With an impatient sigh, Clay waved a hand. “Didn’t I just say that? I tried to text her after Thanksgiving, and she didn’t answer me.”
“Have you considered that she might not be interested in you? I’m throwing that out there as a possibility.”
Shaking his head in disgust, Clay said, “Kate is much better at this than you.”
“She’s simply too afraid to tell you the truth.”
“No. No, that’s where you’re wrong. I apparently don’t instill fear in anyone. People don’t take me seriously according to Kate. Do you agree?”
Dax ran his hand through his hair. “You don’t want to hear what I think.”
Considering that Dax was known for speaking the truth even when it was uncomfortable to do so, his hesitation gave Clay a moment of pause. They’d been friends a very long time. Dax’s opinion was one of the few that actually did matter to Clay. “Yes, I do.”
“I think you’re looking for the next game to entertain yourself with. You’ve been hanging around the Barringtons like they were a new and shiny toy you wanted to play with, but now that you know them you’re bored. Lexi shot you down publicly. She’s a challenge. I get it. But this isn’t a game to me, Clay. This is my fucking family. You hurt her, you hurt Kenzi. I’m not going to let that happen. You sent her a text. She didn’t answer. That’s it. Drop it.”
Clay laid the pen down on the table. “Why the fuck are we friends, Dax? That’s assuming we are. Your opinion of me couldn’t be shittier.”
Dax stood and ran his hand through his hair again. He paced back and forth as he spoke. “I won’t sugarcoat the truth. What do you want me to say? If we weren’t friends, you wouldn’t be around Kenzi or her family at all. I’ve let you into a part of my life that is very important to me. That doesn’t mean I won’t step in if you look like you’re about to fuck it up.”
“What makes you so sure I don’t care about Lexi?”
“Because you don’t care about anything.”
And there it was—a reiteration of what Kate had said, but this time coming out of the mouth of his closest friend.
Clay rose to his feet. “I’ve been there every time you’ve needed me. I doubt you could list the number of deals I’ve helped you facilitate.”
“When it was convenient for you. When the projects were interesting enough or you had nothing better to do. Listen, I’m not saying I don’t appreciate what you’ve done for me over the years, but if this is about being honest with each other . . . you’d definitely stand by me in a fight as long as it happens after you’ve had your beauty sleep.”
“Fuck you.” Clay slammed his hand down on Dax’s desk.
“You asked for the truth.”
Shaking his head, Clay strode toward Dax. “Is there anything else you’d like to share while I’m here? You know, just in case this is the last time you see me.”
Dax looked him in the eye. “Pick something to care about. A cause. A charity. Hell, help Zuckerberg cure diseases like he claims he and others will by the end of the century. You’ll be a lot happier. I’m not telling you anything I didn’t tell myself a short time ago. I was a miserable bastard and didn’t realize it. Caring about anything sucks. It has the power to rip you up and leave you in shreds. But you know what’s worse? Caring about nothing. It leaves you numb. You don’t even know how much of life you’re missing because you’re used to feeling nothing. You want me to believe you care about Lexi? Prove it. Leave her alone. Respect that she made her choice.”
Shit. He’d felt a whole lot better after talking to Kate, but Dax was right. If things didn’t work out with Lexi, it would affect more than the two of them. “Zuckerburg approached me for a donation. It sounded like an unrealistic project.”
Dax shrugged. “A hundred years ago no one would have believed medicine would be as far along as it is now. I’m not saying it’s the project for you, but if you don’t change something, I know I’ll hear about you in the news someday, a victim of an overdose. You’re too old to party the way you do, too smart to do nothing of importance with the fortune you’ve been left, and too big of a pain in the ass for me not to miss if you let a little honesty end our friendship.”
Clay let his friend’s words sink in before answering. He sat back down at Dax’s desk. “I can’t see myself in an office every day.”
“Then pick something that doesn’t require that.”
“I don’t do drugs . . . anymore, but I could cut back on the drinking. It’s not as much fun as it used to be.”
Dax nodded. “That’s what happens as you get older.”
“Depressing, isn’t it?”
“Not at all. What replaces it is fucking incredible.”
“Having a family who gathers for game night?”
“Having a real partner and building a life together. I’m not trying to sell that to you, either, but I don’t miss a single thing about my life before Kenzi.”
