Page 100 of Omen of ice
Is it my fault he misunderstood?
By nightfall, we make it halfway up the peak. Delkin is sure we’ll make it to Ventin by midday tomorrow.
“Knowing what you know about Orbik, what are you going to do when this is all over?” I ask quietly.
Everyone but Valen and I are asleep. I don’t know why he’s still up, but I’m too nervous to nod off. Tomorrow, we’ll meet up with Levina, and I have no idea what to expect. What if her plan fails? Where will that leave me? Or Valen?
He stretches out his legs. “I’m not sure, to be honest. Maybe I’ll go back to Vey Brill with Delkin and Benj for a while. Get my bearings. Would that be okay with you?” He twirls a small twig between his fingers.
“Where you go, I go. That’s the deal.”
He drops his gaze to the ground for a moment, and when he lifts his head again, there’s something unreadable in his eyes. “It doesn’t have to be.”
“What?”
“I know you believe your duty is sacred, but what about your freedom?”
“Last I checked, I was free.”
“Technically, yes. But isn’t there anything else you ever wanted to do? Something that was out of the question because of your loyalty to the Order? To the Aphelians?”
“Haven’t we gone through this already?” While I appreciate his stance on the matter, I still believe in our partnership. Just knowing he believes what he does makes him worth protecting in my eyes. “I’ve never given it much thought. Aside from finding my family, there’s nothing else I’ve really had interest in other than the vow.”
“So do it. Go find your brothers. Your mother.”
“Valen, I like being your partner.” Is he still trying to get rid of me? After everything we’ve been through? Maybe being linked has given him too clear a window into who I am. Maybe he’s decided he’s better off without me. “Besides, I wouldn’t even know where to start looking. I’ve made peace with the fact that they’re lost. Just knowing they’re out there is enough.” I shift, suddenly uncomfortable. “What brought this up?”
“I’m telling you that if you wanted to, I would be okay with it. If…if something happened to change your mind, I wouldn’t want you to feel guilty.”
I can’t tell what he’s really saying. I know we agreed not to pursue any kind of entanglement, but that promise seems to keep slipping through the cracks. Of all my previous encounters, none have stayed with me the way Valen’s kisses have. None have made my blood boil and my heart race. Maybe he feels the same way. Maybe he’s worried we’ll cross a line we can’t come back from.
I believe him. He would let me walk away without the shame of abandonment, but it stings that he seems so casual about it. It’s just his way, I decide. He uses physical relationships to work through his issues. He said there was something between us, but I can see now that he was probably just trying to save me from feeling awkward about the fact that I can’t seem to keep my lips off of him.
I lay down on my back to watch the stars. “I think I understand what you’re trying to say.”
“You do?”
“Yes. I’m not a fool. You don’t have to push me out the door because you fear I’ll react badly the first time you show some other girl attention. I told you—I know who you are.”
“Show some other girl attention? Now I’m really confused.”
I roll onto my side so that I’m facing him. “You seem like you’re trying to get me to leave.”
“Get you to— No! That’s the last thing I want.” A blast of panic hits me through the link, and it nearly steals the air from my lungs. “I’ve never had anyone…like this.” He holds out his hand, and a small vine made of ice springs from his palm. “Obviously I’m out of practice talking to people. I mean, I’ve had plenty of someones. Fae throw themselves at me all the time. I’ve never wanted for company. But no one has everknownme like you do. We bicker constantly, and you’re always threatening to kill me—” He laughs. “But I like not beingalone.”
“I—”
“I like you, Tania. So much more than I like anyone else. So much that I want you to be truly happy. That’s, um, new for me. I usually don’t give a shit about what anyone else wants. If you being happy means leaving to do something else—or because you feel the need to go for whatever reason—then that’s what I want.” He tosses the ice vine into the air above our heads, then sends a frosty projectile straight for it. The vine explodes, sending a shower of icy, glittering dust flittering down on our heads.
The chill in my bones intensifies. Ever since I lost the jalva braid, each time one of us uses Fae magic, it takes more and more of a toll on me. I’m human, after all. My body might be able to handle druid magic, but Fae power is something entirely different. Without the jalva-soaked braid, I’m not going to make it much farther.
“There’s something I need to tell you.” Maybe it’s the cold pressing down on me, or maybe it’s the raw confessions we’ve both offered today. Either way, I have to get it out of my system. He needs to know the truth about what’s been happening to me. He wouldn’t keep something this big from me. I have no right to keep it from him.
“Wait.” He gets to his feet, and I feel… What is it? Shame? Anger? “I need to tell you something first.”
“What’s wrong?”
“I found out something before we left the estate. I foundsomething.”
