Page 118 of Omen of ice
I can’t give her any kind of edge for what’s coming. “Until I can figure out a way to deal with her, to reason with her, I don’t think I can let that happen. Think of what she could do to the Winter Lands with all that extra power.”
“So you’re keeping the magic hidden to protect the Fae of the Winter Court?” There’s the smallest hint of amusement through the link.
I jab a finger at him. “If you ever tell anyone, I’ll deny it with my last breath.”
He throws up his hands and laughs, and this time it’s a genuine snicker. “So have you given any thought as to what your plans might be now? Aside from protecting the tear, I mean.”
“You’re asking if I plan to return to Lunal?” He’s nervous but also sad. I walked in on something between him and Delkin. Even if I hadn’t seen it, I’d felt it.
“I suppose I am.”
I take a single step forward. It feels bold and brave and makes my heart hammer even harder. “Do you want me to stay?” In so many ways, for so many reasons, I want his answer to be yes. But the reality of our situation makes what I want impossible.
Valen closes his eyes. “Yes,” he says, the word barely a whisper. When he opens them, there’s regret there, and I know, despite his answer, that we’re on the same page. Good. It makes this just a bit easier.
I force a smile. “You do know that if I stay, Daroose will stay as well. Are you certain you want a kelpie living on the estate? From what Delkin’s told me, he’s quite a handful when he gets bored.”
“Then we should be sure he doesn’t grow bored.”
I punch him playfully, doing my best to tamp down the sick feeling in my gut. “One week and I bet you kick us both out.”
“I need… We should stay close. For a time, at least. Aphelian said she didn’t know how the link would change. We’ll deal with it easier if we’re together.”
His reasoning makes sense, but it isn’t what I want to hear. I narrowed my next move down to two choices. Neither decision will result in a truly happy ending for me, but I’ve always done what needs to be done. Lived my life for the greater good. That doesn’t look like it will be changing any time soon. But, to choose between my two paths, I need him to tell me the truth. I need to know.
“Is that the only reason?”
“No.” Again, it’s low and comes with a spark of regret. “I trust you, Tania. More than I’ve ever trusted anyone. We joked about it, but I want it to become a reality.”
The air heats, and it’s hard to swallow. If my heart thumps any faster, it will explode from my chest.
“I’d like you to stay at the estate and become my official second.”
The air rushes back, and it’s cold. Icy. I still can’t breathe, but it isn’t for the same reasons. “Your second? I— Is that it? Those are the only reasons you want me to stay?” A streak of boldness forces the words out before I can stop. There can’t be anything left unsaid. When I make my choice, I need to be sure I have all the facts. Know all the truths despite the heartache that will come with both. “Think carefully before you answer, Valen. Give me the truth because it will be the base of my decision. Is there or is there not something between us?”
“Thereissomething between us, Tania.” He hesitates, then reaches out to touch the newly transformed markings on my face. Delkin’s theory is that the druid power, mingling with the Fae magic, recreated the sigils. Like the Order, the Fae magic has staked its claim on me. Marked me with lines of white like newly fallen snow. They’re beautiful, but in some ways, they feel like just another set of chains.
“It’s strong, and who knows how much stronger it will become with the amended link.” I lean into his touch for a moment, then pull away. With all the Winter Fae magic I’ve experienced, nothing has been as cold as the loss of his warmth.
“We can’t put a label on it. Not right now. Notyet.” He draws in a sharp breath. The words cut him from the inside as they spill from his lips. They cut me just as deep.
“There are no promises to be made today. Not tomorrow or the next day,” I say, then swallow the lump forming in my throat. “There are far too many things to fix, things to prepare for. Levina will not forget her revenge. Nor will the people.”
He nods. “If you stay—and I want you to—it must be because we make a good team. Do it because you have a place by my side, regardless of the capacity, and because the Fae, and in time, the humans, will benefit from your presence here. Stay because you are myfriend.”
“Your most trustedfriend,” I say.
Friend…
The way he says it tells me everything I need to know. I love Valen. I love him, but when I walked into the room, it was to tell him that we can’t be together. Not right now. He understands.
He agrees.
It isn’t what I want. On the way back to the estate, my mind spun with possibilities. The opportunities stretched before me like an open road, filled with hope and happiness I never expected to find. But with each mile closer, I saw the problems we would create.
The Winter Lands, as well as the humans, I suspect, are not ready for us. Magic is coming back to Derriga, and that will cause things to shift further. Balance will change, allegiances will be threatened, and fingers will undoubtedly be pointed. With Levina’s looming threat, we need to reduce the fracturing that will inevitably come with a shift in power as well as the truth about the history no one knew.
If there was nothing between us, I planned to stay. If he admitted to feeling as I do, my plan was to leave. We can’t be together, and I don’t think I could live each day so close to him, yet at such a distance.