Clay drummed his fingers on the desk as he processed the entirety of their conversation. “You’re wrong about something.”
Dax raised an eyebrow in question.
“I actually like the Barringtons, and I do care about Lexi. You’re right, though. Lexi made her choice clear, and I need to respect that.”
Dax let out a long sigh. “Good.”
Leaning back in his chair, Clay propped his feet on Dax’s desk. “I’ll forgive you for the beauty sleep comment. How could you help but be jealous when I’m obviously better looking than you?”
“Obviously,” Dax said dryly, folding his arms across his chest again.
“We do have a problem, though.”
“We do?”
“Poor Kate is probably scraping together money to pay for her wedding. You need to give her a raise.”
“Why is it that every time you come here it costs me money?”
“We could share her. I could go back to using that office as my business base.”
“I’d rather pay her more.”
Clay laughed and Dax joined in. Just like that things were good between them again.
One evening a week later, Lexi sat on the couch in the living room with her laptop still unopened beside her. She’d spent the week avoiding the man she’d almost slept with on Thanksgiving night. One more shot of tequila and it might have happened.
I’m done drinking.
The final cherry on the sundae of shit had been the next day when she’d received a text from Clay. He’d asked if she wanted to see him. She hadn’t wanted to see anyone.
She still didn’t.
She laid her head back on the couch and embraced the fact that she hadn’t showered in two days. It’s not like I have anywhere to go anyway. The last gig had been a catalog shoot for a department store. It had paid as much as she normally made in a month. Which means I earned this opportunity to wallow.
Her phone beeped with a message from her sister. While scrolling to it she saw how many messages her drunken mistake had sent. They were woven between unanswered messages from Kenzi.
Another person who will be better off with less of me as a part of her life.
She hadn’t felt that way the year before. Kenzi and Willa had been as lost as she was. They’d been the Three Musketeers of not knowing what they’d do with the rest of their lives. Not anymore.
They both deserve the happiness they’ve found.
What do I deserve? Am I living it?
There were many great things about having an identical twin, but the negative was it made it too easy to directly compare one’s life to another. Willa always knew what she wanted. Now she has it.
Do I even know what I want?
She threw an arm over her eyes and groaned. Yes, I want to fast forward through the holidays so I don’t have to sit there and pretend I’m happy for everyone else when I feel like this on the inside.
There was a light knock on her door followed by a louder one. It was probably Mrs. Silvester asking if she could borrow detergent. She’d been by ea
rlier for fabric softener. It was hard to say if the woman actually needed all the items she asked to borrow or if she was simply lonely and used the visits as a chance to talk. In her seventies, the woman lived alone with her cats. A fate probably waiting for me. Lexi trudged to the door and opened it. “Let me guess, you’re out of detergent?”
“Lexi, dear, I hope you don’t mind me dropping in without calling.”
Sophie. Shit.
Lexi ran her hand over her tangle of hair. “Sophie, what a surprise.”
“May I come in?”
Lexi coughed into her hand and opened her mouth to say she was sick, but her eyes met Sophie’s and the lie died on her lips. “Sure. Don’t look around. The maid moved out when she married your son.”
Sophie looked around and her nose wrinkled a little, but she made her way into the living room. She lifted an old pizza box off the couch and placed it on the table before taking a seat. “Kenzi mentioned she hadn’t heard from you since Thanksgiving.”
Smoothing her shirt over her hips, Lexi sat on the other side of the couch near her laptop. “I’ve been busy.”
“Willa hasn’t heard from you either.”
Lexi wiped at the area below her eyes, hoping the makeup she hadn’t removed wasn’t making her look like a raccoon. “I meant to call her. Time just got away from me.”
“Lexi, dear, I raised too many children to not recognize a lie when I hear one. Did we embarrass you at Thanksgiving? It’s really no one’s business if you and Clay want to be friends, or more.”
Tears sprang to Lexi’s eyes. “Oh, Sophie, it’s not you. You and your family have never been the problem. It was always me.”
After a long pause, Sophie said, “Did I ever tell you I had a sister?”
“Kenzi has mentioned her.”
“She died a couple of years ago. I wasn’t there when she did. We hadn’t spoken for years. I know all about how time can slip through your fingers. But, you and Willa are not me and my sister. You have something beautiful. Whatever happened, don’t close her out. She loves you.”
