Page 17 of Gone Tonight
She doesn’t seem to be singing the exact lyrics to the song. Her words have the same tempo, but they’re different:
Are we original?
Are we the champions?
Are we the Panthers?
I see the knowledge hit her eyes a second later.
She swishes her imaginary pom-poms once more, then slides back into her seat, even though the song hasn’t quite ended.
“I’ve got to stretch before I ever do that again.” She laughs, but it sounds forced. “I probably pulled a hamstring.”
She’s avoiding my eyes.
“Mom.”
“Hey, do you have any laundry? I may throw in a load before bed.”
“No, I’m good. But I—”
My mother gasps. I look down to see bright red blood oozing out from her index finger. She’s holding the long, sharp knife. I hadn’t even noticed she was cutting herself another square.
“Crap!”
“Don’t move!” I leap up and run to the roll of paper towels, ripping off a few sheets. I’m back at her side a second later, pressing them into the wound.
“I need to look at it.”
She nods and averts her gaze while I briefly pull back the wad of paper towels.
“It’s not deep. You don’t need a stitch. Hang on, let me get Neosporin and a Band-Aid.”
I grab both from the bathroom medicine cabinet and hurry back to her side. Within a few minutes, the bleeding has stopped and her cut is cleaned and covered.
My mom gets up and begins to clear the table.
The Backstreet Boys song has ended.
The moment has passed.
But I’ve collected two new details about my mother’s past, and they’re enough to pull my mind away from the question that hit me like a hammer as I bandaged my mother’s finger:Did she actually cut herself to derail the conversation?
Here’s the detail she freely offered up: Her high school colors were blue and gold.
Here’s the one she didn’t intend for me to know: The mascot was a panther.
CHAPTER TENRUTH
I set my alarm for 5 a.m. since I’m the early bird who is opening Sam’s tomorrow. By the time the first customer comes through the door, I’ll have four pots of coffee brewed—three regular and one decaf—and settled on the warming burners while the cook fries bacon and preps pancake batter.
I’ll lose myself in the busyness of the morning.
The words reverberate through my mind:I’ll lose myself.
I push them away and take a long sip from the second bottle of Michelob I’ve brought with me into my bedroom.
I let my guard down for a moment tonight. I slipped. But knowing the name of my high school mascot doesn’t mean Catherine will come any closer to my family or old friends or James.
