Page 55 of The Burning
“Not everyone is the same or wants the same things. I have a lot of shit going on and the last thing I need is to beconnectedto someone. I’m connected to enough people who cause enough problems in my life so you, my brother, those women, and Kael can all stop worrying about me before I completely lose it. I need to worry about myself and myself only right now.”
Truth was, I had never been a person who needed to be surrounded by friends or to date. Kael was an exception, but I was never the one to make the plans with the few friends I had throughout my life.
When I looked at Elodie, her brows were slumped, her full lips pouting. She was genuinely sad for me, I could feel it, but that didn’t mean I was going to agree with her just for the sake of her pout disappearing.
“Just be happy, Karina, okay?”
“I will be.” I didn’t know when that would be, but it had to be someday, right? I wiped a bead of sweat off my forehead with my forearm. I needed to shower and today was hair-washing day. I was on day four of dry shampoo, and I was so glad to have a convenient way to get out of that conversation with Elodie. “I need to jump in the shower. I’m tired and sweaty.”
She sighed and turned to face me, adorably lifting her shoulder to hide her weak smile, still a little upset.
I nodded and headed to the hallway with my phone in my hand. As I reached the bathroom door, I turned to Elodie, who was still looking at me. Her voice rang out through the hallway and she kept her eyes on her hands resting in her lap.
“By the way, we’re going camping tomorrow! I already told everyone you would come and it’s for your birthday and Austin’s and it’s Austin’s last time with his friends and all of us together, so please don’t fight me on it and just agree!” Elodie sounded like a deflated balloon by the time her speech was done.
I was so tired of hearing about this damn camping trip. “I’m not going.” I shut the door behind me but could still hear her as she yelled, “YES, YOU ARE!”
I sank against the door and my body felt heavier than ever. I knew I had lost the camping battle and it wasn’t even worth arguing over.
Chapter Twenty-Two
The morning had come. I felt the sun peering into my window to mock me, heat rising up my chest and on my bare thighs. My fan broke last night, because of course it did. I opened my eyes, slowly, covering them with my arm as a way to block the burning light that was forcing me to get up. It had finally arrived: the Friday of the inevitable peer pressure–fueled excursion where I would either be completely miserable and anxious, or I would . . . well, I couldn’t see any other option when it came to being forced to be social with a group of Kael’s and my brother’s friends. Out in the woods of Georgia of all places. I checked my phone, only one text from Austin, a group chat that I hadn’t volunteered to be a part of. Everyone else seemed to be excited—a lot of beer and tent emojis, along with a few flames, covered my screen.
I rolled my eyes and lifted my heavy body out of bed. I could hear Elodie in the kitchen speaking in her native tongue, presumably to her parents. My duffel bag sat on the floor, ready to go. I had packed in a rush last night and wondered whether I should start over. Had I packed enough clothes? Toiletries? Dignity? Confidence?
The last two were a for sureno, but I was determined to go through with this. It was important to my brother and Elodie, and it was just a few days, after all. Miraculously, it happened to fall on the week when Mali’s daughter was due to give birth, so neither Elodie nor I had to worry about work, which was my first and last excuse. Elodie’s doctor told her she was more than fine to go camping, but to make sure she wasn’t too close to smoke and stayed away from alcohol, which seemed obvious, but apparently some people needed to be reminded, even while pregnant.
I opened my dresser, grabbed one more T-shirt, rolled it up, and tossed it in. Even though I would be in the thick Georgia woods and was by no means planning to dress up, I wanted to be somewhat cute. I hoped that at least one of Kael’s friends would tell him that I looked good, even in the woods with no makeup on. I was trying not to make this whole thing about him, but ever since I’d seen him, I’d even go so far as to say I felt at ease with him; it was jarring. And even though Kael wouldn’t be joining the group, I wanted to stay fresh in his mind.
I checked my phone one last time before going to the shower. My plan was to blow-dry and style my hair today and hope it would last with a little help from dry shampoo over the next three days. Humidity would surely kill my plan, but I was determined to try. When I got out of the shower, Elodie was standing by the front door, dressed, and bending down to put her sneakers on.
“I’m going to run a few errands. Toni asked me to get some things for the trip,” she told me, grabbing her key chain from one of the hooks on the wall.
“I’ll go with you,” I offered. My hair was done, and I had the time since I was packed and ready, anyway. It annoyed me that Toni had asked the only pregnant person going to get things last-minute for the trip, but I was trying to give her the benefit of the doubt because she had a billion kids and was probably stressed and packing last-minute herself.
“Actually, Austin is coming over to go with me. He’ll be here soon.” Elodie’s eyes left mine like she was nervous.
“Oh.” I paused.
“Ice and things are needed . . . all heavy things so I need his help.”
“Okay, well that’s probably better, anyway. I’ll be here when you guys get back, so if one of you can text me, I’ll just come outside. Are you all packed?”
She nodded and she pulled her bottom lip between her teeth. “Um, actually, Karina, we will use my car for the coolers so last night in the group chat, we all decided who will ride with who . . .”
The fucking group chat. Of course, I’d muted it and hadn’t read a single message as too many to count came in.
“Really? So, who am I riding with?” My heart began to race immediately. I didn’t know anyone except Gloria and Mendoza.
“I think the Mendozas. Is that okay? I’m sorry my car is so small. If you want to drive yourself, you can, but you said you needed an oil change and since you didn’t reply, I said Mendoza’s would be best?”
I nodded. “Yeah, that’s good, actually.”
I wasn’t one hundred percent comfortable with them, either, but I didn’t want to risk driving my car alone for hours to an unknown campground when the engine light and oil light were both on. My motto for the weekend was supposed to be “go with the flow,” but it seemed like it was going to be harder to do that with each minute that passed.
A little voice in my head reminded me that maybe, just maybe, I could get more background on Kael from his closest friends. I knew it wouldn’t change anything, but it would satisfy my curiosity and masochistic tendencies. I wasn’t even sure what I was looking for, anyway.
“It will be fun. I promise.” Elodie smiled, making her best effort to convince me. I nodded and shooed her out the door. I was already committed to going, so I didn’t want to talk about it anymore.
