Page 12 of Trade It All (The Barrington Billionaires 3)
“I want to be with you,” he said, his voice husky and deep. “Too much.” He let out a long, shaky breath and looked around. “I forgot that we’re not alone. You’re dangerous.”
Dangerous? Willa had never been described that way. She was the careful one, the quiet one, the one people overlooked. She didn’t care who was watching or what they were thinking. She wanted to be the woman she saw in Lance’s eyes. “I want to be with you, too.”
Lance shuddered. Willa thought he’d pull her back into his arms, but instead he took her hand again. “We need to walk.”
Willa fell into step beside him. She tried to figure out what was holding him back. “I may be young, but I’ve been on my own for years. I’m not a child.”
He’d stopped and pinned her down with those incredible dark eyes of his. “Are you a virgin?”
“Yes,” she admitted, unable to lie to him.
“Fuck,” he said and started walking again.
Offended, Willa said, “It’s not a disease, you know.”
He frowned as they walked hand in hand down the beach in the direction of his family’s house. “You’re Kenzi’s best friend. I can’t do this.”
She’d pulled him to a stop. Not many of her friends had graduated with their virginity intact. Losing it had been a badge of honor to some. To others it had been an impulsive poor choice. Willa had always maintained that sex should wait until a woman was with someone she loved.
“Because I’m a virgin? Okay, I’ll go to college, sleep with someone else, and we’ll try this again next summer.”
His grip on her hand became painful. “Don’t.”
“Don’t sleep with someone else?” she’d asked, hoping her prod was working.
He took both of her shoulders in his hands and looked her directly in the eye. “Don’t push me to do something we’ll both regret. I’m trying to make the right choice here.”
Rejection was a kick in the ass. Willa mustered her strength and held his gaze. “And what is the right choice?”
He cupped a side of her face. “I don’t know. I can’t think when I’m with you.”
“I know exactly what you mean,” she agreed. When he looked at her like that, there was nothing beyond him and how he made her feel.
Willa’s phone rang, bringing her fully back to the present. She let the call ring through as she slowly extricated herself from the heady memories. Even after all the time that had passed, those memories had the power to make her heart pound and her body warm.
Still in just her cotton panties and bra, Willa sat down on Lexi’s bed beside the mound of clothing she’d tried on. She silently repeated a mantra she’d used many times over the last decade. Forget. It only hurts when I let myself remember.
Her phone rang again. Willa looked down at it and smiled sadly. Kenzi always knew when she needed her. It was a joke between Willa and Lexi that Kenzi had somehow tapped into their twin connection. “Good morning.”
“It is a good morning. You not only have a job, but you’re also going to see Lance.”
“I’m interested to see what’s in that journal.” She held back her true feelings. Willa was close enough to Kenzi to consider her like a sister, but Lance was a subject they’d always avoided. Kenzi had grown up in a family where people didn’t push for the truth. It had taken a long time before she’d felt comfortable enough with Willa and Lexi to even express when she was upset.
Kenzi was changing, though. The more she spent with her fiancé, Dax, the blunter she became. Willa was still trying to decide how she felt about it.
“That’s what you’re excited about today?” Kenzi asked with a hint of humor in her voice.
Willa paced her bedroom restlessly. “And starting my new job.”
“There isn’t anything else you want to talk about?”
“Like what?”
“Like Lance.”
Willa froze. “What about him?”
Kenzi sighed audibly. “Willa, it’s me. Do you really think I don’t know that you like my brother?”
“Of course I like him. I like your whole family.”
Kenzi was quiet for a moment, then she said, “Did you see Lance’s face when he thought you were going to meet Clay at his hotel? He wanted to forbid you to go.”
Willa walked to her closet and absently began to sift through potential outfits. “Your brothers have always been overprotective.” It was true to a point. Kenzi’s brothers had always hovered over their sister, but they’d always carefully kept their distance from her friends.
“Do you have health insurance?”
