Page 78 of Shadow Queen
“Why not? If there are answers there—”
“No. I can’t just leave.”
His brow dipped. “But you would come back. I’d bring you back. You’d only be gone a few weeks.”
“It’s not that. I mean, it is a little, but it’s not that I don’t trust you to bring me back. It’s…” It was complicated.
His face hardened. “The Shadow King.”
A silence came between them.
“He wants you to forget,” he said.
“No, he doesn’t want me to forget.”
“But he doesn’t want you to remember.”
She shook her head. “He’s never said that. But Alexander…” Her stomach twisted, and her voice dropped to a near whisper. “What if it makes things harder?”
He stilled, and the muscle along his jaw tightened. “Doyounot want your memories back?”
“Of course I do. How can you say that?”
He quickly drew in a breath and shook his head. “I’m sorry.”
She leaned forward and took his hands again. “I think about getting them back all the time, aboutneedingthem back. But it’s also a little scary, I guess. What if the person I was isn’t the same as the person I am now? I know that sounds silly—”
“It’s not silly.” He sighed, looking down at his hands covering hers. “Norah, this is your decision. Not mine, not the Shadow King’s. Whatever you choose, I will support you. But if you do want your memories back, I think there are answers in the Wild, and I would gladly take you. Just think about it.” He moved to release her, but she held him, pulling his attention back.
“Alexander. Thank you.”
He nodded, giving her fingers a gentle squeeze, then stood and left her to the quiet of the library.
Norah pushed out a breath, trying to keep her mind from tumbling into chaos. Of course she wanted her memories back; there was still a desperation to unlock them. So why was she hesitating about the Wild? Because it was a dangerous place, she reminded herself. And they were only drawing conclusions of her ties to it. What if the Wild hadn’t been keeping her safe from the drifters? Maybe it just hadn’t noticed her. It didn’t mean she’d be welcomed back.
But hope sprouted along the cracks of doubt. What if there were answers for her in the Wild? If she wanted to go, would Mikael understand? He’d once said her memory loss might have helped them come together, that she might not have wed him otherwise. And if that was true, how would he feel about her getting them back now?
As if thoughts summoned him, the library doors opened, and she turned to see Mikael walking toward her. Had he seen Alexander departing? His demeanor suggested he hadn’t. Yet his stride wasn’t an easy one.
There was a strangeness between them, but she couldn’t quite place it. They hadn’t talked much since her handling of King Gregor the day before, and since her bold claim on Soren.
Mikael had come to their bed late into the night and left before she woke to continue his discussions with Gregor. Midmorning, she’d joined them both for a formal breakfast. While Gregor didn’t look at her, Mikael’s eyes never left her. He seemed settled, calm, but there was a hook to his gaze, and she couldn’t shake it. And the look in his eyes… not anger, but… a challenge?No—not a challenge. But what?
She had forced herself to stay composed—unshaken—copying the mask Mikael wore so often, until she could deal with him later.
And that later time would be now, she told herself as he strode toward her to address this strangeness between them. She stood as he neared.
“Gregor’s just departed,” he told her.
“So, you’ve reached an accord?”
He tipped his head slightly. “For now.”
The king of Japheth had been scheduled to stay another day, but she wasn’t surprised by his earlier departure announcement. “I’m sure he was eager to be on his way.”
“I’m sure,” Mikael said, his voice low. “After seeing a side of the North Queen he wasn’t expecting. A side I wasn’t expecting either.”
This was the root of what lay between them. She’d overstepped, she knew. Both on Soren and Gregor. “I know I’ve probably made things more difficult…”
