Page 56 of The Burning
After she pulled out of the driveway, I wondered how I was supposed to know what time the Mendozas would be there to pick me up. I wasn’t someone who thrived with zero plans. I cursed at my ceiling as I sat down on the couch and opened the group chat. There were too many messages to scroll all the way back, so I scanned for a pickup time, but didn’t see anything. I decided to wait a bit and if they hadn’t shown up, I would text and just ask.
I finished getting myself ready, a tiny bit of tinted moisturizer and a few dots of concealer along my cheeks. I didn’t want my breakout to get worse, but wanted to look as fresh as I could manage, at least the first day. I sat my packed duffel by the door and scrolled through my phone. My Instagram account was still picking up steam since I’d posted at the flea market; even my random photos from months ago, a blurry one of the tree in front of my dad’s house, an orange night sky in traffic with headlights that looked like fireworks speckled across the small image, were getting a lot of comments and likes. About fifty-ish each, which was a lot compared to the three or four here and there that I was used to.
I didn’t understand it, but a little rush crept in with each comment complimenting my photos. I was glad I only had a couple posts of myself, mostly blurry or with an object covering my face, one a bouquet of flowers, one a plate full of waffles from a brunch with Elodie almost a year ago. I was far from confident enough to post selfie after selfie like most of the women I followed; I admired and envied their confidence, even if it was just what the algorithm wanted me to see. I scrolled through the likes on the waffle photo out of pure curiosity and almost dropped my phone as I brought it right up to my face to make sure I wasn’t seeing things. Kael had liked the picture. I clicked on his profile, and it was private. The last time I checked was around the time we first met, and he didn’t have an account. His profile seemed rather new, only three followers and he was following zero. I couldn’t see the followers since he was on private, but it made me feel uneasy that he had an account now. I wasn’t sure why; maybe I didn’t want him to have access to the thousands of women on the app, and since Elodie told me that people were now dating people they met on the app . . . what if that was his reason for making the account? The thought made my stomach turn, and I wrapped my arm around my torso as if I could hold myself together.
It had been about twenty minutes since Elodie left so I texted to ask if she had any idea when the Mendozas would be coming to get me. I was ready to go. My anxiety was creeping in, and I was beginning to get intrusive thoughts like,What if this whole thing is some kind of setup and Kael will actually be there, maybe—even worse—with another woman? What if someone gets too drunk and starts a fight that turns into more?
What if . . .
What if . . .
What if . . .
Elodie’s response popped up on my screen at the exact moment that I heard the noise. That familiar engine rumble that I had grown so used to. I longed for it; I hated it. I jumped up to my knees and peered out the front window. Kael’s truck was pulling up, stopping in its usual spot in front of my house.
I rushed to the mirror on the wall while quietly cursing at myself for doing it, though I couldn’t seem to control the impulse. My mind began to race as I heard his truck shut off. I pushed my ear against the door, hearing the car door close. What the hell was he doing here? Austin wasn’t here; Elodie wasn’t here.
As Kael got closer, I took a few deep breaths. The knock at the door startled me, even though I knew he was there. I opened it quickly, too quickly, as if I had been waiting at the door, which I had, but he didn’t need to know that. He was dressed in joggers as always, form-fitting at the top and down his thighs, bunched around his ankles, showing white socks to match his always white sneakers, and a black T-shirt hung lower than the white hoodie he wore on top. His skin was glowing, flawless and freshly shaved. Same with his head. He looked so much like a cool, unbothered guy from a Gap or Nike advertisement. I both enjoyed and resented the view.
His body language was somewhat awkward as he stood at the bottom of my porch, but he still had his head high, confidence thick in his shoulders. In the bright sky behind him the clouds were thick. It was about seventy-five degrees, but the air had a hint of a chill to it, making me think I might need more than the thin cotton long-sleeved shirt and jeans I was wearing. I needed to grab a hoodie before I left.
I tried my damnest to be patient as I waited for him to tell me what he was doing here, but it lasted merely a few seconds.
“My brother and Elodie are both out: they left to go to the campground. They had to pick up some stuff on the way, so Mendoza—well, the Mendozas—are coming to get me anytime.”
He shuffled his sneaker against the overgrown grass on the edges of my sidewalk. “Um, actually, I’m here to get you.”
“What do you—what?” I held on to the doorknob to steady myself.
“Yeah . . . I’m supposed to drive you. A few guys ended up showing up at their place, apparently there was some miscommunication in some group text chat you all have. But I was the one with the least amount of bodies in my car, so . . . here I am?” Kael raised his arms in the air at his sides, like he was saying,Sorry, I don’t want to drive with you, either, but we don’t have a choice.
“I thought you weren’t coming?” I said, puzzled, wondering when the hell that very important detail changed.
He half smiled, but it wasn’t a kind or teasing one—it was uncomfortable. “Yeah, well, I also thought you weren’t coming.”
I gasped sarcastically. “Great.”
He held up his hands in front of his body. “I meant, I didn’t know you were coming. I don’t have a problem with it, and I’m not saying I didn’t want you to come. I just didn’t know . . . if you’re uncomfortable with me going, I can still dip out. I didn’t mean to stress you out or ruin your weekend if you thought you wouldn’t have to see me.”
I had two options here—well, three:
1. I could cancel altogether and have my house to myself for three days with zero chance of Austin or anyone else stopping by.
2. I could go but tell Kael to stay back, since he’d offered, anyway. Whether or not it had been a genuine offer wasn’t my problem.
3. I could just go and try as hard as possible to keep my distance from him. This would be the worst option for me, and probably for him, but better for the group. No drama, no one left out.
“It’s fine,” I said, deciding to lie, to try my best to act like I didn’t care if he was coming or that I had to spend two hours in the car with him alone. “I don’t want to make you uncomfortable, either. Are you good with me going? They’re your friends, after all.”
Kael nodded before he spoke. “Nah, it’s cool with me. I don’t think we should let our . . . I don’t know what this is anymore.” His hand waved between us. “Whatever it is, it shouldn’t get in the way of everyone’s weekend. We got along fine at the market. Well, after you laid into me a bit.”
He was lucky that he smiled right away because our interaction at the market was far from me “laying into him” the way I had planned to and thought I wanted to.
“I was being nice.” I matched my fake smile to his and watched his face light up as he laughed. The sound still gave me instant butterflies, but it felt a lot nicer than the hole I’d felt lately. I laughed with him, knowing this whole weekend could turn into a disaster at any point.
“Right. Well, I appreciate it.”
We were bantering, borderline flirting and I felt my feet slipping near a very dangerous edge with him. I didn’t want to be manipulated by my attraction or connection to him but standing there in the doorway I felt the same sense of comfort I always had with him. If we could just erase—
