Page 57 of Back to Claim His Crown
‘Zara—’
‘I’m beinghonest. Which is more than you can seem to be,’ she flared at him. ‘I’m in love with you. And I know you feel something for me too. But you can’t even admit what that is, let alone embrace it. If it’s just lust, that’s fine, Lucian. But at least admit it. And if it’s lust it will fade. Signing up to a lifetime commitment right now ismadness. Especially when the truth is you want to be alone. You’ve made that very clear. I’m not going to live where I’m not loved—I need to be loved, just for myself. My family didn’t love me enough like that.’
‘You happily accepted a similar offer from Anders only weeks ago, yet somehow I amworsethan—’
‘And I waswrongabout him. And thank you for stopping it. You’ve opened my eyes in many ways, Lucian. And now I know that for me to acceptyourproposal is even more wrong. It’ssodifferent. Knowing you don’t feel the same would only destroy me.’
He became a statue once more. ‘I do not want to see you destroyed. I’m sorry you feel that is what would happen if you were to accept my proposal,’ he said stiffly. ‘Piri-nu is a place of sanctuary. I will make the arrangements.’
‘How long will that take?’
‘You can leave as soon as you would like.’
‘I’m already packed.’
‘Then I’ll get onto it immediately.’
He was true to his word. Zara had been standing, shell-shocked, in her room for only twenty minutes before there was a peremptory knock on her door.
Lucian stood there, the aviator sunglasses back on. ‘You’ll go by helicopter to a private runway in Austria. An unmarked jet will be there. It will take you direct to Piri-nu.’
He was silent as he carried her bag to the helipad. She didn’t know what she’d wanted. What she’d hoped for. He was utterly cold and emotionless. Only that wasn’t true. That wasn’t the Lucian she knew.Intimately.
He faced her, all ice. ‘I’ve used you. Abominably. I apologise. I cannot make amends. I can only apologise.’
She stared at him sadly. ‘Are you not angry right now, Lucian?’ Because she was furious.
He barely hesitated. ‘I’m always angry, Zara.’
Yeah, and he made her even angrier. He still couldn’t be vulnerable—or honest.
She stepped right up to him. ‘Anger is an expression ofhurt. Ofotherfeelings that have been wounded. Becauseyoufeel deeply and you feellotsof things. Including love. You’re just trying far too hard not to.’
He was stuck trying to protect himself—so he wasn’t really living at all.
‘Ichose to come here. I chose to stay. I chose to have this affair with you.’ She straightened proudly even as her voice shook. ‘And now I choose to end it. That’s where you can’t stand in my way.’ But the hurt leaked out in stinging tears that coursed down her cheeks. ‘Stay suffering, Lucian. Stay drowning in your unnecessary guilt.’ She dragged in a hiccupping breath. ‘You know we could have hadeverythingbut you’re too scared.’
He took a half-step nearer before stopping himself. ‘Please don’t cry, Zara.’
‘You might like to mask every emotion,’ she cried. ‘Pretend like you feel nothing. But I’m not going to. It won’t make it go away. It won’t just disappear. Loving people and losing them hurts, Lucian. Like this is for me, right now. And not even you can deny it.’
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
PIRI-NUWASEVERYbit as hot as Lucian had warned. Every bit as beautiful. Gold-ringed emerald islands, sapphire waters, the widest of skies. It was a paradise, where anything would be possible.
‘The air-conditioning is fantastic, isn’t it?’ Maia smiled as she joined Zara in the beautiful lounge a week after her departure from Monrayne.
‘I’ll acclimatise.’
‘Give it time. It’s a big adjustment.’
The croissant Zara had selected for lunch was the lightest, most buttery pastry she’d ever eaten, but she couldn’t finish it. Her appetite—so endless back in Monrayne—was deadened here. The heat, she supposed. Heat and heartache. She would get used to both. She would cope. Ultimately, she would thrive.
She finally had the freedom she’d wanted. No title. No expectations. No need to seek impossible approval. Not from her family. Not from Lucian either. She would be herself and she would be okay.
‘You and Niko have been so kind.’ She gestured towards the campus prospectuses Maia had gathered for her. ‘I’m excited to work through these.’
‘I’m glad.’ But Maia’s expression turned cautious as she sat beside Zara. ‘Are you okay, though?’ she asked quietly. ‘Have you been in touch with Lucian?’
