Page 40 of Real Forever
It’s a panic attack. You know it’s a panic attack. Stop. You have to stop.
Find something I can feel. Find something I can feel on my skin.
He slid down the side of the tub, curled on to his side, and pressed his cheek against the coldness of the tile floor.
Feel the cold on your skin, Jake.
I am here. I am okay.
They love her so much.
My chest is so tight. I think I’m having a heart attack.
That love is real for them.
Breathe, Jake.
That’s how people are supposed to love each other. That’s how families are supposed to love each other.
Another hard sob tore up Jake’s throat, followed by another. Too large to swallow. Terrified of being heard, he clamped his hand over his mouth. His body shivered violently as the sobs forced their way out and he fought to silence them.
Jake wasn’t sure how long he had spent huddled and heaving on the bathroom floor when his breathing finally slowed, and his heart had stopped racing. Steadying himself on the edge of the tub, he stood up, inspected at himself in the mirror and put himself back together as best as he was able.
It was obvious he had been crying, and he knew his only hope was to leave before Madison could see his face. He slipped out of the bathroom and peeked into the dining room from the hall. The women were no longer there, and he couldn’t hear them anywhere close by either. He tiptoed through the dining room to the front door and grabbed his jacket off the hook. He stepped into his shoes and was out the door, in his car, and pulling out of the driveway in under a minute.
* * *
Driving back to Silver Creek,Jake sifted through the events of the past twenty-four hours, attempting to organize his scattered thoughts. Last night with Madison had been incredible. He hadn’t laughed so hard or had so much fun in… he couldn’t recall ever having had so much fun. But the afternoon had been something else.
Watching the easy closeness between Maisie and Madison, the way Maisie absent-mindedly wriggled her toes in Madison’s hands as they sat together on the couch, how Madison gently combed her fingers through Maisie’s hair while they played games, had felt much the same way seeing the Rocky mountains for the first time felt. Indescribably beautiful, awe inspiring, but also overwhelming and imposing. It was an unfamiliar dynamic to Jake. Of course he could remember seeing similar interactions at his friend’s homes as a child, but Jake’s family didn’t touch, or have inside jokes, or call one another by sweet nicknames. Jake simultaneously pined to feel that warmth and feared he would never understand how to reciprocate it.
When he got home, Zach wasn’t there, and Jake was grateful for the solitude. He headed straight for the shower and stood under the water, as hot as he could handle it, until the bathroom was so thick with steam, he couldn’t see the door. The water felt cleansing even before he soaped up. Twenty minutes later he emerged in a towel, feeling wrung out. He was lying on his bed, staring at the ceiling when his phone buzzed on the nightstand.
Madison:Hey. I’m so sorry about this afternoon.
Jake: Don’t be sorry. How’s Lauren doing?
Madison: She’s fine, I guess. I don’t know. I feel like I don’t even know her lately. How could I be living in the same house and not realize all this shit was going on with her? I feel awful.
Jake: Don’t say that. I saw how you two were together today. She’s lucky to have someone who cares about her so much.
Jake: Did Dave show up?
Madison: Not yet.
Jake ranhis fingers through his hair. What kind of guy has all of that and throws it away? He tried to picture the man who could sit on that couch, in that home, with Maisie and Lauren and feel annoyed. Who could want to be somewhere else?
Jake:I’m sorry. I don’t know whether to say I hope he comes home soon or never shows his face again.
Madison: Thanks.
Jake sethis phone back down and climbed off his bed to pull on his favorite sweatpants and a white, long sleeved Santa Cruz Bicycles T-shirt. He rubbed the towel through his hair before hanging it back on the hook in the bathroom. His phone buzzed again. An email from Nathan.
Jake:Good news. My lawyer friend emailed me back, and he thinks the implied warranty law should be enough to convince NorAsana to give Lauren a refund.
Madison: OMG
Madison: Amazing news. So, what does she have to do?
