Page 35 of Trade It All (The Barrington Billionaires 3)
“I don’t want your death on my conscience.”
“My death? I don’t understand. What happened here?”
“It’s bigger than I thought and not worth the risk. Go home.” With that, the woman hung up and didn’t answer when Lance tried to call her back.
For a few more days, Lance tried to locate the other people on the list. He hired a local private investigator, who tracked down one of the men. He had lived with his sister at the address from the list, but they’d moved away years ago. Twenty-eight years ago.
No one knew where they’d gone or had heard from them since.
They’d simply disappeared.
All during the time his parents were in Aruba. Every answer he found led to more questions.
After another frustrating day without answers, Lance paid the investigator to keep digging and flew back to Boston. He knew he had to tell his brothers what he’d discovered but decided not to until he knew something for sure. Anything.
Even though he’d arrived home late, Lance drove over to Willa’s place and called her. She didn’t pick up.
His phone beeped with an incoming message. I don’t want to see you.
He texted back, I understand why you’re not happy with me. I’m an ass. But I’m an ass who is parked out in front of your building, hoping he can make it up to you.
I don’t want you to. Sorry you drove over here for nothing.
And there it is. We’ve come full circle again. I’m sorry. More groveling. I shouldn’t have lied to you.
I can’t do this, Lance. Being with you can be so good, but then it hurts so bad. Please, just stay away from me for a while.
Lance rested his head on his steering wheel. He felt sick to his stomach and more miserable than he could ever remember feeling. He wanted to rewind to the first time they were together and handle her declaration of love better. He wanted to go back to the previous weekend and not have lost his shit when she’d been about to say it again.
Is this how love feels?
Or am I dying?
On impulse, he did something completely against his family’s code. “Dad, do you mind if I drop by? I need to talk to you about something, and it’s important.”
“Absolutely.” The urgency in his father’s voice was attributable to the novelty of the request. Barringtons didn’t ask each other for advice. No matter how dirty and bloody they got in the trenches of life outside the family, they knew not to bring problems home.
“It’ll take me about forty-five minutes to get there.” Considering the late hour, he knew he probably should have gone to see him the next day, but he couldn’t wait.
“I’ll be here,” his father said.
After hanging up, he closed his eyes and took a deep breath. His parents might not have the perfect marriage, but they’d stayed together through rough times. There was no question that his father loved his mother and vice versa. Maybe his father could make sense of his son’s tangled insides.
When Lance pulled into his parents’ driveway he was surprised to see several cars there. Asher’s, Grant’s, Ian’s and, if Lance wasn’t mistaken, Dax’s.
Shit.
The door flew open. With slightly mussed hair as if she’d gone to bed then gotten dressed again after his call, his mother stood in the doorway and beckoned him in. “I heard your father telling Asher to come over quickly, and I was worried. What’s wrong, Lance?”
A lifetime of training had Lance automatically answering, “Nothing, Mom.”
Sophie closed the door behind her. It was opened a second later by a concerned looking Dale. Sophie waved him away and said, “Give us a moment alone, please.”
Dale reluctantly closed the door again.
Sophie moved to sit on the top step and said, “Sit with me, Lance.”
Lance took a seat beside her. This was uncharted territory for him. “I didn’t mean to wake everyone up. I should have waited until tomorrow.”
Placing her hand on Lance’s arm, his mother said, “You’re exactly where you belong. Especially if something is troubling you.”
“It’s nothing important.”
Sophie sighed and her hand dropped. “I used to think I was a good mother—”
“You are—”
“Let me say this. My mother died in childbirth having me. I never knew her. I don’t know if my father ever forgave my sister or me for that. People say he wasn’t the same after she died. I don’t know because all I knew was the man who looked through me instead of at me. No matter what my sister or I did, it was never good enough. He might have wanted to love us, but we knew he didn’t. I moved away from my family because I wanted my own children to be raised differently. I wanted you to always know exactly how much you were loved.” She blinked back tears. “After we lost Kent, I fell into a depression. It was rough on all of you. Especially your father. He wanted to fix everything that was wrong, but sometimes you can’t. So he tried to give me the perfect family he thought I needed. Kenzi opened your father’s and my eyes to what we’ve done well and where we’ve failed you.”
“Mom, I don’t know what Kenzi said, but you didn’t fail anyone.”
Sophie squeezed Lance’s forearm with one hand. “I’m not perfect, Lance—far from it. Your father isn’t either, and that’s okay. Love isn’t about never being wrong. It’s taking the best and the worst of who we are and knowing that we’re better together than we could ever be apart. I’m not as fragile as everyone thinks I am. You can get angry with me. You can disappoint me. I’ll still love you. Whatever problem you’re wrestling with, Lance, you can bring it to my door—night or day, and I will always want to hear it. Because you’re my son. And that bond is stronger than anything life can throw at us.”
Hearing his mother’s description of love was freeing. Lance had grown up thinking of love as something so delicate it might shatter from the slightest application of pressure just like his mother. Yet, there she was, facing her mistakes and the reality that her children weren’t as happy as they pretended to be, and she wasn’t falling to pieces.
Maybe love was a little more resilient than he gave it credit for.
He sat quietly beside his mother for several long moments. Then he said, “I think I love Willa.”
With a gentle smile, Sophie asked, “You think? Not sure?”
Lance raised and dropped a shoulder. “She’s perfect for me. I am happier when I’m with her than I’ve ever been without her. And I’m more miserable when we’re apart than I can put into words. We’ve only really started dating, and I’ve already said stupid things and hurt her again. Probably the best thing for her would be if I stayed away from her, but I can’t seem to.”
“Love by definition is scary as hell. Do you know why?”
Lance shook his head.
“It’s an all or nothing decision. You have to believe in it to fully feel it. It not only requires that you give yourself over to it, but if you don’t trust it, it withers like a plant without water. You can’t think you love someone, Lance. You have to know it. Imagine your life without Willa in it. If you can do that, and see yourself happy without her . . . walk away. But if the idea of being without her tears you up inside—if you would gladly trade everything you have for one more day with her—then she’s the one for you.”
Lance thought about his friend Neil and how much he regretted losing Linda.
I’d be a hundred times worse.
I don’t want to go a day without Willa.
Lance leaned over and kissed his mother on the cheek. “I love her, Mom. I love Willa Chambers.”
Sophie smiled. “I know you do.”
“I need to tell her.”
His mother glanced down at her watch. “Maybe not at this time of night. Everyone is here. Why not come in and at least say hello? Your father dragged them all here for an emergency family meeting. Poor Dax, I don’t know what he was expecting, but he came. Kenzi, too. Emily is home resting.”
Lance stood and helped his mother up. “They’re going to kill me.”
Sophie linked her arm through his. “Not on my watch.”
Lance chuckled. He’d never imagined his mother as plucky as she sounded. “I like this side of you, Mom.”
“I do, too. Come on. Let’s go inside, and we can plan out how you should propose to my next daughter.”
