Page 88 of The Burning
“Except you,” I reminded him.
He sat his fork down and nodded, a small smile taking over his face. “Yeah, except me.”
I watched Kael’s expression change as he sat quietly for a minute. I could tell his mind was drifting to more serious thoughts about his friend.
“I just wish he would see someone for himself. Not just Julien, but he really needs help. It’s becoming more and more apparent with every episode he has. I’ve told him that more times than I can count. He’s too proud, but it’s not about ego, it’s just the way he was raised—like me, to suffer in silence. Even with two therapists, multiple meds, and weekly doctor visits, I’m not fixed yet.”
He tapped his temple and the tone in his voice made me shiver.
“Mendoza’s losing control of his family’s well-being, yet another crisis in his life,” he continued. “When I met him a few years ago, he was a totally different person. Seeing violence, being in the middle of life and death, it’ll fuck you up. It’s really, really fucked him up. And now his kid’s hurting. It’s not fair.”
Kael’s jaw clenched and his throat moved as he swallowed. “And the worst part is, even if he wasn’t a prideful motherfucker, he’d be crazy to say he needed help. He’d be terrified that if he says anything about how he’s feeling or what he’s going through, they will kick him out of the Army, and he won’t be able to support his family. That’s how they get a lot of guys to stay in. Mendoza has kids who need healthcare, and if these tests come back and say Julien needs more help, they’ll need it more than ever. It’s scary, thinking about life after the Army, even for me. I don’t know who I am without my uniform.” Kael looked down at his plate. “And I don’t have anyone else to worry about but myself.”
His words stung me a bit and he could tell. I had sat quiet and listening, eager for everything he was sharing with me. But this hurt.
“I mean financially,” he clarified, and I relaxed a little. “My sister and my ma, hell, they would be fine if I died. They’d be better off with my life insurance from the government.”
“Not funny.” I pushed at his shoulder, finding his causal talk about death unamusing. “Do you really feel like that? Like you don’t know who you are?”
He nodded. “It’s fucking scary. I had this plan my whole life to join and stay until retirement, and now that I’m really getting out, it’s hitting me like a ton of bricks. I’m so used to just trying to stay alive. I’m good at being a soldier—great at it, honestly. I don’t know what else I’m good at or what will happen when I take this uniform off for the last time.”
“You’re great at remodeling and that’s a huge market. Those rental companies, the ones who are using houses like hotels, are really taking off in big cities. I keep seeing them online.” I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t have an answer for his big questions, so I pathetically offered some small encouragement.
Kael’s soft smile turned into a grin.
“Thank you, Karina. I hope it works out the way I want it to.”
I inched closer. “Me, too.”
I couldn’t look away from him.
“I think it’s your dad who’s been helping me get out earlier, by the way.” He said it so casually, I almost choked.
“What?”
“Yeah, I don’t know for sure, but I’m pretty certain it’s him. No one gets out this fast without a senior officer pulling the strings. I asked around and nobody had a clue why this was happening. Only your dad knows my circumstances. I’ll tell you when I know more, but I have a feeling it was him.”
I was confused. “Why would he do it?”
The whole thing made me feel slightly ill. It seemed like a good thing, but my dad never did nice things for people without a selfish motive, and he surely wouldn’t go out of his way to help someone he despised as much as Kael.
“Who knows.” He shrugged. “I’m assuming he just wants me away from you as soon as possible.”
“I don’t like the idea of him meddling in your life. I mean, I’m glad it’s to your advantage in this case, but there has to be a catch. I know my dad.”
Kael looked at me closely. “How about for today, we just focus on what matters, which is you and me.”
The silence ticked between us as he stared at me, locking eye contact and not breaking it. The hairs on my neck stood straight up. Neither of us were touching the food now.
I felt so content with him and so safe; I wanted to be closer to him, to make everything better for Kael. I didn’t fully understand the complexity of what I was feeling, but I knew that I loved him.
Kael reached over and his fingers circled my wrists, and he brought my hand to his chest, pulling my chair closer to him. The energy between us had changed so quickly that I could barely catch my breath. One second we were eating and having a serious conversation and the next, sparks were flying and I was climbing onto his lap on the chair. His eyes held mine and he sighed, relief pulling his shoulders down. One of his hands went to my hip and the other pushed into my hair.
Every single cell in my body danced and hummed under the warmth of his touch.
His hand moved up my neck as we talked without words. He stopped at the base of my throat and squeezed very gently. I moved my body against his, my shorts against the thin cotton of his sweatpants. As I felt him grow harder, I dipped my body down farther. The friction felt like nothing I had ever experienced during my time on this earth.
His lips touched my jawline, peppering their way across to my desperate lips.
