Page 60 of The Burning
“Can I have another?” I asked Gloria over the crackling of the fire in front of us.
Austin and Elodie finally pulled up in Elodie’s small car, the tires crunching over the dirt and sticks as Mendoza threw another log into the fire. Austin got out of the driver’s seat and was welcomed by shouting and cheering; clearly everyone was happy that the life of the party had arrived. Elodie was met with hugs and exclamations:
“Here, sit down.”
“Are you hungry? We already ate, but there are hot dogs, burgers, and sausages over on the table.”
“Are you sure you’re not too cold?”
“Is it okay to camp when you’re pregnant?” an already hammered soldier asked.
I wondered where they had been all this time and planned to ask her when we had time to ourselves and the group was distracted with other shenanigans.
As Elodie sat down in the folding chair next to my giant log, Austin wrapped a thick dark-green blanket around her shoulders, and she thanked him with a smile. Her presence added to the warmth and comfort I was feeling thanks to the burn of tequila in my stomach. I recognized most of the faces by now; nearly all of them had been at my brother’s party, which felt like ages ago. As Elodie told me how pretty their drive was, my brother brought her a can of Sprite and, in a shocking turn of events, he turned down the tequila Mendoza offered, saying he didn’t feel like drinking. I nearly keeled over. He must have been hungover because he never missed out on the opportunity to drink. Either way, I was glad he wouldn’t be, even if it was only for one night.
“Really?” Mendoza was as surprised as I was.
Austin nodded. “Yeah, really.” He opened his mouth and poured a bubbly can of Coke down his throat like he was chugging a beer.
“Whatever, more for us.” Mendoza patted my brother’s shoulders and smiled an endearing, caring smile. In my head, I wrongfully assumed Mendoza or the other guys would taunt Austin or pressure him to drink, but not one of them did. Maybe they were all trying, or at the least not standing in the way of him attempting to get his body and mind in order before he left for basic?
For the first time, the thought of my brother leaving didn’t burn my insides. I found myself looking around the group. Nearly all of them had been strangers until recently, but as I listened to the laughter and the shared stories about their lives, the highs and the lows, from the births of their babies to the constant near-death experiences they all shared, I began to feel like I was a part of something, like a chosen family.
And thank goodness my real family hadfinallyshowed up.
“What took you guys so long to get here? Did Austin get you guys lost?” I asked Elodie when my brother was out of earshot.
Her eyes followed him, and she shook her head. “We, uhm, we couldn’t find the . . .” She seemed to be struggling with her English.
“It doesn’t matter,” I interrupted her as she continued to stammer a bit. “I’m glad you guys made it and I’m actually glad you made me come.”
This brought a huge smile to Elodie’s face, and she sat back, relaxed compared to a moment ago. I had to admit that so far I was having fun, but with the whole weekend ahead of us it was maybe too soon to speak. Nonetheless, looking over at Elodie with the warmth of tequila in my chest made me glad she’d guilted me into tagging along.
“Your cheeks are red. Aren’t you freezing?” Elodie nudged my knee with her finger as someone suggested we play hide-and-seek across the campground.
“It’s the alcohol. I’m okay,” I lied.
When I was distracted, it’d been easy to not focus on how cold it had gotten, but now that she’d asked, I felt the chill all the way from the top of my scalp to the tips of my toes. My anxiety made me deny the smallest, not complicated things in life. Like now, why wouldn’t I just say I’m cold? I couldn’t bring myself to, just like I couldn’t complain when I got a bad haircut, or the nail tech burned my hands with too-hot towels.
Elodie lifted the corner of her blanket and offered for me to come sit closer to her, but I shook my head, declining. I had to pee, so I would decide how to warm myself up when I got back. I scanned the darkness around us, looking for a wooden structure that resembled a bathroom. I hadn’t been paying attention to anyone going and I’m sure most of the guys used the woods like soldiers would.
“Do you know where the bathroom is?” I finally asked Gloria. She squinted and the corner of her eyelash stuck.
“Ugh, these damn things.” She pinched her fingers across the corner of her eye to mold her fake eyelash back down to the black line of eyeliner. “I think it’s there.” She pointed ahead, but I couldn’t see anything. Instead of telling her that, I just nodded and thanked her, getting off the log before I peed my pants.
“I’ll be right back,” I told Gloria and Elodie.
“Want me to walk with you?” Gloria offered.
Even though it was dark, and I wasn’t familiar with the space, I wanted to go alone for some reason. Without wanting to admit it, I knew I was hoping I’d see Kael. If I saw him with Turner, would it hurt worse or help with my attempt at closure? I was a glutton for punishment, apparently, so I stuck my nose in the cold air and walked toward the darkness.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Kael
Staring into the black of night was one of the most calming sensations for me. I never liked the dark much before deployment, but after seeing the sky light up with rocket after rocket, missile after missile, forming an explosion of never-ending fireworks, I had reached a turning point from being afraid of the dark to desperately longing for a silent, still, night of nothing. We were told to get used to it, to put headphones on, but it was fucking idiotic to tell us to put headphones on and cut off our sense of hearing while getting fired on. I’d heard more horror stories about people who’d fallen asleep wearing noise-canceling headphones, only to wake up to the ground shaking and everything burning.
Bringing myself back to the woods, I rolled my neck in an attempt to release some of the tension. I shut my eyes, trying to listen for Karina’s voice in the distance. Not only was she being extremely quiet, the guys were being loud as hell, drowning out my chance at hearing her. I wanted to join them, but I didn’t have it in me to be so close to her in my world. It felt like the more I pulled back from it, the further she got pulled in. I didn’t like that. Not one fucking bit.
