Page 28 of Trade It All (The Barrington Billionaires 3)
“She does,” Kenzi said with a laugh. “She gets photo happy sometimes. Which was why I had to take the opportunity when it was presented.” She held her side. “Oh, God, I haven’t laughed that hard in a while. What brought up that story?”
Willa shrugged. “Sophie asked me if I liked where I was living. I told her that it is a lot better than some of the places we’ve rented. It’s double the size of our last place. I don’t know why I remembered the day with the trunk, but I did. She thought it was hilarious.”
Kenzi chuckled again. “She adores you. I saw Grant laughing. Tell me he didn’t—”
“Offer to look over my stock portfolio and give suggestions? He can’t help himself.” Willa met Lance’s eyes again, and her smile widened. “Grant never understood that Lexi and I are Kenzi’s poor friends. I’d show him my bank account balance, but I’m afraid he’d have a heart attack.”
Lance frowned. He didn’t like the idea of Willa struggling financially. He almost asked her if Dax was paying her a good salary but decided against it. He considered offering her money, but thought that might not go over well, either.
Slow. Remember. Take it slow.
As she spoke, she leaned against him and the side of her breast brushed against his arm and the devil in him won. His blood started pounding, and he found it difficult to concentrate on anything other than how good she felt—how good she would taste.
I’m definitely going to hell.
Unless I’m already there.
Chapter Thirteen
An hour later, Willa turned in the passenger seat of Lance’s car and rested her head in a way that allowed her to watch him as he drove. The night had gone better than she’d hoped it could. Yes, it had started off feeling stilted, but after the meal everyone had relaxed. Her worry that Dax would say something abated, and she’d actually had fun. Lance had smiled and laughed with her.
So why do I get the feeling he’s not happy with me?
When Lance had picked her up that morning he’d mentioned that he rented a house on Cape Cod for the weekend. He said it was right on the beach, which was why he’d chosen the place. That and the indoor pool. He’d followed up that statement by asking her if she’d ever gone swimming naked. Her answer that she hadn’t had put a lusty smile on his face and a blush on hers.
Willa was working on not overthinking things, not worrying about every last thing that could go wrong. When she’d told Dax she was taking Monday off, she hadn’t told him it was because she would be away with Lance. There was a chance she would lose the best-paying job she’d ever had for—a taste of heaven? Normally the idea of risking any employment would have made her sick to her stomach, but this was different. This was Lance. A decade of thinking about him, secretly dreaming that something like this would one day happen.
She would have felt better about her decision if Lance was holding her hand. He wasn’t flirting with her. In fact, he was barely talking at all.
“Hey,” she said softly.
He smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “Is for horses.”
“That’s so corny.” His smile faded and she kicked herself internally for critiquing instead of saying something that would have had him laughing again. “I had a good night.”
He glanced at her then back at the road. “It was different than I expected.”
The way he said it was like a lead stone settling onto her chest. “In what way?”
She wished she hadn’t been watching him so closely because then she might not have seen the flash of disappointment in his eyes. “I’m dropping you back at your place, Willa.”
“Why?” she asked in a calm voice even though what she really wanted to do was grab the wheel, pull the car to the side of the road and demand he look at her.
“We said we’d take it slowly then planned a few days of the exact opposite.”
Feeling cold, Willa wrapped her arms around herself. “I don’t remember complaining.”
He opened his mouth then snapped it shut as if deciding to hold back a comment. Willa’s stomach churned as she grew nervous. The longer he was quiet, the sicker she felt. His jaw tightened visibly, and he kept his eyes on the road ahead. “Did you say something to Dax about us?”
Oh, shit. “Yes.” What are the chances that answer will suffice? A girl can hope.
“I thought we had fun this weekend.”
“We did.”
“Then explain to me what I’m doing that is so wrong that you complained to my sister’s fiancé about it?”
Fighting back tears, Willa said, “You’re not doing anything wrong.”
Lance’s knuckles turned white on the steering wheel. “I want to understand you, Willa. I really want to, but I’m lost.”
“Dax misunderstood something I said. I was upset, and he assumed he knew why. I tried to tell him he was wrong. I thought I was clear, but maybe I wasn’t. He shouldn’t have said anything to you. In fact, he promised he wouldn’t.” Willa turned to face forward as she realized she shouldn’t have said the last part. It made it sound like she was keeping something from Lance. She was, but she didn’t want him to know that.
“He was worried about you. What I want to know is why.”
“It was before I talked to you on Thursday night.”
“And?”
“And Clay was asking me about you.”
“You talked to Clay about us?”
“No. Yes.” Willa covered her face with one hand. I can’t do this. I’m not ready to do this. “You’re right. You should just drop me off at home.”
Lance pulled onto a side street and parked. In a much softer tone, he took one of her hands in his. “Help me understand.”
Is this where I tell him about the pregnancy? About how I debated telling him for weeks. Do I lead with the miscarriage or how I hated myself because even though I had decided to keep the baby a part of me was relieved when I lost it?
Do I tell him that for a long time I blamed him for every mistake I made, every wrong man I slept with?
How because of him I almost turned my back on my sister?
That even now, even when I know none of that was his fault, a part of me is still angry with him—with myself. And so afraid I’ll lose myself again? “I can’t do this, Lance. Please, just drive me home.”
His face contorted with pain. “And if I do, what then? We go back to pretending we feel nothing for each other? Is that what you want?”
“I don’t know.” She stared out the window of the car only because looking at Lance hurt too much. She gathered her thoughts the best she could. Every moment with Lance felt right. They fit together in a way she’d never imagined they could. Not even back when she’d fantasized about being with him. Whether it was walking hand in hand through an art fair, or laughing over drinks with his friends, she wanted more of him in her life. With him, she didn’t compare herself to Lexi. With him, she felt beautiful and life felt full of possibility. I like who I am when I’m with him. She turned back to meet his eyes. “I do know. I don’t want to go back to how things were.”
Lance expelled a breath, but he didn’t make a move to touch her. “Structures are only as strong as their foundation. If we can’t be honest with each other, what can we build on that?”
Willa let his words sink in and clasped her hands on her lap. I have to tell him. It’s time.
Oh, God, don’t let me lose him over this.
Please, give me the words that will help him understand. “I fell apart after we slept together. Lexi and I had a huge argument, unlike any we’ve ever had.” Willa’s eyes filled with tears. “She’s the only family I have, really, and I thought I’d lost her. I was devastated. I was so sad, so angry . . . I made mistakes. I did so many things I wish I could go back and undo.” Willa hesitated. He’d asked for honesty, but wasn’t that what everyone said just before they were told something that changed everything? Here goes . . . “I hated you. I blamed you because I couldn’t stay angry with Lexi and not lose her, so I hat
ed you instead.” One tear spilled down her cheek then another. “I hated myself just as much, though. When I look back at that time, I start to unravel. Talking to you Thursday morning had me thinking about the past, and then I was falling apart on the inside again. That’s what happened in front of Clay and Dax. I let the memories get to me.” Her shoulders started to shake as she prepared to tell him the part she dreaded the most. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
Lance released his seatbelt, undid hers and pulled her into his arms. “It’s okay, Willa. You don’t have to do this.”
Tucked against his strong chest, hearing his murmured words of comfort, Willa finally let her pain out. She cried for the young woman who had given him her heart and had it broken. She cried because this was exactly who she didn’t want to be with Lance. She knew his family history and how one woman’s sorrow had shaped his home life. She wanted to be happy for him. She didn’t want to lay more guilt at his door. That wasn’t the foundation she wanted their relationship built on. She hated that she couldn’t contain her sorrow. It poured out of her until she was shaken and drained.
