Page 45 of The Perfect Blend
A small, rational voice spoke up and said that he could have used my connections without needing to play along romantically, it wasn’t all a lie. I told it to shut up. He was twisted to play around with me like that, knowing full well that at some point he was going to bring his family up here, and that I would find out. What was I going to do, scream and shout about how he’d led me on when he was actually married? No, that would be dragging my own name through the mud, and jeopardising my own business by looking like some crazy homewrecker. And he knew that. He wasn’t concerned at all, he seemed comfortable the whole time. He’d fooled me, and all the warm memories from my time with him just made me feel sick now.
I felt like a sailor out in a terrible storm, I had to strap myself to the mast and hope the raging seas wouldn't take me or sink the ship while I weathered these feelings that dragged me back and forth and back and forth. It felt ridiculously dramatic after only having one night with the man, but it wasn’t about just that one night. It was that somehow, slowly, over the course of the past few weeks, that man had snuck in where I was vulnerable and given me hope that I could have had more, I could have had better. And it had been lies all along.
Sharon called and called till I eventually answered the phone, because I knew she’d come round otherwise.
“Sorry,” I said when I finally picked up. “I’m fine. Didn’t mean to make you worry. I just need some time alone.”
“Okay. As long as you’re okay. Me and Rick drove up to the farm today and got your car. I couldn’t find a parking space so I’ve put it round the corner.”
I felt a bloom of gratitude for Sharon and her husband.
“Thanks Sharon, I hadn’t thought about that at all.” I felt stupid, how had I completely forgotten that my car was still up at Zachs.
“Don’t mention it.”
I couldn’t help but ask, “Did you see him?”
There was pause.
“No, we didn’t see anyone, it was all quiet at the farm.”
“Oh, ok.” I processed that quietly, I wondered where they’d gone, and then hated myself for caring.
Another pause followed, I guess Sharon didn’t know what to say either.
“Anyway, call me if you need me,” she said.
“Okay.”
But we both knew I wouldn't.
Outside the weather wouldn’t even have the decency to rage with me, instead soft fat snowflakes fell steadily and calmly.
‘Look’, they seemed to say, ‘there's no need to be that dramatic. Just float on through’.
I took Beanie out for her short walk to the park and back, and found no joy in what was usually my favourite weather. We came back inside and I asked the sky for some harsh rain instead.
It ignored my pleas. The gentle snow continued to fall.
Feeling exceptionally dramatic and sorry for myself, I spent the morning sleeping or trying to sleep with trash reality TV on in the background. It was kind of soothing to watch people get married to total strangers and then be surprised that it collapsed into an utter shitshow. Shocking. At least they signed up for it. Despite the wintery weather outside, I couldn’t bring myself to light a fire, because it reminded me of the other night. I then got angry at myself for being such a drip, acting like we’d been something real rather than just a one night stand. I got up and lit the fire in a huff, sitting close by and watching the flames while dramatic music on the telly heralded a confrontation onscreen.
Mid-afternoon the doorbell rang and my body went into overdrive. I froze where I was, sprawled on the sofa, and hastily muted the TV. Was it him? I couldn't see him now! I didn’t know what I was going to say. How would I handle this? I sat still, quiet and alert, like a meerkat searching for predators. Whoever it was would probably just go away soon.
Then my phone rang, and I glanced at the name before answering.
“It’s me, you tit, open the door.”
Ah, the soft dulcet tones of Zoe. Of course it wouldn’t be him. He was probably at his sister’s house with his own bloody family. Or maybe he’d never intended to go to Selene’s at all. Maybe he’d woken upwith his wifein the bed I had slept in only one day ago. The thought made me feel ill.
I trudged downstairs and opened the door. Zoe stood in the snow staring at me like she was looking at a bomb about to explode.
“You look like shit, hun,” she said.
“Thanks.”
“Have you taken a shower?”
I just looked at her.
