Page 115 of Crash Course
"Well, holy shit. Another defector."
Oh, hey now. "Notdefecting. I love working for BARS. Some of us don’t have dreams like you had. Nothing I have an itch for. Not yet anyway. I’m satisfied with the work."
"So, what’s the problem?"
Cruz glanced back at the Friary. At all the cars in the drive. "It's kinda tight lately."
"Ah," Ash said. "The inn is full."
Yes. His brother might be a pain in the ass sometimes, but he’d always been the one who knew what to do. Especially after Dad died. Somehow, Ash had become their de facto father figure.
At least until he left for the FBI and he and Zeke had been at each other ever since.
Cruz shrugged. "Maybe a little."
Ash took that in, considering it. "Anyone in particular?"
"What? No! Not at all. Honestly, if I had to pick women for you fuckers, I’d have picked those women. They’re fantastic. It’s just . . . different. The vibe has changed and I’m afraid to open my mouth. I mean, you know me. If I’m thinking it, I say it. Now, if I utter something that might offend someone, I need to apologize. In my own house!"
"Take it easy. What did you have to apologize for?"
"I didn’t.That’sthe problem."
Still lit by moonlight, Ash cocked his head and stared at Cruz like his brain had just spilled out of his skull.
"Hang on," Ash said. "I’m not following."
"I’m on eggshells. All the time. It’s fucking exhausting. You have no idea."
"Actually, I do. Not so much the eggshells, but after I moved out, I realized I liked being on my own. No comments from the peanut gallery. No one offering their opinions. The lack of pressure trying to live up to expectations."
Come fucking again? What was he talking about? Expectations. "Dude! What the hell does that mean?"
"Come on, Cruz. You know I didn’t have choices after Dad died. Someone had to run the business and I’m the oldest."
"Is that how you felt? Like you had to prove something?"
Now it was Ash’s turn to shrug. "I don’t know. It just felt like . . . pressure. I didn’t have the passion—or vision—for BARS that Zeke does. So, yeah, for me, when I left, it was total freedom."
"Wow. I’m sorry. I hope I never—"
"You didn’t. It was self-imposed. Once I got over disappointing Mom, I gotta tell you, Cruz, it’s nice. I can walk around my apartment bare-assed naked if I want and it doesn’t matter."
That’s what Cruz wanted. Not so much the bare-assed part, but the freedom. The alone time where he could relax. Shut his brain off and not worry constantly.
"I looked at a house yesterday," he blurted.
"No shit? You’re serious."
"I drove by it and before I knew it, I was looking in windows and calling the realtor."
A flash of white teeth lit Ash’s face. "Good for you. Did you like it?"
"Yeah. Maybe too much. It’s in Asheville."
"You love Asheville."
"I do. And it’s three bedrooms, so people can stay over. Eighteen hundred square feet. Two-car garage in back for the Stutz and a workshop. Everything I need."
