Page 71 of Real Forever
“Auntie Maddie?” Madison lifted her head toward the sound of Maisie’s hushed voice. Her small face was standing in the hall, peeking out into the dining room.
“Hi Crazy Maisie. Whatcha doin’? Come here.” Madison dusted her hands off on her jeans and held her arms out. Maisie padded over and hopped into her lap. She was wearing pajamas and carrying her teal and raspberry colored stuffed unicorn, but it was the middle of the day.
“Can I have some pizza with you?”
“Of course. You know you’re my most favorite pizza eating buddy. Do you want me to warm a slice up for you?”
“Aren’t you warming it all up?” Maisie’s expression was confused.
“Nope, I like eating mine cold.”
“Really?” She peered at Madison, trying to determine if she was being tricked or teased.
“Really.” Madison gave her a reassuring nod.
“Okay. Well, maybe I can try it cold like you.”
Madison handed her a slice, and they both munched away.
“Auntie?”
“Yes, my sweet?”
“Do you think my mommy and daddy are gonna get a divorce?”
Shit.Madison didn’t know what to say. She was not prepared for this conversation. “What makes you ask that, Maisie?”
“They had a really big loud fight last night. Bigger and louder than their normal fights. And Daddy left, and he still hasn’t come home. And Mommy has been crying in her bed all day. I think they might get a divorce.”
Madison stroked Maisie’s hair. “Sweets, please don’t worry. Your mommy and daddy—”
Maisie interrupted. “I’m not worried.”
“You aren’t?” Madison furrowed her brow.
“No. I hope they do get a divorce. I have been waiting and waiting for them to get a divorce.”
“You want Mommy and Daddy to get a divorce? Why?”
“‘Cuz they’re sad. All the time. I don’t want Mommy to cry all the time and mostly the thing that makes her cry all the time is Daddy.”
“You think Daddy makes Mommy cry a lot?”
“Yeah. ‘Cuz Daddy gets mad all the time and when he gets mad, he has really big feelings and he forgets to use his kind words and gentle hands so he doesn’t hurt Mommy. Sometimes I forget to use my kind words and my gentle hands, but not as much as Daddy. I think it must be really hard for Daddy, but I don’t know why. Cuz’ I think it’s not hard because I love Mommy, so I want to be gentle.”
She tipped her head up to meet Madison’s eyes. “Do you think it means Daddy doesn’t love Mommy? Sometimes he doesn’t use kind words to me too. Does it mean he doesn’t love me either?”
Madison wrapped Maisie up in a hug, kissing the top of her head and holding her tight.What the hell am I supposed to say to her? Fuck you, Dave. Fuck you for putting us both in this goddamn place right now.She took a deep breath.
“Maisie, your mommy and your daddy love you more than anything in the world. Nothing could ever change that. And they love each other too. But… sometimes, grownups can have trouble with big feelings that have nothing to do with the people in their families, or the people they love. It’s something inside of them. Sometimes they have really big hurts in their hearts, and they’ve been there for a long time, and nobody else can fix it, no matter how much they love someone.When a person has a big hurt like that, they are supposed to try to heal it, so it’s easier for them to use their kind words and gentle hands, and to love others in the ways they deserve to be loved.”
She dipped her head down to meet Maisie’s eye, placing her hands on Maisie’s cheeks.
“You need to know you and your mommy deserve to be loved with kindness and gentleness.”
Maisie nodded.
“You deserve that kind of love, and just because your daddy hasn’t been able to give you that kind of love, doesn’t mean you don’t deserve it. It’s about him. Not you and not Mommy. You are both beautiful, brilliant, strong women. Okay?”
