Page 4 of The Burning
“Your sister found out,” I flatly told him.
Silence.
“Found out what?” he asked. I knew he wasn’t that damn clueless. He was in shock, not that ignorant.
“Where are you?” I was beyond impatient.
He paused, took a deep breath in before responding. “I’m at Mendoza’s. What do you mean by my sister found out? Tell me it’s not what I think it is.”
“It’s exactly what you think it is. I’m on the side of the road and I didn’t call you for a heads-up, Fischer, I called you to tell you that your sister is devastated and could really use you right now.”
“Did you tell her? I thought we were—”
Before I could help it, my fist slammed against the hood of my truck. “It doesn’t fucking matter who told her, what are you going to do about her right now?”
“I don’t even have a car, what can I do?”
“Are you drunk?”
“No . . . ” He was lying. “Yeah, I mean, I’m not sober. But it’s not like I knew this was going to happen and got plastered so you had to deal with her. Maybe call Elodie? She should be home—”
I ended the call before he offered another not-thought-out solution.
The rain took a short break, long enough for me to consider driving back to her house to beg for Karina’s forgiveness, to explain why I did what I did. The weight of the world pushed against my shoulders as I imagined her at home alone, sitting in the dark kitchen feeling completely betrayed. I made the choice when I met her to try my best to take care of her, to make her life better, easier, but all I’ve done is fuck it up.
I still stood by, helping her brother get into the Army before he could tank his life in a serious way. That’s what this was, the sacrifice was temporarily hurting Karina, but in the big picture of her life, her brother being alive and breathing would matter more to her than the feelings she thought she had for me. A year from now, she would be proud of him instead of mourning him. After a month or two she would barely think of me. She deserved to have that, and I didn’t deserve to have her, so this was the way things would be. She will never leave my mind, but isn’t love supposed to be about sacrificing? I didn’t know—I had never loved anyone before, but it felt right. It felt wrong, but so right.
I hoped to God Elodie was home and could comfort her. I thought about calling her but I didn’t want to admit what I had done. I knew Elodie lately had become attached to Karina’s brother and she would be pissed at me too, so I took the easy way out, climbed into my truck and drove to Mendoza’s. The solution wouldn’t be there, but I knew a bottle of tequila would.
Mendoza’s house was lit up with every single light on. All the other houses on the street were dark and quiet. I parked in the driveway right behind his van and took a breath before getting out. Soon, I wouldn’t be able to come here when shit went wrong. Once I was out, I would probably only see him at funerals or weddings, or maybe never again. That’s how it was in a soldier’s life: you had unbreakable bonds, but when people got out, they usually moved back to where they came from and hardly ever looked back. Well, they looked back all the time, but physically never came back.
I heard his voice before I saw him.
“Your truck keeps gettin’ louder. I can hear it a damn mile away.” He greeted me with a soft smack to my shoulder.
“Yay, you’re here!” Gloria hugged me. “What the fuck, you’re soaked.”
I tried to force a smile. Suddenly I wondered why the hell I was there. I didn’t deserve the comfort of friends right now when I knew Karina had no one. Carefully moving out of Gloria’s arms, I tried to think of an excuse to leave even though I had just arrived.
Fischer’s voice rang through the living room. “Yoooo,” he slurred.
He was lazily sitting there, his arm stretched across the back of the white sofa. His eyes were barely open.
“How drunk are you?” I questioned, moving closer.
He laughed a little, tilting his head. He looked so much like Karina that it made me want to throw up.
“Nah, I didn’t drink.” He nodded toward Mendoza and Gloria, who were being grossly affectionate in front of us.
Mendoza kissed Gloria’s forehead. “He hasn’t had a drink since he got here. But he’s on some shit, that’s for sure.”
Gloria rolled her eyes and shot Fischer a look of disapproval. Fischer smiled and stretched his neck. He was definitely high out of his mind. “What are you on?” I pushed his shoulder and he moved like Jell-O.
“Some soldiers dropped him off here like that, but I don’t know them. I think he bought pills from them.”
“Again?” I groaned. This motherfucker was really driving me crazy.
I kneeled in front of him, and I saw Gloria and Mendoza leaving the room in the reflection of the window behind Fischer. There was a plastic baggie sticking out of the pocket of his sweats. I grabbed it and he tried to stop me, but his reflexes were too slow from the drugs. Long white rectangle pills and traces of white powder from them danced as I shook the bag in front of his face.
