Page 91 of 56 Days
“I know it’s Oliver you’re staying with. And I know there’s a good reason why you might not have wanted to confirm that for me the other night. I’d understand if you’re trying to protect him. What I want to make sure of, though, is that if youdon’tknow what that good reason might be, if you’re not trying to protect him, if you don’t know who he is, then...” Laura stops. “Did he tell you about the envelope he found? The one with his real last name on it?”
Blood rushes in Ciara’s ears as she does her best to look utterly confounded.
“It isn’t Kennedy,” Laura continues. “And I’m a journalist. I’m hoping—”
“I have to go,” Ciara blurts out.
She doesn’t trust her knees to hold her, but she stands up anyway. She lets the bottle fall from her hand and is vaguely aware of the splash of cold water that soaks the lower right leg of her jeans.
She takes three steps away, then turns back to face Laura.
“I don’t know what this is,” she says, “or what’s wrong with you, but Oliver and I have known each other since we were in primary school, so whatever this is about or whoever it’s about, it’s got nothing to do with us.”
Then she turns and walks away, fast, almost running. Feeling like her heart might be about to burst out of her chest.
And thinking,This bloody bitch is going to ruin everything.
Oliver paces back and forth across theliving-roomfloor, practicing his opening line in his head.
There’s something I really need to tell you.
He’s made a decision.
Not just now but really, if he’s honest with himself, back on Sunday night, just a few hours after opening the envelope.
He’s going to tell Ciara the truth.
Not the whole of it. Butmostof it. There are some things he can never say out loud, things he can’t bring himself to summon to the forefront of hisownmind, let alone plant forever in someone else’s.
What really matters are the broad strokes, and his plan is to tell her those as soon as she gets back from her walk.
He doesn’t want to do it. Every hour he gets to be with Ciara, every minute she still thinks of him as the Oliver she thinks she knows, is too good of a drug to cut himself off from—but he must, because he also knows it’s a drug that will kill him in the end.
He can’t continue on like this, with all the secrets and the lies and the hiding.
He can’t stand tofeellike this, as if he’s constantly holding his breath, waiting for the other shoe to drop, dreading the inevitable moment of reveal.
He has to tell her.
And then... Well, whatever happens, happens.
He had thought the timing of their meeting was a gift from the universe to make up for all it had taken away from him in the past: days before aonce-in-a-lifetime global pandemic that had changed the whole world in a matter of weeks, that forced people to make decisions without precedent, like what to do when lockdown loomed and the only way to keep seeing the man you’ve just met was to move in with him. And then there was the fact that Ciara didn’t use social media, had only just moved to the city, and agreed with him that this was a unique opportunity.
For her to grow something real in a protective environment, away from the scrutiny and influence of family and friends.
For him to show someone what was in his heart now, and would be, always, before they found out what he had done without any forethought seventeen years ago.
The first sign of trouble had come less thanforty-eighthours after she’d moved in, on that first Monday morning, when Kenneth called to warn him that a friend of his wife’s had moved into the other apartment KB Studios was renting in the complex. The woman was a nurse who lived with her elderly parents who needed to cocoon, and the apartment was empty, so... Problem was, Kenneth’s wife—Alison—had always absolutely hated Oliverandthe idea of her husband doing anything to help him. She didn’t know that he was back in Dublin, much less that he was working in the family business and living in a place they were paying for, and Kenneth was adamant that she couldn’t find out.
But this immediately got Oliver worried about something else:Kennethfinding out that Ciara was staying here.
Alison might well have told this family friend where the other KB Studios apartment was, and she could casually mention to Alison that she’d seen a couple out on its terrace, and Alison could say this to Kenneth, who might then think—and justifiably so—that Oliver was taking advantage of his kindness when he’d already done so much, and he might even have to admit to her who one half of the couple was, and then Oliver would be in real trouble, homelessandunemployed.
He’d been contemplating how to protect himself from that scenario when, just hours later, he found himself forced to explain somethingelseaway.
Since leaving London, he’d been having his monthly sessions with Dan, his therapist, by Zoom, and had had one scheduled for the Monday after Ciara moved in. He’d asked if it was possible to move it to noon, to match up with the hour Ciara said she was going to go for a walk. But she’d returned earlier than expected and overheard Dan admonishing Oliver for failing to tell him before now that he was in a relationship, which Dan was not pleased to hear coming so soon after the implosion in London.
In other circumstances, Oliver might have felt a little proud of the elegance of his solution. Dan became Kenneth, and avoiding the terrace killed two birds with one lie. But it just made him feel sick. That night, he lay in bed and wondered what it must be like to live your life without worrying that every little thing is forming the first link in a chain in a series of catastrophic events. He couldn’t even imagine it.