Willa held up a modest, tan pantsuit and considered it. “Yes. I’ve kept coverage while job hunting. Why?”
“Because I’m about to slap you into next Tuesday.”
Willa’s jaw dropped open, and she replaced the suit. She was momentarily speechless in the face of Kenzi’s comment. In all the years they’d been friends, Kenzi had never spoken to her that way.
Kenzi continued, “I’m sorry, Willa, but I’m done keeping my thoughts to myself in fear that people won’t like what I have to say. I won’t live like that again. I don’t care if you like my brother or not, but I do care that you won’t be honest with me about it. Tell everyone else that today isn’t important to you, but don’t lie to me.”
Willa covered her face with one hand for a moment, then lowered it and said quietly, “I’ve been trying to decide what to wear for the last hour.”
“Have you looked in Lexi’s closet?”
Willa winced as her ego took another hit. For a long time, Willa had turned her back on everything Lexi represented. Somehow she’d lost a piece of herself when she did that. It was one thing to be shy, it was another to feel trapped by your own fears. She didn’t want to go back to who she was, but she also didn’t know how to move forward. She remembered a time, before their parents had died, when she’d felt as loved and lovable as Lexi. Losing them had shaken her, and somewhere along the way she’d lost her confidence. On the outside I’m just as beautiful as Lexi. How do I find my way back to feeling that way?
I’m smart. At least smart enough to have gotten my degree. I’m hardworking. I’ve made my own money for as long as I can remember. On paper, I have my shit together.
I wish I saw that person when I look in the mirror. “I did. Nothing feels right.”
She waited for Kenzi to suggest she wear something from her designer wardrobe, but she didn’t. Instead she asked, “Have you tried mixing your styles?”
Willa thought about the skirt she’d tried on that she’d liked. She took one of her favorite blouses out of her closet and smiled for the first time that day. “You’re a genius, Kenzi.”
Kenzi chuckled. “No, I just know you. Both of you. I can’t wait to see what you choose. Will you send me a picture of it?”
Not hanging up, Willa shrugged on the blouse then sprinted to her sister’s room, found the skirt she’d liked, and pulled it on as well. She looked at the huge pile of clothing on Lexi’s bed, then at the time on the clock beside it, and grimaced. I’ll put it all away before she gets back, but right now I’m out of time. She dug through Lexi’s closet for a pair of shoes with a moderate heel. She snapped a photo of herself and sent it to Kenzi. “What do you think?”
“Perfect, but you have your hair done up like you’re a librarian.”
“That’s how I always wear it. It stays out of my way.” Or does it help me hide better? Is Lexi right about that?
“How about a looser knot?”
Willa walked back into her bathroom and placed the phone down so she could undo her hair. She pulled it back, but let it drop when she didn’t like how it looked. She swept it up again, this time leaving a few wisps free around her face and secured it. She took a quick selfie and sent it to Kenzi.
“You look awesome, Willa.”
“Really?” On impulse, Willa applied a darker lipstick color than she normally wore. She also applied a hint more eyeliner. She sent one final pictur
e. “What about this?”
“Oh, my God. Your eyes look fantastic. You should do them like that all the time.”
Willa smiled down at the phone. She thought, Good friends accept you as you are; best friends do, too, but they will also kick your ass when you need it. No matter how lost you get, they are right there, showing you the way back. “Kenzi, all I’m doing is picking up a journal from your brother’s office.”
“Promise me something?”
“Depends on what it is.”
“I don’t know what happened between you and Lance when we were younger, but none of us are who we were back then. Give yourself a chance to get to know who he is now.”
Willa agreed to because not doing so would have opened a conversation she wasn’t ready to have. Kenzi was right about one thing, though, Willa wasn’t who she’d been at eighteen.
I’m a hell of a lot wiser.
I know now that sex doesn’t mean the same thing to everyone. Sometimes it doesn’t mean anything at all.
Lust and love are two very different things.
And confusing them is a devastating mistake I won’t make again.
