meanwhile, Theo has been spending all his time hunched over his computer, creating magic in the form of written words long after dark and before morning light. During the few hours of the day in between, he’s with his publisher in various meetings.
Having been signed on for an entire series now, the contracts have taken a lot of back and forth due to Theo’s efforts to protect his artistic freedom. He’s become inspired lately, and when it hits him, there is nothing he can do but ride it out and write it out.
Despite our busy lives, Theo has never let me feel forgotten. Every day I wake up to a good morning text and fall asleep to his wishes for my sweet dreams. He sends me cute selfies of him just waking up or brushing his teeth, sending me back to the top of that roller coaster.
