Page 128 of Gone Tonight
Just say hi.That’s what Catherine suggested when I told her I wasgoing to have this meeting. I thought about not mentioning it because she moved a couple of days ago and I didn’t want to layer one more thing on top of all she has dealt with recently, but I don’t want to keep amassing secrets between us.
The man is very close now. I can see the sprinkling of freckles across the bridge of his nose.
He’s staring at me intently, his eyes searching my face.
Then his face breaks into a smile.
I have always loved Timmy’s smile.
“Hi,” I say.
He stops a couple of feet away. “It’s really you.”
His smile slips away. He keeps staring at me, and now I can’t tell if he’s angry or numb or if he has truly put me in the past.
My throat thickens as unshed tears prick my eyes. I have so much to say to my little brother, but this is the most important part.
“I am so sorry I left you.”
He looks down and rubs the toe of his sneaker in the dirt, back and forth. “I cried every night at first. Then Dad told me you were okay. Where did you go?”
“Not far from here. I got a job and then I rented a room and eventually I got an apartment… things worked out, in a way.”
He nods slowly. “Things worked out for me, too. I’m married now. Her name is Jeanine. We have two kids.”
He touches the gold wedding band on his left hand, then he stretches out his hand to me. “Want to go for a walk?”
His hand used to be so soft and little when I held it as we crossed the street. Now my fingers are swallowed up in his strong grasp, and I can feel the calluses on his palm.
My heart is full and aching, at the same time.
We walk in silence across the grass. Sometimes there is so much to say that words aren’t enough.
The evening air is soft and mild, and in the distance a bird is singing. I know this moment may be all I’ll ever have with my brother, and I want it to last forever. But all too soon Timmy says, “I’m parkedover this way,” and points toward a silver Honda minivan that’s in the back of the deserted lot.
Maybe this is overwhelming for Timmy, I think. After all, I was able to glimpse bits of his life throughout the years, but he has no idea what became of me or who I became. He doesn’t even know I have a daughter.
We pause at the edge of the parking lot. Even though I have on a hat and it’s growing dark, I’d rather stay away from the lights ringing the space.
Timmy lets go of my hand and turns to face me.
“If you’d ever like to get together again… or just talk on the phone… I mean, I don’t want to pressure you or anything,” I say haltingly.
My heart sinks as Timmy’s forehead creases into a frown.
“I know it’s a lot, me showing up after all this time…,” I continue. “I don’t want to intrude… That’s why I reached out to you first, instead of Dad, because I thought maybe you could ask him if he wants me to call. But I don’t want either of you to feel like you owe me anything. And we can’t tell anyone about this… I have to stay hidden because the police will still want to question me if they find me, so I get it. I mean, you have a family now, so you probably don’t want to risk anything.…”
I can’t stop babbling until Timmy brings me up short by saying, “Ava.”
The words dry up in my mouth.
Timmy is shaking his head and my body clenches as I await his verdict.
“My son’s middle name is Mateo.”
I smile because that was the middle name I would have picked if Catherine had been a boy.
“Good choice.”
