Page 140 of Shadow Queen
Soren gave her an irritated scowl and then pushed himself off the railing with a rumble in his chest. “Spears!” he bellowed out over the field and left to rejoin his earlies.
Norah sighed in frustration. She didn’t know what she had expected—certainly not compassion—but she’d hoped he might offer some options, a recommendation, even a sliver of advice. But he gave nothing, perhaps because there was nothing. She wasn’t willing to accept that yet. She had to figure something out, and she turned and headed back to the castle.
Chapter forty-two
Norahsatonthebed, clutching her knees to her chest. Her blood cycle had come again. Still, there was no child. She tried to shake her growing obsession, but it was all she could think about. While Mikael showed kindness with each month’s disappointment, she knew the burden weighed heavily on him. And it killed her. She couldn’t bear telling him again. She sent her maids away and waited in the dim candlelight.
Norah heard Mikael’s voice outside the chamber, and she quickly wiped the tears from her face. The chamber door opened.
“… send word to Lord…” His voice quieted. There was a pause, then he said, “We’ll discuss it tomorrow.” The chamber door closed. His footsteps were slow to bring him around the hanging panels.
He saw her and sighed, unfastening his sword belt and leaning it against the wall.
She stood as she searched for the words she’d said so many times before. “Mikael. I—”
“You needn’t say it.”
He stepped close and pulled her in, as he always did, holding her tight and kissing the top of her head, as he always did.
“Nineteen,” she whispered.
“What?”
“Nineteen months we’ve been together. Nineteen months with no child.” She couldn’t stop the tears now. “Mikael, we need to come to terms with the fact that I may not be able to give you one.” She pulled away from him and sat on the bed and covered her face with her hands.
“Stop,” he said as he sat beside her, running his hands nervously over his thighs.
“No,” she said through her tears. “We have to be honest about this.” She shook her head through her tears. “I’m failing you.”
His face twisted. He reached out and caught her hands and pulled them to his lips. He kissed her palms, breathing in deeply. “Or maybe it’s me,” he said finally.
Her brows drew together in confusion. “What?”
He stood and ran his hand across his face. “By the time my father was my age, he had four daughters between his other wives and concubines, and my mother became pregnant with me within the first few months of their marriage. I had three wives, and… others… but I haven’t borne a single child—with anyone.”
Norah swallowed, trying to make sense of his words. She shook her head. Mikael’s inability to produce an heir was just as haunting. What would they do? What would the nobles do? And they didn’t need an heir just for Kharav. She wanted a child. She wanted to be a mother.
Her heart beat with the weight of defeat. “That’s it, then? We can’t have a child?”
His eyes glistened with sadness.
She looked down as she gathered her gown in her fists. After everything she’d been through, the gods still cursed her.
Mikael ran his hands through his hair. “But we need an heir, Salara. You need a child.” He pulled her chin to look at him. “You need to take another,” he said softly.
“What?” she gasped as she stumbled up from the bed and backed away from him.
His voice came hoarsely. “You have to take another. It’s the only way.”
She pulled back farther, and her face wrinkled in disgust. He couldn’t possibly be considering such a revolting idea.
“You think I suggest this lightly?” he asked.
“We can keep trying!” she cried.
He stood, moving toward her as she retreated. “And keep doing this? Month after month, year after year? Until I’m dead?” He grasped her arm to stop her retreat. “Iamgoing to die, Salara. We’ve both seen my fall.”
A sob ripped from her throat, but he didn’t relent.
