Page 81 of The Burning
“I’m going to your room to hang out with Elodie. I need to unload this pie,” Fischer announced as he walked into the kitchen.
I heard familiar the rusty rattle of the silverware drawer and looked over at Karina and she looked at me. I guess we were a pretty boring pair from the outside. So much so that Fischer would rather hang out with a pregnant Elodie than with us. No objection—I wanted the alone time with Karina.
Karina’s hands were wrapped around the wine bottle as she sat down on the couch cross-legged.
“You’re watchingTwilight. Again?” I asked her when I heard familiar music coming from the television.
“Yes. It’s my happy place,” she explained.
“Right.” I laughed and chose the new chair, the one I haggled with Ms. Rosa for at the market, and sat down.
Fischer had left his phone on the coffee table and the screen lit up with a strand of texts, but I couldn’t see whose name it was and really didn’t give a shit. I leaned forward to turn his distracting phone over and reached for the book on the table. It was a book of poems. I skimmed through the pages.
“I’m still confused how you can be the most skeptical person I’ve ever met, but you love poetry and fairy tales.” The poem on the page in front of me was about a lying, betraying lover. I turned the small pages. The next was about unrequited love.
Not the time to read this, I thought to myself, and tossed it back onto the table.
“I never said I like fairy tales,” she corrected me.
“Yes, you did. Not only that, you also tell them all the time.”
She turned her body to face mine. “Is that a complaint?”
The little smile on her face had me wondering if she was already a bit buzzed.
“No, ma’am. That is not a complaint.”
She laughed at me and lifted the wine bottle above her head to check how much was left.
When she looked over at me, I was staring at her mouth. She caught me.
“Want to go to the porch?” I asked, a little scared that she might throw something at me.
Instead, her face lit up and she nodded, grabbing her wine and a blanket, and pushed herself off the couch.
“Aren’t you cold?” I asked as she sat down on the cement and crossed her legs again.
Karina shook her head. “Nope. This thing is thick.” She held up the corner of the blanket she was sitting on and covered with. “Want some?” she offered.
I nodded, even though it was warm out. It was in the sixties and I loved the perfect fall weather.
“Tonight was a shit show. I would never say this to my brother, but I’m actually kind of glad you told our dad off. I know that’s selfish, but it felt good to not be the disappointment or the one who was pissing him off, for once.”
“You’re the least selfish person I’ve ever met,” I reminded her as I sat down next to her.
She reached for my hand.
“Oh, and get this. Estelle and I had this weird moment on the porch where she was talking about how she dreamed we would be close before she met me and I think she meant it? It’s confusing and I’m still reeling from it. But it made me question how much I’ve judged her and how awful I’ve been to her. It’s really my dad’s fault. Not hers. She just married him, imagining a completely different and new life than the one she has.”
Even though I didn’t care for Estelle, knowing that she and Karina had found a connection made me happy for her. I knew how badly she needed to be heard and seen by the people around her, especially her family.
I felt the warmth of her body move near mine as she lay back and stared up at the sky, still holding on to my hand.
“The worst part is it made me miss my mom even more. I don’t know what’s wrong with me lately, but even though my thoughts are all over the place, they keep coming back to her. I miss her more than ever, but I can’t figure out why.”
I lay back next to her and dangled my feet off the edge of her porch. It was like I could see her words floating with the stars.
“But she was so fucked up in so many ways. The more I think about it, the crazier it makes me. I keep trying to analyze my mother’s choices and her life. Like her friends . . .” Karina paused midsentence. “Did she even have any? I don’t. I have you, Elodie, and my brother . . . but soon, all of you will be gone.”
