Page 28 of Shadow Queen
Norahsatonthebench in the conservatory, grasping the quill tightly in her hand and looking at the page of blank parchment. Words wouldn’t come. There was so much she wanted to say, but she struggled for a way to say it. Every sentence she tried sounded ridiculous. Maybe what she wanted to say was ridiculous. Maybe trying to say anything was ridiculous.
“I didn’t think I’d find you here.” Mikael’s voice startled her.
For two days, she hadn’t seen him, not since what had happened with Alexander. Her breath knotted in her throat, and she stood quickly. Had he not wanted to find her here? Did he not want her in the conservatory anymore? It was a place that was special to him, meant only for people who were special to him. She wasn’t sure she was considered so anymore.
He eyed the quill and parchment.
“I’m just writing a letter,” she said.Or trying to.
“To?”
Norah looked down at the blank parchment. She wasn’t sure her voice would come. “You,” she said finally. “I… wanted to explain myself in a way that made sense, but”—she paused—“I’m having difficulty starting.”
“What’s there to explain?” he asked, strangely calm.
His composure scared her. Had she lost him? Norah opened her mouth, but she still couldn’t find the words. Her chest tightened, wringing the air from her lungs. “So much” was all she could manage.
A long silence sat between them. He only waited, watching her. She had to say something.Anything.But nothing came.
She had nothing.
Except for how she felt. She focused on that. “If I’d tried to guess my future when I woke in the forest of the Wild,” she started, “I would never have imagined this for myself.”
It felt like an understatement.Never in the wildest of dreams, she should have said.
“So haphazardly life seems to have been thrown at me,” she continued, “like the gods cared nothing, planned nothing.” How could the gods have planned this path? She couldn’t even call it a path. “I doubted there even were gods.”
Mikael only watched her.
She sucked in an uneven breath. She couldn’t hold back the tears now. “But now there’s no doubt. This path isn’t haphazard, it’s purposeful. The gods are there, and they’re angry with me, and they’re cruel. And the more I care for you, the more they use that to hurt me too.” They knew how to hurt her the most.Damn them.Damn them all.
Norah looked down at the stone floor. Mikael stepped to her and drew her face up to look at him. But she couldn’t read his eyes. She couldn’t understand his face.
“How much?” His voice came barely above a whisper. His hands clasped her arms just below her shoulders. “How much do you care for me? Am I in your heart?”
“Do you not see it?” She knew it wasn’t enough. Why couldn’t she say the words?
But he nodded. “Yes,” he said hoarsely. “But I see there is also another. And not just any other.”
She had no excuses. She couldn’t deny it. She wouldn’t lie.
He brushed her hair softly from her face. “It’s important you speak the truth to me,” he said in a low voice. He hesitated, seeming to fear his words. “He stays in my kingdom. Have you been to his bed?”
“What?” Did he really think—
“Please,” he said, his voice softer. “These past two days, I—” He shook his head. “My mind is weak. I need to hear you say it.”
She wanted to be offended, but she knew how easily the frenzy of jealousy could poison the mind. She shook her head, looking into his eyes. “No. I’ve not been to his bed.”
He closed his eyes, seeming to calm before opening them again. “But you love him.” It wasn’t a question. “It’s why you wouldn’t give him to me.”
She said nothing. She couldn’t deny it. Now he knew why she protected Alexander so fiercely. What would he do?
Alexander was still in Kharav.
What would he do?
His face held no emotion now, no hint of his thoughts or of his intentions. He dropped his head beside hers, and his breath danced across her ear. Alexander’s fate lay on his lips, and she feared it—more than feared it. Terror trembled through her. Surely he wouldn’t let him live now.
