Page 78 of Give Me a Sign
“She’s mad at me. She probably hates me,” I say. Any hope for a friendship there feels lost. And I don’t blame her.
“She doesn’t hate you. She’s scared,” Mackenzie says and signs. “I’m sorry this happened to you.”
“It didn’t happen to me. I’m sitting right here while Isaac is hurt and alone. And I said I don’t want to talk about it.” I cross my arms and turn away.
Once my car is running again, Ethan stops by the window. “Are you good to drive her back?” he asks Mackenzie.
“Yeah.”
“Where are you going?” I ask.
“We have to take your statement to Gary,” he says, walking away to get in the back seat of Jaden’s car.
I fling open my door. “Then I need to come with you.”
Ethan turns around, jaw still tight, brow narrowed with concern. “Lilah, what I really need is for you to go back to camp. Okay? Go with Mackenzie and wait for us to get back. It’s just Bobby and Simone there right now covering the duty shift, so we really need you both back with the campers. Can you do this for me?”
“Why do they get to go?” I point to Jaden and Natasha, who both avoid my gaze.
Ethan doesn’t have an answer. “Sorry, Lilah.” He climbs into the car, and they speed away.
Mackenzie comes and gently pulls me back to my car, where my eyes finally run out of tears. I kick my feet against the glovecompartment. “Everyone hates me. And I should be there for Isaac. But he probably hates me, too.”
“Lilah, no one hates you. I promise. They’re concerned. You’re very upset.” She backs the car out and drives away. “Plus, they need us back at camp. That’s an important job they’re trusting us with, you know.”
I don’t like Mackenzie driving my car and coming up with pathetic things to say to try to make me feel better. I don’t like Ethan treating me like a burden. I don’t like the way Natasha and Jaden looked at me. I don’t like the way I keep seeing Isaac’s face as he got into that police car.
“Your idea is the worst,” I say, gritting my teeth.
“My idea?”
“To pretend to be deaf. You don’t understand.” I shake my head.
“I don’t.” Mackenzie says this loud and clear.
“You don’t.” I’m shouting now. “You don’t and it makes me so mad. That everyone assumes they know, but they don’t. And they make it so difficult. Sometimes they make it all so difficult.” Then I curse, loudly.
We sit in silence the rest of the way back to camp, and for a few more minutes in the car once we arrive.
“Lilah, I can’t imagine how awful tonight was,” Mackenzie says and signs one-handed. “You’re right. And I hope you’ll forgive me. I didn’t know as much as I thought about Deaf culture, and I might have used that to my advantage. That was wrong. But I still want to learn and be better.”
Part of me wants to pick a fight. How dare she not give in to my argumentative frustration. “You don’t understand. Thisplace is so important to me. Before coming back this summer, I didn’t realize just how important it was. And now, what if he never gets to come back? What if I never do? What if none of us do?” I struggle to speak through hiccups from my shallow breathing. “But no matter how hard I try, I feel like I can’t do anything right. And after tonight...”
“Lilah, what exactly are you talking about?”
I don’t answer. Instead, I cover my face with my hands and sob gently. This summer was supposed to be the best one yet, not the worst. And at this rate, I won’t get the chance to have a better one next year.
“Lilah,” Mackenzie starts to say, and I can sense the uncertainty in her voice. She signs as she speaks, “Isaac is going to be okay. He has to be.”
I don’t respond, so we sit in silence for a while. “Let’s get back to the cabins,” Mackenzie suggests.
“I want to wait here for them to get back.”
“It’s almost midnight,” Mackenzie says and signs. “They might be a while, and you need to get some sleep.”
“I won’t be able to sleep. I need to wait for Isaac.”
“You can try. Come on.”
