Page 33 of Trade It All (The Barrington Billionaires 3)
He played the message back. It was a courtesy call from his dentist office reminding him it was time to schedule a cleaning. He pretended to call the person back and nodded as if listening to someone speaking. “Of course. I can be back in Boston in an hour. No, you were right to call me.” He hung up and lied to Willa for the first time. He wasn’t proud of himself for doing it, but he’d been in this place with her before and messed it up. He’d told himself he wouldn’t hurt her this time, but he knew he would if he was honest with her. He wasn’t ready for more yet. “Emergency at the office. We should head back now.”
She gathered her things and stood. “I hope it’s nothing serious.”
“Nothing I can’t handle.” I hope.
“So we’re leaving now?”
“Looks that way. Sorry to end our trip so abruptly.”
“Don’t even think about it. Things like this happen. Is there anything I can do to help?” She was so sincere, he felt awful.
They walked together to the house. “No, this is my problem.”
I brought us here—again
Because ten years later, I’m still a dick.
Chapter Sixteen
Willa carried her overnight bag up the steps of her apartment building as Lance drove off. The most passionate night of her life had just ended on an oddly formal note she couldn’t understand. Lance had opened her door, retrieved her bag from his trunk, and given her a quick peck on the cheek before speeding away.
A quick peck.
He was either distracted by a serious situation at his office, or . . . she hated thinking about what else it could be. There were too many depressing options. He might be running off to another woman. He didn’t have the reputation of being a love-’em-and-leave-’em guy, but the way he’d dropped her off definitely felt like a drop and ditch.
I’m being paranoid. He’ll handle whatever is going on at his office then call me. We’ll laugh about this.
At her apartment door, Willa dug through her purse for her keys. Dressed in jeans, a T-shirt, and an apron, Lexi opened the door while Willa was still searching. Lexi’s bright smile reminded Willa of how she’d felt before the awkward hour-long car ride home, during which Lance had kept the conversation as superficial as if they were strangers chatting while waiting on a train.
“I ordered sushi, but you’re earlier than I thought you’d be.”
Willa placed her bag just inside the door and her keys in the bowl on the table. “So, why the apron?”
Leading the way into the living room, Lexi tossed her long hair over one shoulder. “It’s psychological. When you see me in this, doesn’t it make you feel like I cooked?”
The haughty tone Lexi used sent a gurgle of laughter through Willa. “It makes me question your sanity.”
“I bet I could do a cooking show. I look good in an apron.” Lexi struck a pose and Willa’s mood lightened. If anyone else had said it, they might have come across as full of themselves, but Lexi didn’t. She wasn’t bragging, she was embracing a possibility and approaching it with the overabundance of confidence she’d been born with. Her wink was her way of reminding Willa to not take what she was saying or herself too seriously. Really, it was difficult to do anything but smile when Lexi turned on the charm.
“You do, Lexi. A cooking show, really? That’s new. Does that mean you’re no longer working at Poly-Shyn?” Willa quickly washed her hands in the kitchen sink, dried them, and headed over to the table.
Lexi poured them both a glass of wine and sat down. “I’m still there, but you know me, I like to have a backup plan.”
Willa sat down and kicked off her shoes beneath the table. She wasn’t a big drinker, but she needed one that night. “I hope I still have a job in Dax’s office.” She took a long sip.
“Wait, you’re working for Dax now? What happened to taking the job with Clay?”
Willa downed the rest of her glass and reached for the bottle to refill it. “It’s a long story.”
The doorbell rang. Lexi paid the delivery man and began unpacking the food onto the table. “Put something in your stomach if you’re going to drink so fast. Then you can tell me everything.”
Willa nodded and bit into a California roll. She chewed and swallowed before speaking. “I don’t know what I’m doing lately, Lexi. I used to have a clear plan; now I feel like I’m flying by the seat of my pants toward I don’t know what. It’s scary.”
“I’ve been there. That’s not a fun feeling, but you don’t ever need to be scared, Willa. If you stumble, I’ll always be here to help you back onto your feet.”
For the first time in a long time Willa felt that she and Lexi were on the same side. Her eyes misted over. This was what she’d missed. She needed to make sure they made amends so they wouldn’t lose each other again. “I am so sorry about everything I said—”
“It’s no big deal, Willa.”
