Page 160 of Wrecked
Her Glock was on the night table. She opened the drawer, pulled out the photo, and set her weapon inside.
“I like my Glock in the drawer.”
“Go for it,” he replied.
She picked up the photo. It was of a much younger Hawk with a pretty blonde. They were at a park, she was sitting on his lap laughing. “She’s pretty.”
“I can take that.”
She handed him the framed picture and he tucked it in a dresser drawer. Once in bed, he rolled toward her, then supported his head on his hand. She, however, stared at the ceiling.
“You’re not okay,” he murmured, his minty breath warming her face. “Talk to me, baby.”
“I’m good.”
Stop lying to him.
“Weweregood, until I told you you were sleeping with me,” he said. “It’s just us. No role playing, no shop talk.” He kissed her. “What’s going on?”
She could be honest or she could blow him off. Her gaze met his. His piercing turquoise eyes were searching for answers as they roamed her face.
She rolled toward him. “I have intimacy issues.”
“Okay.” His encouraging smile helped her push forward.
“My mom, sister, and I were really close,” she began. “I loved my dad, but he worked a lot, so Mom was it. She was such a fun mom. She was super positive, and she encouraged us to try new things. She was kind, but there were rules. We had to eat our vegetables. We had to keep our rooms neat.” She smiled at the memory. “Or neat enough. She taught us that people were good and life was an adventure. When I was nine, she started changing. She’d get angry with us. She started going to meetings after dinner. Sometimes, we’d be alone until our dad—Z—came home. We did our homework or played. Anyway, when I was ten, she just didn’t come home one day. We never saw her again. Years later, my dad told me the truth. She’d fallen in love with this crazy cult leader and she ran off to live in his compound.”
“Jesus, that’s intense,” he said.
“Yeah, so when she left, we were in shock. It was rough in the beginning. My dad changed his schedule to be home for dinner, but we didn’t know how to cook. We ate cereal until we figured it out. The last time I saw my mom, we had a huge fight. After she left, I remember crying and crying and promising myself I’d never fight with anyone like that ever again. I blamed myself for her leaving.”
“Oh, baby.” Hawk gently brushed the tendrils from her face.
“My dad stepped up. He started coming to our stuff, like sports or school plays. But, he was so different from our mom. He taught us that the world wasn’t a utopia. That there were bad people and we had to be careful. He took us for karate lessons. My sister quit, but I liked it, in part, because he’d stay during my lesson and cheer me on. He wanted me to study International relations, and Government and Politics, which I did. I liked it, but I also wanted to please him. I never wanted him to leave me, like my mom had. Looking back, the more I followed his guidance, the prouder he was. He got me my job in the CIA and he opened doors for me at ALPHA.”
“Thank you for telling me.”
“There’s more,” she murmured, “but we can go to sleep—”
“No, Addison, I want to know.”
She sat up, turned toward him, and the sheets pooled at her waist. He pulled the linens over her shoulders and she wrapped them around herself to help stop the trembling.
“Thank you,” she murmured.
After clasping her shaking hand, he caressed her skin with his thumb.
“I had a boyfriend in college,” she continued. “We were sleeping together until I found out he had another girlfriend. More defensive walls went up. After college, I tried again with another guy.” She shot him an adorable smile. “Hopeless romantic, I guess. He was into tying me up, which I didn’t mind, but then, he wanted me to have sex with a woman while he watched. I refused. One weekend, we went to a party. As the night wore on, I realized he was MIA. I found him in bed with two guys.” She held up her hands in mock surrender. “I came to the realization that if I didn’t give my heart away, I couldn’t get hurt. Right after that, I left for my overseas assignment and I didn’t get involved with anyone. When I got back, a few friends introduced me to the cosplay scene and I loved it. About a year ago, I started hooking up if I wanted to go a little crazy.”
He leaned forward, kissed her. “But this is different,” he murmured. “You know that, right?”
“We can’t happen. There’s too much at stake. Too much to lose. We don’t just work together, we’re partners. We own a nightclub together. I adore your family. We’re the best of friends. In the three years I’ve known you, you’ve never gotten romantically involved with a woman, never had a girlfriend. If I give you my heart, you’ll break it. As sad as that would be, losing your friendship would wreck me.”
* * *
Hawk could tell her she wasn’t going to lose his friendship, kiss her goodnight, and say nothing more.
Or I can man up and tell her the damn truth.
