Page 34 of Back to Claim His Crown
‘They can’t judge you when they don’t even know you.’
‘Doesn’t stop them trying though, does it.’ She sighed. ‘I went from being the princess everyone had forgotten about to a supposedly perfect bride, which we all know is an impossibility. To the poor unwanted princess who’s a coward.’
‘You’re not a coward, you’re very brave. Not to mention beautiful.’
She had no time for flattery from him. ‘Yet you resist me so easily.’
‘On the contrary, it is you who resists me.’ He shot her a look. ‘I would be on my knees between your legs right now if you gave the nod.’
Her face flamed at the image he’d just put in her head. ‘I can’t. Not while you don’t trust me enough to believe me when I say I know what I want and I can handle it.’
He regarded her in silence and that made her resentment burn hotter. She was sleepless. But he looked exhausted. He was pushing himself too hard.
‘I mean it,’ she said, knowing she was provoking him and doing it anyway. ‘You should see a therapist for your trust issues.’
His mouth twisted. ‘You think I can trust a therapist?’
‘It is a conundrum,’ she acknowledged. ‘But you’re going to need to trust someone some time or everything you’re doing is pointless.’
He stiffened. ‘It’s not pointless to protect my people.’
‘They survived without you before. They would again. No one is indispensable.’
‘You’re saying I’m unnecessary?’
‘I think yourpersonalsacrifices are unnecessary. You’ve given up too much of yourself and too much of your life already.’
‘And you’ve not wanted to make sacrifices for your country or your family?’ He regarded her sardonically.
But there was more to this. More she couldn’t let go.
‘I think I was far more selfish than you, actually.’ She narrowed her eyes as he paled at her words. ‘I think you don’t want to trust anyone because you don’t want to be hurt.’
‘You don’t think my lack of trust has anything to do with the fact that my cousin...’
‘Your cousin what?’ she recklessly pressed. ‘What really happened that day, Lucian?’
Lucian clamped his jaw shut and stared at her. The exhaustion from touring was getting to him, as was the frustration of being around her and being unable to touch her in the way he craved more and more. He’d been so looking forward to seeing her he’d justhadto kiss her. And now—
Now she’d stilled.
And hehadworked his issues through with a therapist, as it happened. He’d taken that chance while in Piri-nu in an effort to work out if he could truly trust what he’d seen that day. But now he was furious, and Zara was looking at him with her big blue eyes and he knew she wanted more than the scant details that he’d given to the press. She wanted to knowwhy. But there was so much more to it than that one morning.
‘Anders came to live with us when he was seven,’ he said roughly. ‘My mother had already lost my father and then her sister and her husband died in a plane crash. As Anders was their only child, of course she opened up the palace to him. My mother was generous.’ He took in a breath, remembering his mother’s hurt and hating it. ‘Garth came too. He’s Anders’s uncle. He always seemed reliable and willing to assist. My mother trusted him. I’d just gone to boarding school abroad so I saw Anders only in the holidays. Frankly, I wasn’t as patient as I could have been. I thought he was always a bit spoiled. Of course I was equally spoiled, but I was just too arrogant to see it.’
‘So you weren’t close?’
‘Not as close as we could have been.’ If Lucian had made more effort, maybe things might have turned out differently—that was on him too. ‘My mother wanted me to mentor him but I wasn’t that good at it. I wasn’t...’
‘But you took him on that holiday with you,’ Zara prompted. ‘You took him diving.’
Only because he’d been made to.
‘We’d left the big yacht moored and gone in a small boat to explore some of Greece’s smaller uninhabited islands. Anders was on the boat when I did a bad dive and hit my head on a rock. I resurfaced but I remember the blood streaming in my eyes. I remember it hurt. I remember I called to him.’
Zara watched him steadily. ‘What did he do?’
‘He was only fourteen, Zara,’ he said huskily. ‘Maybe he was frozen with fear.’ He’d wanted to believe that. He didn’t want to believe he’d truly seen such malevolence in someone so young. That chill filled his body. ‘I thought he was holding the boat hook out for me to grab. But he didn’t hold it still for me to reach for it. Instead, he hit down with it.’