“Yes, it is. You were right to call me out on it. My way isn’t the better way. Hell, I don’t even know what my way is anymore. You’re fearless, while I’ve always been afraid.”
“Fearless? Me? I’m a wreck on the inside. I just don’t let it stop me.”
Willa took another gulp of her wine. “Every time I try to be that way I get hurt. Every time. I’m not you.”
Lexi reached out and covered Willa’s hand with hers. “No, you’re not, you’re a better person than I am. You’re the most honest, loving person I’ve ever met. You genuinely want the best for everyone you meet. I don’t know a single person you don’t like. You see good in everyone. I wish I were like that. I wish I could love the way you do.”
Willa turned her hand so she was gripping her sister’s. “And I wish I had your grit. Your quick wit. When you walk into a room, heads turn because you carry yourself with a confidence impossible not to envy. You can do anything you set your mind to and make it look easy. If something knocks you down, you get up and kick the shit out of it. I wish I had your fight.”
“Maybe we both have it wrong—and right. I’ve spent half of my life trying to change you and the other half wishing I was more like you.”
Willa gasped at how perfectly Lexi’s words described how she’d felt. “Yes.” She wiped a tear from her cheek. “I don’t want you to change, Lexi. I need my strong sister.”
Lexi’s eyes teared up as well. “And I need you.” She sniffed loudly and used her napkin to dab at her tears before they ruined her makeup. “We also need to ease up on the wine, or I’m going to be bawling into my sushi, and I do not look good with puffy eyes.”
Willa chuckled and released her hand. “We have that in common.”
Between bites, Lexi said, “So, tell me how you went from working for Clay to working for Dax. Or skip to the good part, and tell me all about how you ended up hooking up with Lance. Spill.”
Closing her hand around her napkin, Willa inwardly confronted a philosophy she’d had for so long it had become part of her identity. She thought if she could push things out of her thoughts, if she could deny them long enough, they would lose the power to hurt her. If that were true she wouldn’t be looking across the table at a sister she’d fought to hold on to but somehow ended up alienating anyway.
It was time to borrow some of Lexi’s courage. “Lexi, I know you think that pretending to be me with Lance was why we fought that first semester at university.”
“It was a stupid thing to do, Willa. I knew you liked him, and I wanted to make sure he was serious about you. I didn’t want you to connect with him if he wasn’t.”
Willa took a deep breath and plowed forward. “I had already slept with him by the time you did that.”
Lexi grimaced. “I sort of figured that out on my date with him. I didn’t expect the kiss, but wham there it was and I knew. That’s all that
ever happened between us, Willa—just that one kiss.”
“I believe you.” And she did. Lexi had never lied to Willa. If she screwed up, she was the first to say she did and own up to it. It was in the remorse department that she’d sometimes struggled.
Lexi chewed a corner of her acrylic nail. “I tried to tell you that back then, but you wouldn’t hear it. I was afraid you’d never forgive me. Then we started school, and instead of getting over it, you got angrier. I didn’t know what to do.”
“I was pregnant.”
“No . . .”
“Yes.”
“I would have known.”
“I wasn’t that far along. I used a home test when I missed my period. I went to the school clinic to confirm it.”
Suddenly pale, Lexi looked at a loss for what to say. She opened and closed her mouth a few times but no words came out.
Deciding to go on and get it all out, Willa continued, “I was scared. I didn’t know what was going to happen or how it would change my life. Or if I was ready for anything to change. I wanted to tell Lance, but he was angry about the switch. He’d thought I’d asked you to stand in for me. I also couldn’t talk to Kenzi.”
“And me?”
Willa shrugged a shoulder sadly. “I blamed you. I see now how unfair that was. I wasn’t thinking straight. I looked into getting an abortion, but I couldn’t do it. I decided to keep the baby even if it meant dropping out of school. It wasn’t just any baby, it was Lance’s. I was ready to trade it all to have a piece of him in my life.”
“That’s why you said no to all the parties I invited you to. I thought you didn’t want to be with me. But I don’t understand. What happened to the baby?”
Blinking back tears, Willa said, “I lost it. You were out with friends when I miscarried.”
Lexi blanched. “You could have called me. I would have been there for you.” As the news Willa had told her sunk in, Lexi’s face crumpled, and she brought a shaky hand up to her mouth. All bravado fell away and there was only raw remorse in her eyes. “I would have been there for you if I’d known, Willa.”
