Page 66 of Real Forever
“Oh, I’m sure Auntie Maddie will think of something.” Agatha took a large mason jar from the cupboard and began mixing up her homemade cucumber salad dressing. “Everything else is good with you, though? You seem a little far away today.”
Damn it. Frickin’ Agatha was like a mind reader or clairvoyant or something. Madison had done her best to put on a happy face. She was thrilled about being able to get the truck money to Lauren, and she was trying so hard to stay focused on that. But her skating date with Jake and looming break up had kept her up most of the night.
“I’m okay, Agatha. It’s just, do you remember the boy I introduced you to at Lauren’s?”
“Madison,” she clamped her hand to her hip. “How dare you? I’m old, but I’m not senile, for Christ’s sake. Yes, I remember Jake.” Agatha rolled her eyes and continued shaking up her jar of dressing.
“Sorry. Geez Louise, lady. Well, Jake is moving to Calgary at the beginning of February, so last night we decided to break up on January first. And,” she hugged her arms around herself, “I don’t know. I guess I’m bummed. I was starting to believe maybe he could actually like me.”
Agatha was quiet.
“And it’s frustrating because I don’t even know why I’m upset about it. I don’t want to be in a relationship. Shit, I’m the one who suggested the January first date. I guess I’m bummed he didn’t seem sad about it. He didn’t argue against the idea at all. I don’t know. It’s stupid, Agatha.” Madison grabbed her navy apron off the hook and pulled it over her head. “I’m fine. Really.”
Agatha poured the dressing over the bowl of cucumbers and red onions. “Madison, do you want to break up with Jake?”
“What do you mean?”
Agatha’s tone remained calm and even. “It’s a simple question. Do you want to break up with Jake?”
Madison sighed. “Well, no, not right now. But eventually I guess. I know it’s inevitable. I just thought we had more time.”
“Why is it inevitable?”
Madison gawked at Agatha like it was a ridiculous question. “It just is. First of all, he’s moving to Calgary. But even if he wasn’t, I’m not an idiot. I am not marriage material for anyone, Agatha, but definitely not for Jake. He’s smart and successful and focused. His life is on a straight track up. Not a rollercoaster ride of binge drinking and seasonal depression.”
Agatha laughed. “Madison, you are not an alcoholic, nor are you depressed. Seasonally or otherwise. You are grieving, my love. There is a difference.”
Madison scoffed. “Doesn’t feel like much of a difference.”
“Madison, look at me. I need you to hear this and believe this.”
Madison reluctantly met her eyes.
“Your sadness, your grief, this time you are using to figure out how to move forward—it does not make you any less worthy of love.”
Madison’s skin felt ice cold. She pulled back and dropped her eyes to the floor.
“Don’t look away from me. You need to hear this, Madison, because somewhere along the way, I think you decided you were too much. Too much grief, too much baggage, to deserve to be happy. But you are not too much. You are beautiful, and kind, and when you forget how sad you are for a minute, and the real Madison shines out… my darling, you are divine.”
Tears rolled silently down Madison’s cheeks. She pulled her hands into her sleeves and chewed her lip, eyes still focused on the tile pattern beneath her feet.
“You deserve a great and beautiful love in this life. You deserved your mother’s love that she was not well enough to give you. You deserved your father’s love for many more years than you got. And you deserve the love of a kind man who will treat your incredible heart with the kindness and care it deserves.”
Madison’s silent tears expanded into heavy sobs. Agatha wiped her hands on her apron and pulled her into an embrace, allowing Madison’s tears and runny nose to soak the shoulder of her blouse.
“I don’t know if that man is Jake. But I do know you’ll never find out if you aren’t honest with yourself about how you feel. You’re right. It might not work out. You might get your heart broken. But that’s life, my dear. You fall down, and you get back up. I know you, and I know you can get back up.”
“No, I don’t think I can, Agatha. I don’t think I can take another person leaving me.” Madison’s voice cracked. “It will break me.”
Agatha hushed her and ran her hand over the back of Madison’s hair. “Sweetheart, you are unbreakable.” She kissed her forehead and stepped back to her salad.
Madison wiped her eyes with the cuffs of her sleeves and blew her nose. She pulled her phone out of her pocket and checked herself out in the front facing camera.Well, I guess the upside of being too lazy to put on makeup is never having mascara run down my face when I bawl my eyes out at work.
The walk home from work was even colder than the walk there had been. The wind had picked up, and it was bitterly cold against the few slivers of skin poking out from underneath Madison’s winter gear. Even the best winter jacket could only help so much on a night like this, though. The wind seemed to blow right through her. She reminded herself to be grateful it was only a few blocks.
Coming up to the house, Madison noticed the overhead garage door was open, which was pretty unusual. Once she got there, she went inside, hit the button to lower it, and then entered through the side door into the house. The house was quiet, Maisie was probably in bed, so she tried not to make a ruckus getting out of her snowy gear. She couldn’t hear Lauren or the TV, so she figured Lauren was reading on the couch. She headed in to see her.
Entering the kitchen, Madison’s heart stopped and her muscles froze. Shards of broken dishes littered the floor, the wicker blinds were torn off the window above the kitchen sink, and two dining room chairs had been overturned and tossed across the room. Taking a few more cautious steps inside, Madison noticed there was a large hole in the drywall in the dining area.
