Page 78 of The Burning
“Please take him home. I’ll be fine,” I reassured him.
He leaned in, kissed my cheek, and followed my brother out of the house. I considered going with them, but couldn’t move.
The front door slammed shut as they left, and Estelle jumped in her place.
“Did you know about this?” My dad’s attention turned to me.
I thought about telling the truth just to pour salt into his wounded ego. But I just shook my head.
“And what’s this nonsense about you and Martin? Are you in some kind of relationship with him again? Didn’t you learn your lesson the last time?” he asked me straight.
I waited a moment to respond, not only because I was still processing everything that had just happened, but because I wanted to give my dad an adult response, something he couldn’t swat away like a pesky fly. I glanced at Estelle, who I had nearly forgotten was there. She looked like she was going to pass out or vomit any second. Her usual calm demeanor was so easily rocked and it was obvious how out of her league she was when it came to coping with our family problems.
“Is this your way of trying to get back at me?” he insinuated, making it all about him before I even had a chance to answer his questions.
“No. None of this is about you. Not everything is about you,” I said in the clearest voice I could manage.
He looked at me as if he was examining whether I was a liar, like himself and his son. I braced myself for his snarky, snakebite-in-words to hit me, but he just sat there. I didn’t know if he was waiting for me to continue or if he was trying to control his temper.
“I’m not going to talk about my personal life with you. We’ve never had that type of relationship. I love Kael and nothing you say about him will change that. If you can’t accept that, if you can’t stay out of Kael’s Army stuff and stop causing problems, I’m going to have to cut off all of my contact with you.” I looked him dead in the eyes.
I could tell he was surprised to hear such directness from me, but I was full of adrenaline from watching Kael and Austin tell my father off. It gave me confidence to push back.
“I don’t know if you even realize what you’re doing, or if you’re too blinded by your pride, but you’ve been pushing away everyone in your life and tonight you made it so much worse. I’m no longer going to pretend to be the perfect daughter you expect to show up every Tuesday night. If you can’t accept me and love me the way I am, I won’t be coming around anymore. I mean it.” I did mean it. I was beginning to understand the choice my mother had to make, and that gave me a sense of freedom and terror at the same time.
Chapter Thirty-Four
I was standing on the porch, rummaging through my purse trying to find my keys, when the door opened, and someone walked out.
To my surprise, it was Estelle.
“Hey,” she said, stepping closer to me.
“Hey.” I looked at her.
“Can we sit down for a minute?” she asked, her voice soft.
I nodded, though reluctant to sit on my mom’s swing with her.
When Estelle sat down, the swing creaked under her weight. “I’m sorry for how your dad reacted. He was just so shocked and hurt that no one told him.”
“Is that why you’re out here? To make excuses and apologize for him?” I felt bold enough to be direct with her, just like I had been with my dad.
Estelle’s face became sad. She shook her head slightly. “No. He’s upstairs. I wanted to catch you before you left to see if you were okay.”
“Oh.” I let the silence simmer for a moment. I didn’t know if I wanted to be vulnerable with her. But she was reaching out to me.
“If you want me to go away, just say it. I know you don’t care much for me, and my comfort is not going to replace what you should be getting from your father . . .”
“So, you’re not on his side?” I asked her.
She gave a small, wry laugh. “I’m not on anyone’s side. But I know how it feels to have a strained relationship with a parent and regret it later in life. It hurts me to watch all of this and know that there’s nothing I can do.”
“You could do something, though? He’s your husband, not your commander.”
She sighed years’ worth of sighs and turned to face me. “He’s a very stubborn man.” She looked away from me, to the lights bordering the manicured lawn, and blankly stared into the night.
“Can I ask you something?” I didn’t wait for her to say yes before I went on. “Why do you put up with him? Do you really love him that much? I’m sorry, but I just don’t understand it.”
