Page 44 of The Burning
“What are you doing? I have my car here!” I yelled when he pushed the gas pedal down.
“I’m just driving you to your car,” he told me, smiling a little as he turned the steering wheel. My hand clenched the handle on the door and I laughed it off, my heart pounding as we drove in silence except for the air conditioner blowing at full speed. Even the radio was off.
He drove a few rows over and parked close to my car.
“Thanks for the ride,” I told him as I opened the door and got out. I heard his door open and watched him walk around to my car. He was waiting by the driver’s-side door. His hand rubbed the top of his thigh as he stood there, waiting for me to get into my car.
“Is your leg bothering you?” I asked him, looking down at it.
I hoped not, especially because he had carried a heavy chair and plants for me. But my question only brought silence out of him. Even when he’d stayed over, he kept his leg covered. He kept his leg covered when he got massages and when he showered at my house; he always took pants into the bathroom with him to put on before he came back to my room. I had gotten so used to not asking that honestly sometimes I forgot about his injury.
“I’m fine. I’ll follow you to your house.” His key chain dangled from his index finger and he looked toward the highway about a hundred yards away from us.
He pulled on the unlocked door of my car, opening it for me.
“You shouldn’t leave your doors unlocked here. Or anywhere.” His brows pulled together and he rubbed his temple with one finger.
“I’ve been better about that,” I said, sort of telling the truth.
“Right.” He nodded to the open door. “I can see that.”
I made a face at him as I moved by him to get into my car. He closed the door before I could even grab the handle and hit his hand against the door.
“You know, I liked when you talked less.”
“I’m sure you did.” He laughed, his voice farther away as he got into his truck.
The day couldn’t have been further from what I’d expected it to be. I wondered if I would have still gone inside the market had I seen his Bronco in the lot. My head was still spinning from being so close to him in the car.
Gah, he makes me crazy.
I turned the radio on. A song was just ending and Ryan Seacrest’s voice came on reading an ad for a dating app. The universe was taking jabs at me again. Thanks, Ryan.
I changed the station, then pulled up the directions home and propped my cell up in my cupholder so I could drive. Kael probably didn’t need directions, soIprobably should have followedhimback.
I pulled out onto the road, Kael behind me. I couldn’t believe those women had thrown Elodie a baby shower and hadn’t invited me. I tried not to take it too personally, but that was pretty damn hard. I had spent the morning anxious over a damn cookout and was stressed enough at the idea of that. Being involved in their baby shower would probably have been worse because of the pressure of getting the gift, helping with the decorations, coordinating with people I barely knew. So, I didn’t care out of a sense of being left out, per se. I was mostly disappointed that those girls threw the shower before I could. I was Elodie’s closest friend. I mean, she lived with me. Unofficially or not, she slept at my house, on my couch, every night.
Elodie was probably going to think they cared more about her than I did. Toni, the girl who’d picked her up from the emergency room, likely decorated her on-post house for the occasion, and Elodie was probably so happy. Her house was probably bigger and definitely nicer than mine. I hated that these people had this power over me to make me feel so insecure. I didn’t want to be that kind of girl, but something in my brain forced me to be.
I looked back at Kael’s white Bronco following behind me. Looking at him made me feel steady for a moment. It calmed the rush of thoughts that were piling on top of each other as I drove. Unfortunately for me, I couldn’t watch him and drive at the same time.
With every mile marker I passed, I felt more and more nervous about potentially dropping by the baby shower. I wasn’t invited, and by the time we got back to my house, I wouldn’t have time to get ready at all. I lifted my body to see my face in the rearview mirror. I didn’t look like complete shit; little red specks of acne still covered my cheeks, but my skin was clearer today than it was the day before. I would only have time to throw some clean clothes on and possibly apply some mascara, concealer, and lip gloss.
By the time we pulled into my driveway, I had convinced myself not to go. He knew I would try to get out of going, I knew I would, too, but it still felt nice to daydream about going with Kael. I didn’t think he would make a thing out of me canceling, more than just the typicaltold you so, but I didn’t care about that nearly enough to be tortured socially. He waited by his truck until I unlocked my front door and propped my screen door open.
“I’m surprised your door is locked,” he called from the edge of the driveway.
“Are you sure you don’t need me to help you?” I offered as he unloaded the stuff.
“Nah, just keep the door open!” he yelled back.
My neighbor Bradley walked out onto his porch, looked from Kael to me, nodded politely, grabbed the newspaper that was lying there, and went back inside. I wondered if he knew he could read all that online. He seemed like the kind of guy who wouldn’t realize that or at least wouldn’t care to.
I nodded to Kael, and he lifted the chair out of his car. I popped in to move the old chair I’d been using out of the way, and as he walked into my place, I tried to think of something to say. Whenever he was around, I found it hard to not fill the silence, even in my small living room.
I pointed to the spot in my living room where my other chair had been moments ago, and he gently placed it there. Kael eyed the old chair in the corner.
“You’re not throwing that out, are you?”
