Page 11 of Resurrecting the Witch
I didn’t respond right away and slowly transitioned the natural smile he complimented into a scowl that promised violence if he commented on my face again.
Guillermo may have been my co-pilot at running HOMES, and also my therapist and confidant and best friend that knew me better than myself at this point, but he was still a man, and Lennox would kick me in one of my ovaries if she knew I let anyone with a dick tell me to smile more.
“Easy, I was just making a comment.Lemanja, save me.” Guillermo raised his hands in surrender. “Your scowl is even more entrancing and alluring as your sweet smile, Cliona. And you can tell Lennox I said that last bit too so she doesn’t come over here and kick me in my balls.”
I laughed because even though he gave me more than enough reasons to want to throat punch him, he was also the other, more put-together and socially conscious corner of my and Lennox’s fucked up triad of snarky bitches.
“But really, tell me how it went with Patrick last night.”
I had expected this question since Guillermo knew I met Patrick the night before. I also knew this was a safe space for me to unpack my emotions from the big first date since Hunter fucking Jacobs, but I found I didn’t want to share how I was feeling yet, as if speaking this joy out into the universe would make Patrick’s too-adorable smirk or the way his hand heated against my lower back when he walked me to my car disappear into the void. I had already told Lennox all the details, and that felt like too much already.
I actually felt myself inching toward happiness after only one date with Patrick. And this was a different type of soul-deep happiness I wasn’t used to; it wasn’t a surface-level joy sprouting from Lennox forcing me out dancing or some other activity that made me laugh with her and Guillermo. Those were always fun, but the familiar ache of depression, anger, and loneliness always came back when I got home. After I left Patrick, I didn’t have the capacity to feel anything other than an ember of excitement for a possible future with a cocky Irish sexy-as-sin undead fae. I was still somewhat shocked I even went on a date with a stranger and had an actual conversation with a member of the male species. Even the pulsing sensation in my clit that kept on throughout our meal proved my vulva wasn’t permanently dead from the lack of attention. The bitch could have been an extra onThe Walking Deadwith the way she came back to life last night when Patrick called me his pet, even if I wanted to deny his nickname had that effect on me.
“It was…” I paused, not sure how to capture my whirlwind of feelings in words. I was still reeling from the fact I not only went on a date with someone. But someone who texted me almost immediately that he had a good time and wanted to see me again. The fact he didn’t keep me guessing whether he enjoyed our date was invaluable and showed he cared as much as he seemed to. So far, Patrick simply told me what he wanted and expected I do the same. “Perfect. It was absolutely perfect,” I finished my thought. “Even though I may have let my emotions get a hold of me a few times.”
“How do you mean?” Guillermo said in his caring therapist voice. Something always shifted in his tone that let me know I wasn’t talking to my bestie (Guille) but instead my therapist (Dr. Luna).
“I had a panic attack when I spilled a glass of water before he got there. And then I kept randomly crying.” I cringed at the memory of Patrick wiping away my tears. Despite it being sweet, I didn’t like showing weakness. “And the weird part was Patrick didn’t freak out or dip immediately. He actually wiped my tears away and made me smile and I felt so many things all at once. He even sat on the same side of the table as me. And then he, like,listenedto me. OH!” I made Guillermo jump. “He also had some really,reallywickedly powerful magick that like, calmed me down immediately. It was so weird, Guillermo. And I wasn’t even able to ask about it because I was distracted with everything else. I want to know everything about him. Which normally I don’t want to know about anyone, even Lennox, if I’m being honest, because she is too much sometimes. I love her, but I don’t want to know everything about her or how many almonds she put in her oatmeal, but with Patrick… ugh, I want to know it all. Does he even like almonds? Does he eat oatmeal? What does he put in it? Is he more of a grits person? Or does he hate warm breakfast and is more of a smoothie bro? He seems like he might be a protein shake person, I mean, he is likecrazybuff.”
I took a deep breath, and Guillermo nodded for me to continue.
“I never want to know about this stuff about anyone. Even when you have me review case files for new resident applications, I don’t care about the little details. But with Patrick—I really blame this cute little dimple he has on his right cheek when he smirks—anyway, he just knew what to do instinctually to calm my ass down when I had a fewmomentsat dinner, no matter what it was.” I couldn’t stop my cheeks from heating as I realized how much I was word-vomiting after not wanting to speak any of this joy into the world for the powers that be to snatch it from me.
“I guess if it isn’t obvious, I’m like, excited? It’s been a long ass time since I felt this good and had this simple yet demanding feeling of rightness with someone. Even with Lennox, it took me almost six months to take her seriously, and she’s my goddess-damned twin flame.”
“It sounds like you had a great first date, Cliona,” he said with a smile. “I want you to continue to focus on the positives of your time with Patrick, but don’t forget to continue to let yourself feel the other not-so-positive things that will come up. Like Hunter.”
I didn’t flinch at his name anymore, which deserves a high fucking five if you ask me compared to what I was like five years ago.
“And your gran and rest of your family. The coven.”
I didn’t flinch again, go me!
“And even your own trauma from that night.”
Okay, I flinched at the word trauma, but that was it. I was getting better.
“I know,” I replied. “And it actually isn’t quite as terrifying now to think of sharing those parts of me with Patrick, well except for the last bit.”
Guillermo already knew I’d have trouble having that conversation with Patrick, I wasn’t embarrassed about the scarring on my stomach, upper arms, and thighs. Some of it was from the attack and some had been self-inflicted in the years since.
I hadn’t touched my flesh in any way other than love and self-care since Lennox stomped her way into my world, and doubted I would again. I didn’t need the pain to remember the loss anymore without guilt, or to remind myself I was still here while everyone else was gone. I hadn’t healed the scars and never would, while I might not need the pain anymore, but I wasn’t ready to rid myself completely of the visual reminders on my skin. Maybe I’d heal them fully one day, but I wasn’t sure I would be ready any time soon.
“I’m glad you’re comfortable discussing it, but I also know that we can prep for that if you want. It also sounds like Patrick is an understanding person who will only care about how it affects you currently and what he can do to support you.” He chuckled slightly to himself. “Or more likely than any of that, he’d probably just want to know who he needs to kill if they aren’t already dead.”
He quickly looked away and cleared his throat as if he hadn’t meant to say that. I figured he’d known Patrick in some capacity. I couldn’t oversee all of the new resident applicants anymore, and the staff at Town Hall, along with the council chairs, handled the bulk of the work now. There were almost three thousand residents on the island but still plenty of room for more.
“Patrick mentioned he was in your Alpha Group multiple times last night. Why are you being sneaky?”
He gave me a shrug and said, “You know I can’t disclose who my other patients are, even to our High Priestess.”
My joking mood soured faster than milk left out on a hot day. I didn’t make a sound and clenched my teeth at what he said.He used my title, the prick.A title I had not and would never claim.
“Watch your words,Dr. Luna,” I said with a new layer of venom on his name.
This topic had only come up a few times over the years and he knew it wasn’t on the table for discussion. The High Priestess of the Ó Cuinn coven would always be Gran as far as I was concerned; I wasn’t the High Priestess any more than Guille was the Therapy King of Haven Pass.
“But that is who you are, Cliona.”
