Page 86 of Summer of Love (Costas Sisters 2)
She shook her head and laughed at herself and the fool she’d been. “I mean, after all, I’d had affairs, I’d had sex, and what else would it be with a guy like you, who was so different, so opposite of me and everything I believed in?” She glanced at him through lowered lashes. “Are you with me so far? Because if you don’t say something soon, I’m going to lose my nerve and bolt,” she warned him.
“I’m listening,” he said in a deep, compelling voice. “In fact, I’m hanging on every word.”
But he remained on his side of the desk, thick mahogany wood and deep emotional distance separating them. Distance only she could bridge and, drawing a deep breath, she somehow found the courage to go on.
“Then I got to know you.” Closing her eyes, she remembered their first awkward meeting, then immediately recalled how she’d found him shirtless, digging a place for Ima to root. She couldn’t forget how he’d shown up with pig-raising books for Sam and realized she’d probably fallen in love with him then. “And I saw there was so much more than someone from a completely different world than me.”
“And that scared you,” he said, finally contributing to the conversation and helping her out.
“Yeah. Along with the intense heat and chemistry we generated, you scared me.”
“Why?”
She rolled her eyes because, in her mind, the answer was obvious. However, it wasn’t apparent to Ryan, and she owed him every word of explanation. “You scared me to death, Ryan. Because I’d grown up watching my parents’ marriage. It was always hot and passionate and always ended in one of them compromising their beliefs for the other.”
“So? Isn’t that what love is all about? Nobody has to change, but sometimes one or the other person has to give a little.” Confusion laced his tone.
She almost smiled because he’d just provided her with his view on relationships. And love.
Nodding slowly, she continued, “Yes, that’s what love is all about. And at thirty years old—”
“Hell, you make it sound like thirty is ancient.” He ran a hand through his hair, his frustration clear. “It’s a goddamn excuse, Zoe, and it’s about time you admit it, if not to me then to yourself.”
He’d raised his voice at her, and a swell of emotion rose in her throat, tears forming in her eyes. And she wasn’t even halfway through with what she had to tell him.
“Yes it was an excuse,” she yelled back at him, her harsh tone and criticism aimed at herself. “You think I don’t know that? But if I don’t explain why I needed the excuse, then we have no hope of getting past it. So if you don’t mind, I’d like to continue.” She forced a deep breath into her lungs and only when she was sure she wouldn’t cry, she started to speak again.
He grinned.
Damn the man.
“By all means. Go on.” His voice had softened as had his expression, giving her courage and hope.
“At the time, when I couldn’t face how I felt about you, I started focusing on our differences. And I told myself that after doing exactly what I wanted when I wanted, I wasn’t capable of having an intense, committed relationship while maintaining my independence.”
“And you didn’t trust me not to demand you change,” he said, his disappointment strong.
“Because I didn’t trust me. I didn’t trust myself not to give in to you, to do anything to keep you happy, even if I lost myself in the process.”
He shook his head. “I wouldn’t let that happen.”
She nodded. “I know that now. Just like I know I wouldn’t lose myself to any man.” She couldn’t help but smile. “Not even to you, despite how charming, sexy, and charismatic you may be.”
He stood up straighter. Then the man in the Italian-cut designer suit and silk tie, the man she’d first met with the twinkle in his eye and the ability to make her laugh, strode around the desk and came up beside her. “Say that again.”
“What?” she asked, fluttering her eyelashes and feigning innocence.
“Tell me again how charming, sexy and charismatic I am.” He sat on the desk and leaned closer.
She laughed. “I think you’re missing the point.”
He shook his head. “With any luck, I think I’m just catching on.”
Not only were they joking and laughing, but he’d closed the physical and emotional distance between them. When she inhaled, she took in his musky cologne and heady scent, and arousal hit her hard. Only this time, her desire didn’t frighten her. It just made her more determined to explain and win him back.
“So just how did you come to these momentous conclusions?” he asked.
She sensed the seriousness in his question and settled herself beside him on the big desk. “That’s probably the easiest answer I can give. I realized I was faced with losing you forever and that scared me a hell of a lot more than overcoming my fears.”
